Not sure what to do re FIL comment

[BluePeppers]

At the weekend, we went to see my PIL. Nice discussion and then FIL started to go on at how it was really necessary to do something about all those immigrants as the uk was invaded and there was only 60% of true English in the country anymore. Followed by 'oh but I don't mean you'.

I am from a European country and have been here for 20 years, married with his ds for 19.... we have two dcs who have a dual citizenship (so really his comment could easily apply to the dcs too)

MIL tried her best to save the whole thing by mentioning invasions by the vikings etc... (I think she was horrified). I just went quiet.

Now this is playing in my mind. DH has brushed all that under the carpet. But somehow I'm dreading going back to see them. We rarely talk about politics and they've never expressed any views like this. this has rattled me though....

To a certain extent, it's a generational thing - from a generation who can remember the UK before we went into Europe and are swayed by the press into thinking that all are woes are down foreigners and nothing to do with feckless Brits like my cousin who have never worked apart from cash in hand "fiddle jobs". My FIL can be like this sometimes, not necessarily on immigration, mostly drawing a fine line between being a misogynist (my view) and a gentleman (his view). I know I'm not going to change him with my views, so it's usually a case of "moving swiftly on . . .", though I will sometimes get into a gentle argument with him. He's got a heart of gold and I'd never not speak to him because of his views - life's too short for such stresses.

itsawonderfulworld

If you read the other two paragraphs of my post, none of which was a rant, it answers your question

My granny - 85 is the same regarding consultants, gp etc.. it doesn't mean that she is a horrible person - infact she is one of the kindest women I know- it's just she struggles with change as a lot of the older generation do. When you see 'your' culture that you've lived 80+ years start to change in to different cultures it can be hard and it's ok to have an opinion on that.

At the moment you can only have a left wing opinion on anything and if you don't your an utter ba**ard.

Your righting a man of that's probably looked after your family and had many good times and memories with off because he doesn't have the same opinion as you.

No one is perfect - you won't be either.

Does he make your children feel uncomfortable? Does he make you feel uncomfortable (apart from this one instance) you've known him for twenty years and this one opinion/comment is making you vilify him.

I think your looking for a fight if this is how you say it is.

Lots of threads continually driving how racist, bigots and awful English people it's bizzare.

I'm sorry Op. I know how it feels, though bizarrely from a different point of view.

My DH is British. His parents have only traced their family tree back to about the 1500s, but they have one European ancestor (Swiss, in about 1562).

My husband is olive skinned, brown eyes and black haired and the spitting image of his dad, except in colouring which is his mum's. Unfortunately it means he could pass easily as Spanish or Pakistani.

Since June last year, he has been repeatedly told to go back where he came from. Apparently, Milton Keynes is the wrong answer.

My 80yo DM is Irish and keeps going on about all the immigrants. I have had to remind her that she and my DDad were also immigrants and also remind her of when they used to tell me stories of the signs up in rentals and jobs saying 'no Irish or blacks need apply' . How short their memories are.

I've known expats in Spain bang on about immigrants even though they themselves are immigrants. I think it is born out of ignorance and fear of other cultures and how ukip etc fuelled this fear of mysterious peoples arriving for our benefits.

Don't know what you can do because personally I think it's those who lack the ability to imagine someone else's circumstances that fell for it and so you'd have to find a way of showing them the reality is different. Statistics won't help as they still won't sympathies with the individuals behind the stats.

Must be very sad to hear someone speak like that when you had no idea they had those thoughts. If it helps I don't think they were really thinking about you and their gc but those 'others' they've been told to fear.

Jazzy I don't think I've vilified him. Other posters on this thread have had much stronger opinions than me on this issue!

As I said before, it rattled me because I can't reconcile that comment with the person I know.

I also fully appreciate that I am touchy on the subject. And I appreciate that he can have different ideas than me. It's just that those ideas are basically feeding the very strong fear that I am living with day in and day out (fear or not being able to stay in this country, either because I will be kicked out because it will be unmanageable. Fear of seeing my family split because DH wouldn't be welcome to my home country etc....)

After the last Ice Age, Britain was empty. We are all immigrants from somewhere

I love this comment too

I love the fact that my DH family have some north African in them - we always used to joke about them being related to shipwreckers on the Cornish coast - rape/pillage and all that but after some ancestry hunting MIL saw a photo of a relative "Well he wasn't white" I laughed out load - where did she think her dark colouring (and my DC) came from The only surprise is that it was more recent than we though but you don't get Mongolian blue spots in my side of the family - snow white with ginger hair.

blue youve called him a twat and ignorant because he has opinion that differers from yours.

