To send this passive aggressive message

[dontbesillyhenry]

'Friend' of mine regularly leaves me out of meet ups with other friends. Last meet up I was not asked and expressed and interest. Was told great come next time date is x (very soon). Have heard jack shit. So have sent 'hi xxx I will not be able to attend on this occasion- I trust you will let me know the next date and I would love to see you there'

Do you see any of them at other times? Can you arrange your own get-together? Your message was a bit weird. Why didn't you ask cheerily if it was still on (and when/where?) instead of saying you couldn't go in that formal way?

If the other friends wanted you there, wouldn't they invite you?

Perhaps they are trying to tell you something.

That's not what I'd call passive aggressive, but it does sound very formal rather than a message between friends. Why don't you directly ask when the next one is rather than leaving it to her to let you know?

I tend to agree with the others, the onus shouldn't be one one person, if they want you there then surely any of the group can say hey do you fancy coming to this.

I can't remember where I found it, but there's websites that advertise meetups so you can make new friends who will include you.

Don't send that. Just ask for info on next meet up

Bluntness100

Well after that text I doubt she will be inviting uou in future. I'm unsure why uou didn't just text her and ask for the details, something like "hey you mentioned getting together on X date, what's rhe plan?"

Do as suggested by bluntness

Your message wasn't PA and didn't make sense. Why didn't you just text the organiser(s), express interest and ask for info?

But it's just a text saying you can't make the planned meet up, the friend will probably just read it and think "ok!"
She won't think "ooh, get you."

Don't really understand that message, its not passive aggressive and didn't you just uninvite yourself by saying you were busy?

I had a situation like this and it is shit, we were all friends from school but got a new friend who i never got along with as i had my own opinions rather than listening to her bleat on. She made sure the more feisty members of the group were slowly and surely pushed out into the cold and now has a trio that she can boss around.

Can't do much about it (i tried, both indirectly and bluntly) if the others aren't willing to back you up, so i'd just move on, or see the decent friends individually.

That's not passive aggressive. It sounds more needy to me, especially since you have mentioned how much you would "love" to meet up with them.

I also agree with Sunset about uninviting yourself!! Was THAT meant to be the passive aggressive part? Because if it was, you have failed.

I was worried it sounded PA. it's a way of me telling her to forget me as a friend if I'm honest

All you have done is given her an out. She can now tell the group how she tried to include you but cancelled without reason. Could you not organise?

You were aiming to tell her (indirectly) that you no longer want to be friends but were worried about being PA?

Do you have different circumstances from the others? I ask this as a group of friends meet up once a month for lunch before picking up the children from school. One of the friends now has two pre school children and I must admit most of us would prefer to meet without her as she brings the children (who are very demanding) and it completely changes the dynamic. So it isn't her personally we have an issue with, more the fact that the rest of us want to have a child free chat.

Why not just ask her whether the planned date is still on and where/when? Seems a lot more straightforward to me.

Because I've had to chase before. Friend will say oh yes I will ask you next time and doesn't so I'm going to cut my losses

We are more perplexed now OP

It sounds NEITHER passive-aggressive NOR you trying to cut them off.

This is very strange.

Brilliant, that's fine. But the way that you worded it it's as if you are really looking forward to another meeting and you still being needy AFTER all their rejections.

If they wanted you there, they would have ensured you had the details

The fact you have had to chase backs up that they would rather you didn't go, I'm afraid

It doesn't tell her to forget you as a friend though

If the others had wanted to let you know, they could have.

It's funny on all these type of threads people are always told to contact the people who have excluded them saying 'oh I seem to have missed an invite?' So I do that and get fobbed off yet I'm needy? This person calls herself my friend. I've tried to cut her off (ignore her apart from being civil remove her on Facebook) yet she re adds me and seeks me out yet excludes me at will.

'oh I seem to have missed an invite?'

You didn't do that, though.

As you say, cut your losses. She is not your friend.

It's funny on all these type of threads people are always told to contact the people who have excluded them saying 'oh I seem to have missed an invite?' So I do that and get fobbed off yet I'm needy?

I think it's pretty crass to contact someone in that situation - it does look needy and demonstrates a total lack of dignity

I think none of these "friends" are that into you. Move on and find some friends who treat you well.

If you're sure it's all just down to "x", then try organising a get-together yourself.