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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Karma :)

85 replies

doodlejump1980 · 08/05/2017 10:26

I'm due to be on the panel for an audition (local arts production) for someone who used to bully me at school. She doesn't know it's going to be me. This is karma isn't it?

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 08/05/2017 11:35

I think Lozza could be sued for libel or slander if she says who.

Remember the case of the plastic surgeon that some MNs named and shamed? MN had to give their details to the police.

Best not to risk it.

Iloveyouthismuch · 08/05/2017 11:36

Spoil sport! Grin

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/05/2017 11:36

Gosh, people on here are quick to assume that you'll be a dick about it!

I would be rather looking forward to such a panel interview as well, op. I would sit there with a little half smile on my face and carefully be as objective as possible, in the sure and certain knowledge that it would freak her out Grin

I wouldn't do or say anything else, mind you. That would indeed be mean.

Enjoy!

Chloe84 · 08/05/2017 11:37

Sorry iloveyou Grin

AnnieAnoniMouse · 08/05/2017 11:45

'Be the bigger person'

Pah.

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Yours is nicely chilled.

gentlydoesit89 · 08/05/2017 11:46

I don't buy into the whole 'we don't know their circumstances/people handle childhood differently' thing I'm afraid- it's practically saying the bully gets a free pass to be a little shit to others. Nope, not ok.
I was bullied from the age of 10 until I was 19, by the same group of girls. Nobody did anything about it, I even called the police after we turned 18 in utter desperation to no avail.

If I was given the opportunity to make their lives as hell as mine was, and to make them deal with the aftermath as I've had to I would in a heartbeat. Not for revenge, but because I fear until they were able to empathise they'll just carry on with their wicked streak.

Make her well aware you remember her OP, recuse yourself from any decision to protect your professional integrity but make her well aware she didn't win.

LurkingHusband · 08/05/2017 11:46

Real "karma" would be to wish them the best - even if it meant your suffering.

As others have pointed out - it's a misunderstood concept.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 08/05/2017 12:19

Lozza give us a clue.... go on ...!!

Yes, you don't have to give their name, just a little clue about them.

jarhead123 · 08/05/2017 12:20

I'm with you OP.

PP who said this person was a child, you're an adult. Thats irrelevant IMO. A bully is a bully

user1493022461 · 08/05/2017 12:21

Don't be so ridiculous.

LozzaChops101 · 08/05/2017 12:32

Ha! Oh my god, I'm sorry, I've totally oversold her stature in the world of showbiz! Fashion modelling and car adverts, not exactly Gisele Bundchen Wink

Littledrummergirl · 08/05/2017 12:36

Hell would freeze over before the main instigator who bullied me for years was offered a job by me. You reap what you sow and all that.

SheldonsSpot · 08/05/2017 12:43

I would make sure I was the one that came out of the room to invite her in for her audition, and I'd make sure she knew I remembered her...

"Jane Smith, yes it is you, I thought the name sounded familiar, we were at school together".

No smile, no expression, I'd be icy cold and extremely formal.

LozzaChops101 · 08/05/2017 12:44

I think a lot of people still don't realise the effects school bullying can have on people well into their adult lives, if not forever. I genuinely think my own life would be totally different now if it hadn't happened.

A friend of mine bumped into a girl who bullied her at school, 10+ years later. Bully said "Oh you haven't changed!" Friend just replied "Well I hope you have" and walked off. Grin

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/05/2017 12:48

Ignore all the posters telling you to 'rise above it'.

Would they be so neutral and superior if someone who had bullied and tormented their own child was in front of them? Someone who had ruined years of their young lives?

The OP isn't going to attack the bully, she's just thinking about judging her application with more information than the other panellists.

Do what you want OP, and what feels right to you.

Timeforteaplease · 08/05/2017 12:55

Could you get her to role play as part of the audition..... a bully perhaps?

LozzaChops101 · 08/05/2017 12:58

Timeforteaplease - This is inspired!!!

QuimWilde · 08/05/2017 13:05

Would they be so neutral and superior if someone who had bullied and tormented their own child was in front of them? Someone who had ruined years of their young lives?

I've been in a similar position, and yes I was. It's called being an adult.

Gingernaut · 08/05/2017 13:08

Recuse yourself.

When asked why, go all 'passive-aggressive' and ensure they ask her why.

If they get back to you after the audition, burst into tears and claim PTSD. She ruined your childhood.

Kidding. Not kidding

TheClaws · 08/05/2017 13:19

*Ignore all the posters telling you to 'rise above it'.

Would they be so neutral and superior if someone who had bullied and tormented their own child was in front of them? Someone who had ruined years of their young lives?*

Well, I was bullied mercilessly for eleven years. It turned me into an insecure, solitary adult until I sorted myself out. I still think being the better person is always the way to choose: you won't feel dirty on the other side, ie. just like her. Assuming she hasn't changed, that is - and she may have - so the person being punished is a perfectly lovely person who made a few mistakes as a teenager. Hmm

Tiredtomybones · 08/05/2017 14:09

I was unlucky enough to bump into my bully from school a few years ago. She started talking to me about school, I remember those days and all that shit, and I just pretended I didn't have a clue who she was. She gave me her name, no, sorry means nothing, I played totally dumb. I wanted her to think she meant so little that even her name didn't ring even the tiniest bell, when in actual fact, her behaviour towards me has repercussions even today. My heart was pounding but I pulled the stunt off. A little off topic OP, but I know how you feel!

Original poster
doodlejump1980 · 08/05/2017 14:57

Ok so...

  1. Should've put lighthearted in the op. 🙄
  2. It's an unpaid local group. For "fun"
  3. Other panel members already know that I knew her at school... And after. Bullying went on for YEARS. (They don't know about the bullying)
  4. Apologies for any offence caused by the use of karma. Should've put payback.
  5. It's obvs that many of you have a much higher morality or never experienced the callous, venomous and offensive bullying I had to endure
  6. Will endeavour to go along the smiling sweetly/ indifference/ making her squirm line!
As you were.
OP posts:
MrsTrentReznor · 08/05/2017 15:03

I've managed to exact revenge on 2 of my childhood bullies. Nothing major, just one up on them.
It. Was. Fucking. Awesome.
My early teens were absolutely miserable.
I don't care if rising above is the "adult" thing to do. I carry those mental scars as an adult.
One thing I will say as an adult though is that absolutely no-one bullies me now. I just don't allow it.

People seem to forget how hopeless it can feel to be surrounded by a group of absolute bitches that can physically and mentally do you great damage. You are forced into school every day to face your worst nightmare. It's not a bit of name calling for everyone.
If that shit happens to an adult, you can press charges. As a child you are at the mercy of the school's (often flimsy and shit) bullying policy.

BaDumShh · 08/05/2017 15:21

MrsTrentReznor how did you exact your revenge, if you don't mind me asking?

OP, I think watching her audition with a blank, stony expression is the best way to go. If she feels uncomfortable, it will be down to her and not you.

JaxingJump · 08/05/2017 15:34

The reality is that most bullies won't have given their victims a second thought and won't have a clue why this old school person is being a cold, uppity cow. It makes you look bad in the end and does nothing to help your self esteem (in my opinion).

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