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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think giving notice of marriage...

122 replies

KentMum2008 · 07/05/2017 22:15

...shouldn't take more than an hour?

Posting here for traffic really. DP and I are off to the register office to give our notices tomorrow, yay! First marriage for both of us so not sure what to expect. My friend says her and her husband were both interviewed in separate rooms. I thought they only did that if you're not a U.K. citizen?
We've got all our documents etc, appt is at 2 and I really want to be back in time to pick DCs up from school. It's rare DP and I get the chance to pick them up together because of work, and they love it when we do probably because DP insists we go for milkshakes after

RO is a 35 minute drive away. AIBU to think we can give our notices and be back in time for 3:15 pick up? I've got someone on standby in case we're not back.

Also, I appreciate this isn't really a big life issue, but what is AIBU for if not for minor everyday dramas?

OP posts:

Lules · 08/05/2017 08:24

I did have to have several meetings with the priest, including going through my DH's previous marriage and divorce in detail. Which was nice.

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 08/05/2017 08:36

We did ours about 8 months ago. Both Brits. It is took about 40 mins,we were seen separately and asked about each other's full names, dates of birth and job titles. Also the venue, date and time (which he got wrong) of the wedding. I was also asked name and job title of my dad (I'm in ny 40's)

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 08/05/2017 08:37

Oh and they charged us 70 quid for the privilege!

alonsypot · 08/05/2017 08:38

Yy Lules.**

Wombling, you have to be members of the church for some time beforehand or have family who are, so they know you a bit anyway. And the vicar did ask a LOT of questions in the several pre-marriage meetings. A bit like pre-marriage counselling.

Just no registry office part, that threw me for some reason!

NellieFiveBellies · 08/05/2017 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rioja123 · 08/05/2017 08:41

Just did this. We went in together at first and then my husband to be left the room. I had to tell the lady his dob, his job title, and full name as on his passport. Then I left, and he came back in and answered the same about me.

Mulberry72 · 08/05/2017 08:42

We did ours 12 years ago, we were both interviewed desperately.

DH couldn't remember my middle name or my Mums name or what year we met! He's got much better since!

Mulberry72 · 08/05/2017 08:43

*separately

paxillin · 08/05/2017 08:43

We were 3 minutes, if that. Address, passport, done. One UK citizen, one not.

kaytee87 · 08/05/2017 08:52

Eh?

I got married in 2015 (in Scotland where I live) we filled in a form then my mum actually handed it in to registry office and collected our marriage license a couple of weeks later then we gave that to the minister at our rehearsal.
Why would anyone get interviewed? Is it completely different in England?

KitKat1985 · 08/05/2017 08:53

I think ours only took about 30 minutes (we are also both UK citizens). We went in separately to how our ID and we just had to answer a few basic questions on the other person (simple things like date of birth, and what the other person did for a living). So I'm sure you will make the school pick up.

MetalLaLa · 08/05/2017 08:57

When me and DH gave notice we did it at completely separate offices 70 miles apart and neither of us were asked any of these sort of questions, probably because it would be hard to cross reference immediately? both UK citizens but this was six years ago so things may have changed. However the lady who did my appointment was quite curt and aggressive and she was constantly tapping on the little sign on the desk about being prosecuted if I lied about anything

PansyGiraffe · 08/05/2017 08:57

Sorry about your dad OP. My father died 15 years before our wedding and I was still emotional about it on the day (I walked down the aisle on my own) but actually I really liked that he had a "role" in our wedding by appearing on the certificate (although not that they have to write d'cd - try not to focus on that - or just don't tell them!)

selfishmommy · 08/05/2017 09:01

I think we can all agree it's different in Scotland! It makes sense to talk to people separately so if anyone is being forced into it they have the opportunity to raise a flag, or if it's a marriage of convenience it might become clear. It took us less than an hour.

Congratulations on your marriage - I'm sure your dad would be proud of you. Please try to embrace it and enjoy it x

mulberry72 interviewed desperately sounds a bit more exciting 😂😂

Njordsgrrrl · 08/05/2017 09:03

I'd forgotten all about this!

Got STBXH year of birth wrong but it was fine. I'd just had a baby so maybe they let me off. Still don't know the wedding date even though I had to look it up for the divorce papers last week

Good luck and congratulations!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/05/2017 09:04

Just as well we never had to do this. Dh is hopeless with names. Years after we were married he asked ME what his granny's first name was, and she'd died long before I even met him!

(Yes, I did know, though not sure how).

SecretNutellaFix · 08/05/2017 09:08

9 years ago our interviews lasted about 10 minutes each.
I warned the registrar that he'd get my birthday wrong as he could never get it right first time and sure enough,he forgot it.

TriJo · 08/05/2017 09:09

We got married in Ireland, took us about 20 minutes when we gave notice in Limerick. The most time-consuming bit was the fact that our celebrant (we had a humanist wedding) had changed address since we had sent in our documentation and the registrar had to chase her up and check the details.

confusedat23 · 08/05/2017 09:10

It doesn't take very long!

and don't stress... I even got DH's DOB wrong in mine and it all went fine

58NotBothered · 08/05/2017 10:04

Mango, you do know that it is perfectly possible to have a church wedding with just the 2 of you, vicar and 2 witnesses, don´t you? No need for meringue or cast of thousands!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 08/05/2017 10:18

mangomay Ahh that makes sense thanks

you have to be members of the church for some time beforehand or have family who are, so they know you a bit anyway. And the vicar did ask a LOT of questions in the several pre-marriage meetings. A bit like pre-marriage counselling.

That wasn't true for us (CofE). Neither of us were churchgoers (both atheists), nor were our families. We married in a church near where I grew up, but we'd never gone there so vicar had no clue who we were.

We only met them three times before the wedding - once for the basic questions which was very short, the second to alert them to our order of service, and the third for the rehearsal a few days before the wedding.

Hardly any questions and certainly not counselling, thankfully!

elQuintoConyo · 08/05/2017 10:21

It all seems a bit Blind Date - "what coloyr is his errr?"

(= hair)

FfionFlorist · 08/05/2017 10:22

Ours was about 18 months ago. Both uk citizens, in England.

Took about 15 mins, seen together, DH had no passport or photo driving licence so no real proof of identity but registrar said she was able to use her discretion. I suppose she could see we'd been together more than 20 yrs because she asked how long we had lived at our address.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 08/05/2017 10:31

We had our notice interview in late 2015. 10 minutes each separately then about 20 minutes in together as we were having a ceremony very like yours so it was organised at the time. For whoever asked having dc together makes no difference (we had 4 prior to marriage, currently pregnant with #5) except you have to re-register them after you're married.

TeacupDrama · 08/05/2017 10:41

everyone in England is entitled to marry at their local parish C of E church provided single or a widow/widower not divorced ( you don't have to attend but one or other of you must live in the parish) just like you are entitled to funeral in your local church.
as said above marriage in Cof E requires due notice, banns reading 3 weeks before, and just you, your partner and 2 witnesses and vicar

however if you want to marry in a different church to your parish church then there maybe more hoops to jump through
rules are different in Scotland

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