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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think giving notice of marriage...

122 replies

KentMum2008 · 07/05/2017 22:15

...shouldn't take more than an hour?

Posting here for traffic really. DP and I are off to the register office to give our notices tomorrow, yay! First marriage for both of us so not sure what to expect. My friend says her and her husband were both interviewed in separate rooms. I thought they only did that if you're not a U.K. citizen?
We've got all our documents etc, appt is at 2 and I really want to be back in time to pick DCs up from school. It's rare DP and I get the chance to pick them up together because of work, and they love it when we do probably because DP insists we go for milkshakes after

RO is a 35 minute drive away. AIBU to think we can give our notices and be back in time for 3:15 pick up? I've got someone on standby in case we're not back.

Also, I appreciate this isn't really a big life issue, but what is AIBU for if not for minor everyday dramas?

OP posts:

QuimWilde · 08/05/2017 10:49

When we got married 15 years we were interviewed separately. He registrar told DH that is was unusual to see such an age gap (he's 13 years younger than me and I was 33 at the time). She asked if he'd thought it through properly, then when he didn't know that one of my middle names had been changed by deed poll when I was 16 (I'd never used the name, always hated it, but my mother insisted on it when she remarried) she said that we 'needy to talk more' because 'secrets aren't a basis for a good marriage'. Not sure which charm school she went to 😁

Congratulations OP 💐

QuimWilde · 08/05/2017 10:50

*needed to talk more 😁

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 08/05/2017 10:52

TeacupDrama Yes, we got married in the church near where I grew up, and had our banns read in both the church local to us and the one we got married in. No hoops thankfully

TheNoodlesIncident · 08/05/2017 11:28

DH and I had this, I don't remember the questions particularly. We are both UK citizens and weren't getting married in a register office but actually in Greece...

BackforGood · 08/05/2017 11:40

Church weddings are very different, the vicar is a registrar (as long as it's a CofE church)

Not exclusive to CofE Churches, I'd have thought the same applied in all mainstream Churches - ours certainly is (Methodist).
Perhaps that's why we didn't get lots of questioning then - the minister already knew me well in fact I was part of the process when he was appointed

NaiceBiscuits · 08/05/2017 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scottishchick39 · 08/05/2017 12:05

I'm in Scotland and I did it myself, my DH was at work so couldn't come. I was in and out in about 15 minutes.

GabsAlot · 08/05/2017 12:47

its diffrent in bloody england for the hundreth time!

Lules · 08/05/2017 13:46

naice I definitely did not show any ID. I probably was meant to and they forgot to ask. My experience will also be different to most people who marry in a CofE church because as I said I had to do it in the most complicated way (as I said by an Archbishop's Special Licence)

RiversrunWoodville · 08/05/2017 13:59

Eh never heard tell of this? NI but got married in Gretna Green. Probably just as well because DH goes to pieces if asked anything he'd probably have forgotten my name

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 08/05/2017 14:09

I got married in RC Church 25 years ago. Priest was a registrar so could do the league marriage but DH (fiancé at the time obvs) had to take our birth certificates to the RO and get our marriage licence in advance. I didn't go as I was at work. No interviews, no appointment, all very simple.

We'd been together 4 years by then but he still wouldn't have correctly answered any questions about my DOB without my birth certificate in hand!

lalalalyra · 08/05/2017 14:19

They do do similar in scotland, but much more discretely, and on the day (we lived in Scotland at the time so married there). The registrar spoke to DH when he arrived, and then me when I arrived. Only for a few minutes, but I know from a friend who is a Humanist celebrant that the little chat which is mostly about settling any nerves is also when they settle themselves that everything is ok and it's not forced or anything. That makes more sense as well - they are used to what people are like on their wedding day so probably have more of a nose for something wrong. Also means the notice is dealt with by admin staff rather than registrar's so they can be dealing with births, deaths or other marriages at the time. More cost efficient which tbh is probably the reason!

pigsDOfly · 08/05/2017 14:45

My DD and her DP are getting married soon. They're both British, been together about 7 years, lived together for about 5 of those, are buying a house together and have 2 DC together.

Surely, questions about, middle names for example, in cases like their's is a bit ott. I imagine a lot of people getting married these days are in similar circumstances.

I'm interested to know exactly what they'll be asked.

IcaMorgan · 08/05/2017 15:09

We did it last August in a London borough. We went in together to show ID etc then he left the room. I was asked my name, DOB, job, his name, DOB, job, his dads name, my dads name and if he was still alive (I replied how the hell should I know and he asked if I wanted my dad left off the certificate and I said yes). I went out and he went in, got asked the same questions and got my DOB wrong 4 times (he made me younger and then kept making me younger til the registrar gave him a hint).

We have to have an interview on the day of the wedding to make sure nothing has changed (age, address etc), his age has changed but nothing on mine has

User48627 · 08/05/2017 15:31

Yup, about 45mins and yup, DH got my DoB incorrect too, it's very common 😂

Original poster

KentMum2008 · 08/05/2017 17:32

We were in and out in 30 min, and 10 of them were waiting for the printer to work so she could print off the bit they display in the RO for a month.
We were asked each other's names, DoB, occupation and address. I went in first and said DP would definitely get mine wrong, registrar said 'they usually do!'

OP posts:

AnyFarrahFowler · 08/05/2017 18:12

Sounds like you had a nice registrar. Mine said my DH had got my job wrong. Horrified, I asked what he'd said.
"He said teacher and you said you're a primary school teacher", she told me solemnly. I laughed at her as I thought she was being funny. She wasn't, but I think she was a bit miffed by my reaction!

Fortunately the one who married us was lovely, and was also the woman who registered DS's birth, coincidentally!

Congrats OP!

Original poster

KentMum2008 · 08/05/2017 18:35

Thanks Any

I got DPs job title wrong, and he got mine wrong. I said early years practitioner, he said nursery teacher. She corrected him though, she was lovely. Looked just like Amy Adams. We're getting married in a different RO so hopefully the registrar there will be as lovely

OP posts:

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 08/05/2017 23:46

I find it very strange all these men seemingly not knowing their wife's birthday

I'd be very upset it DH didn't know mine. It's very basic; it happens every year.

Original poster

KentMum2008 · 08/05/2017 23:47

DP doesn't know his parents or siblings birthdays either, presumably because he's always been reminded the day before and never had to think about it.

OP posts:

NaiceBiscuits · 09/05/2017 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sinkingfeeling · 09/05/2017 23:04

Yes, there was this infamous case of a CofE vicar conducting hundreds of sham marriages . Couples where one or both parties are a foreign national now have to give notice of marriage at a register office.

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