Chatty kid next door

[choochooo]

WWYD?

I live in terraced house and my neighbour has a child of around 6. Neighbour is very nice, we chat when we see each other. Child is very sweet and I say hi to them out on street.

But when I'm in my garden the child has taken to climbing on to the wall on his side of the fence, peering over at me and talking to me. It started just when I was putting out washing, just 'hi' and then telling me what he's doing that day, or that his dad's just bought him a new toy (dad is separated from mum so lives alone). I gave polite and friendly answers, saying things like 'that's lovely, I hope you have lots of fun playing' etc etc as he's just a child, very sweet and also I think a bit lonely when he comes to stay.

But he's taken now to doing it whenever I'm in the garden. I'll be sitting reading a book, look up and there he is at the wall 'hiya!'. Or I'm out there with my DS and he's calling over to my DS (18 months) to say hi. Which is very sweet but kind of annoying when we are playing a game or I'm trying to talk to him.

I've tried being polite and saying 'ok we need to get on now' to close the conversation, but he just stands there staring at us over the fence until his dad calls him in. It's a bit intrusive and annoying and I end up having to go inside for a bit to get him to go away. The minute I go back out when coast is clear - within minutes there he is at the fence again. His dad does say to him 'hey, stop bothering the neighbours and come in' but mostly is inside and I think doesn't realise what's happening.

I really don't want to be rude or have to speak to his dad about it as he's just wanting to talk and isn't doing any harm in the grand scheme, so I'd feel very unreasonable. How can I deter this child from peering at me over the fence every time I'm in the garden?

Is the little guy talking at you or to you? Does the conversation go both ways, does he listen?

I used to work with an adult who talked at people, best way of getting rid is rather than listening, pick up on a topic relevant to what they're saying and talk back at them "oh, I remember when..." "Ooo that's just like that the thing I used to have..." and they disappear sharpish as they want you to just listen, not talk.

Try it.

It's mostly 'hi, what are you doing?'

Or 'did you see the new (insert toy) I got?'

I've said a few times - I'm always kind, he's a very sweet boy. Hence asking for help because I don't want to be mean. I like him, he's a nice kid.

He's quite a lot bigger and older than my wee boy so I'm not sure they would play together and tbh I don't really want to invite him over. We don't have much space to play in our house and it's cramped. My son takes no interest in him, he's more interested in bubbles and sand.

I'll try the kind but firm approach this weekend.

Did I mention though that when I don't speak to him he still stands up on other side of fence and just stares over at us? So I always feel like I have to speak to him, otherwise it's just awkward.

We also have a cat. He's very welcome to play with the cat! I just don't want to chat every time I'm in my garden.

@3littlebadgers yes! Just like that! You look up and there he is, staring. Then little voice says 'hello'

Inexpensive but tall trellis set up next to the fence and start growing something fast-climbing now?

I used to get this a lot at the park when my DCs were smaller, and I always used to feel sorry for the kids who wanted to talk, clearly they needed a bit more adult attention than they were getting from whoever they were with.

you prob. need to draw a line though, between being kind, and exhausting yourself with the constant attention-giving and not feeling like you can do your own thing in the garden. If nothing else, the trellis might give the dad the idea that he needs to keep an eye on his son a bit more than he is doing (I know you say he's a good dad etc, and being single it's hard, but you also shouldn't let your kids draw out attention from the neighbors every time they're in their garden).