You will get stronger opinions as I said unless you lean to the far left you classed as a ba**ard on here. MN is not true to life though. Most people do not have these views.

It's very unlikely that immigrants will be asked to leave as by 2019 most will have perm recidency rights and reversing that will take years. It's more likely that the door will be shut for future immigrants.

You don't have to reconcile anything as it's his opinion - how ever outdate. We can't all agree on every thing all the time.

I'm sure it being "unlikely" is not a great comfort to anyone who until last year was able to enjoy certainty.
It's a bit depressing if being a normal non xenophobic human being is now considered hard left.

At the moment you can only have a left wing opinion on anything and if you don't your an utter baard.

Genuinely don't understand what you are trying to say here, Jazzy.

Do you think all anti-racists are communists? Do you think they are stifling the free-speech of racists?

Sympathies to you, Op. This country has taken a shitty turn since June. The tabloids are stoking up this stupid mentality. Hopefully, this is just a blip in history and not the way we are heading...(No, I don't believe that either)

Just a few things.
I supposed that I should have said a wat and ignorant comment rather than just twat and ignorant.

But it will not stop me having to reconcile the two visions I have of him. One of a very nice man and one of someone who made an ignorant comment that on a subject that could literally change the life of his son, his SIL and his two dgc.
What I am taking from this thread so far though is that I will take it as an ignorant (as in lack of knowledge) comment. And the we'll see if he ever says anything like that again.

I do have an issue with people who tell me there is no way TM will send all Europeans back home and I should stop worrying because there is nothing to worry about as it is so unlikely.

I found that the people who are saying that are usually NOT the people who face the issue.
Plus they often have no idea how the current immigration system works in the uk for non European citizens. (That gives you some good clues on how Europeans are going to be treated)
Finally, the issue isn't just whether I will able to remain or not (still not settled. It's supposed to be one of the first discussion point with the EU. One that the EU has labelled as 'tricky'). But whether it will still be a nice place for me and the dcs to live in. I will not accept to see my dcs been told to 'go back home' (when they are British, born in Britain!!).

For me, people who tell me not to worry are a bit like those white people telling a black person that there is no more racism in the UK TBH.

(It's not just you Jazz, I've had a few people making similar comments to me)

It must be very hard OP and I truly hope things settle soon. Tbh I don't think anyone knows what is going to happen, but it is unsettled for anyone who is living here as a European. It is unfair of posters to jump and down as say it will be alright - as they don't know.

I cried with my neighbours when it was announced, I've seen some leave already, others uncertain like yourself of their future. There is a definitely a rise in acceptability of certain language. Perhaps speak to your FIL, explain that it made you uncomfortable and outline the uncertainties that this now puts the family in. It may be that it just isn't translating in his head.

dream can I say thank you for accepting to go into the discussion and listen to other POV. It's very nice when there is a poster like this on MN. All too often it degenerate into 'well if you aren't happy, go back home. We aren't welcome anyway' so I really appreciate it

Thank you, I appreciate the conversation from you and others, it has actually really opened my eyes a lot to things

This has definitely been one of the better threads on MN as its been a respectful chat of views and a real opportunity to learn something about the society that we live in

Unfortunately it means he could pass easily as Spanish or Pakistani.

My children are have repeatedly said that they are ashamed of their British passports.

Understand and sympathise with your feelings, but the idea of children (of any heritage) being ashamed of who and what they are, and their mummy cheering that on, is heartbreaking. Please don't do this :(

My children are have repeatedly said that they are ashamed of their British passports.

I'm also not from the UK. But I'm sorry to say this, I think it's really horrible for childen to be afraid of their heritage.
Because despite having encountered racism in the UK... It's also a really great country with lovely open and friendly people and it's extremely progressive in so many areas.

I know that really nasty people have been enboldened (Is there supposed to be an m in there? Idk... English ) but still. I'm not trying to be judgemental or pretend to be up on a high horse. But it is sad imo.

Why the humphy face Embo? Those are the options he generally has yelled at him.

I'm sorry your FIL said that OP.

It is unsettling and, truly, people don't think. My mother's family all emigrated in the 50s and 60s. Last year lots were ranting about immigrants and crowing over the Brexit result.

The hypocrisy is mind boggling.

struggling as I said above my children are very proud of their heritage, from two different European countries. They also happen to have British passports by virtue of having been born here, but they no longer identify with a country that has clearly said that their parents are no longer welcome here, or not without jumping through administrative hoops. Their British passports are just a piece of paper, just like mine will be :)