Chatty kid next door

[choochooo]

WWYD?

I live in terraced house and my neighbour has a child of around 6. Neighbour is very nice, we chat when we see each other. Child is very sweet and I say hi to them out on street.

But when I'm in my garden the child has taken to climbing on to the wall on his side of the fence, peering over at me and talking to me. It started just when I was putting out washing, just 'hi' and then telling me what he's doing that day, or that his dad's just bought him a new toy (dad is separated from mum so lives alone). I gave polite and friendly answers, saying things like 'that's lovely, I hope you have lots of fun playing' etc etc as he's just a child, very sweet and also I think a bit lonely when he comes to stay.

But he's taken now to doing it whenever I'm in the garden. I'll be sitting reading a book, look up and there he is at the wall 'hiya!'. Or I'm out there with my DS and he's calling over to my DS (18 months) to say hi. Which is very sweet but kind of annoying when we are playing a game or I'm trying to talk to him.

I've tried being polite and saying 'ok we need to get on now' to close the conversation, but he just stands there staring at us over the fence until his dad calls him in. It's a bit intrusive and annoying and I end up having to go inside for a bit to get him to go away. The minute I go back out when coast is clear - within minutes there he is at the fence again. His dad does say to him 'hey, stop bothering the neighbours and come in' but mostly is inside and I think doesn't realise what's happening.

I really don't want to be rude or have to speak to his dad about it as he's just wanting to talk and isn't doing any harm in the grand scheme, so I'd feel very unreasonable. How can I deter this child from peering at me over the fence every time I'm in the garden?

[yoursforthetalking]

Inexpensive but tall trellis set up next to the fence and start growing something fast-climbing now?

I used to get this a lot at the park when my DCs were smaller, and I always used to feel sorry for the kids who wanted to talk, clearly they needed a bit more adult attention than they were getting from whoever they were with.

you prob. need to draw a line though, between being kind, and exhausting yourself with the constant attention-giving and not feeling like you can do your own thing in the garden. If nothing else, the trellis might give the dad the idea that he needs to keep an eye on his son a bit more than he is doing (I know you say he's a good dad etc, and being single it's hard, but you also shouldn't let your kids draw out attention from the neighbors every time they're in their garden).

[choochooo]

@3littlebadgers yes! Just like that! You look up and there he is, staring. Then little voice says 'hello'

[choochooo]

We also have a cat. He's very welcome to play with the cat! I just don't want to chat every time I'm in my garden.

[choochooo]

Did I mention though that when I don't speak to him he still stands up on other side of fence and just stares over at us? So I always feel like I have to speak to him, otherwise it's just awkward.

[choochooo]

It's mostly 'hi, what are you doing?'

Or 'did you see the new (insert toy) I got?'

I've said a few times - I'm always kind, he's a very sweet boy. Hence asking for help because I don't want to be mean. I like him, he's a nice kid.

He's quite a lot bigger and older than my wee boy so I'm not sure they would play together and tbh I don't really want to invite him over. We don't have much space to play in our house and it's cramped. My son takes no interest in him, he's more interested in bubbles and sand.

I'll try the kind but firm approach this weekend.

[SleepOhHowIMissYou]

Is the little guy talking at you or to you? Does the conversation go both ways, does he listen?

I used to work with an adult who talked at people, best way of getting rid is rather than listening, pick up on a topic relevant to what they're saying and talk back at them "oh, I remember when..." "Ooo that's just like that the thing I used to have..." and they disappear sharpish as they want you to just listen, not talk.

Try it.

[CatsRule]

I also thought oh no my new neighbours are on mn! My ds 5 constantly wants to talk to the man when he's sorting the garden and I can see he's just not the chat to children type...they are both nice and expecting their first so I'll give it 4 or 5 years

I usually distract ds and give him jobs and he's rarely out himself but oh yes he can chat! And it doesn't help that they have a cat which he loves!

It's very hard to end a conversation with small children...I understand why it's annoying but please be kind when being firm.

[Aeroflotgirl]

requesting and still why should she! Everyone has a right to their own space and privacy, op has been polite and chatty to the boy, but he's out there everytime she goes out in the garden, that would annoy the hell out of me.

[TheRealPooTroll]

I wasn't suggesting that the op nip to the shops and leave child babysitting! I was suggesting she sit a few feet away with a book keeping half an eye on things.
A nice read in the sun while an 8 year old plays the 30th game of hide and seek where the toddler 'hides' in the exact same place would have been appreciated by me when my kids where that age. And it would be some company for the boy as well. Win win all round!

[Questioningeverything]

Op I had to reread this cause I thought I'd posted without realising. Only my pesky neighbours are now my sons playmates. It was bloody irritating when he was just born and she'd shout through the fence for me or pop up all the time. Now though I go when I'm ready and if im busy or relaxing I answer very basic answers then say 'right sweetie I'm a bit busy now so I'll catch up with you later' and give no more attention. Feels mean but they learn

[requestingsunshine]

As a child, we all talked to neighbours and amazingly, they talked back. They had time (or pretended to), they bothered to listen. I learned about gardening, and earthworms, and butterflies and flowers and a myriad of other things.

What a shame no one can be bothered outside of their own little bubble now. sad

^This

Why don't you invite him round to play, he will probably love amusing and playing with your DC, you can read your book then!

[user1491572121]

PooTroll but not all kids can be trusted to play with a toddler whilst you "put your feet up"

I certainly wouldn't trust my youngest. She'd suggest they had a bath or something! Then forget the poor little thing. Or she'd dig a hole and pop the toddler in it for her own entertainment!

[thegreylady]

I understand now, if he lives with mum through the week then subtle deterrents not a bad idea at all.

[TheRealPooTroll]

Is it just me who'd be taking full advantage of him wanting to play with the toddler and would invite him in and put my feet up with my book for a bit longer while he entertained them?
When you're trying to relax alone though I'd pass the time of day and then say 'I'm going to have a read now so chat later'.

[3littlebadgers]

We have the same, but our little fence climber doesn't speak to us, he just observes! Yr 4 so not little. I find it quite unsettling. You can be busy doing something in the garden and feel a presence only to turn around to see a face peering over!

[choochooo]

Thanks so much everyone, I'll try some of your very gentle but firm ideas. Don't worry, I'll not upset him I promise!

[choochooo]

@Euphemia it's just England but we get the sun in the afternoons. It's Baltic just now though!

[choochooo]

The grey lady I would never be mean. How could I? He's only wee! He's such a nice young lad. Just chatty

[choochooo]

@Figaro2017 I'm already an old fart! I'm sure soon he'll have moved on but this has been a few years now of it.

[choochooo]

Actually my DS has started shouting 'HELLO' through the fence gaps at the dad, so perhaps this is our payback

[choochooo]

So sorry! Long day at work! Just reading through, thanks so much for the replies.

To anyone saying it's a shame or I'm in my own bubble - did you not read my post I'm confused! I DO talk to him. That's kind of the problem. I feel sorry for him because he's really sweet and only little and obviously lonely. His dad is lovely but tells him to 'go and play' so he comes into the garden.

He's a lovely lovely wee boy which is why I wanted to subtly deter him. Because as lovely as he is I get one hour a day nap time to do some chores then read my book at weekends, but there he is on the fence saying 'hiya!' As soon as I sit down. The minute I come out with my DS there he is - 'hiya!'

I always say 'hello, how are you, what have you been up to?' Or 'that's a nice new toy did you get that today?' Which I'm guessing doesn't help as then he thinks I want to talk to him every second I'm in my garden.

Sometimes I ask about his mum (he lives with her in the week) and he sounds sad and like he misses her :(. Makes me feel mean for not wanting to talk all the time.

Ah now writing this I want to go and give him a cuddle! Wee love. I take him cake sometimes when we have cake for DS.

But sometimes it would be nice to be able to sit in the garden in peace.

[troodiedoo]

My neighbours used to be childminders so I had this all day. Very long thin garden wall 5ft high, couldn't afford to fence it.

The neighbours were just as bad, they would talk for hours if you let them.

We moved house. Bliss. I think that's your only option unless you are prepared to be very blunt. You can bet his dad will have told him to stop yapping.

[froyotogo]

We had a kid like this. She would sit on top of her slide and wait for my do to come home from work so she could wave at him!! When we were gardening she would come over and 'help' and once her dad asked if he could leave her outside in the front garden with us as 'she wanted to watch'. I realised then that we were free childcare!

[littlemissneela]

My ndns kids are quite young and love to chat to us when we are in the garden. So does their dad when we are trying to get on with work; I wonder where they get it from?
I was gardening a few weeks ago and looked up to see a big blue eye peering at me through a knot hole in the fence! I always say hello to them, and answer them a few times or make comments about their toy etc, but then I just carry on with what I am doing and they generally go away and play again. I guess its slightly different as there are two, though in the day one is at school.
My ds was out there yesterday helping with some digging and he said they were just shouting through the fence at him. He had no idea what they were saying as it just sounded gibberish, but I thought it was sweet. I think its because they were expecting it to be my dh and it wasnt so they were excited
Anyway, you can just say hello and get on with what you are doing and if you feel like chatting then do so. It is sad if he is lonely, but you have your own ds and you are not responsible for the little boy next door.