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AIBU?

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Original poster

to want to be able to shag DH?

89 replies

NeedAGoodRogering · 07/05/2017 18:27

DH and I have been married 20 years and always had a reasonable sex life until the older DC became teenagers and were therefore awake later and would still be awake when we went to bed. House is smallish with walls that you can hear farts through so no question of getting down and dirty if they may still be awake. DC3 also has ADHD and will be awake until the small hours (melatonin did not work on him). Just to complicate matters youngest DC (7) STILL gets into our bed during the night or will be awake at 5am so an early morning fumble is out of the question too.

We had got into a good routine of a nice long session when they were all at school/college as DH normally has one or two days off during the week. This changed when DC1 finished college and is now at Uni so only needs to go out 2 days a week. She won't get a job as she is sooo busy so will spend much of the other days in bed which have clashed with DH's days off. She has now finished until September and won't bugger off out! In addition DC3 has been refusing school since January so he has been at home most days too. Although he has just started going in part time now.

We last had sex in December and I am fed up with it. I have considered telling DC1 that she needs to go out on her Dad's day's off so we can have sex Shock but she will obviously be horrified Grin and there will no going back from that.

What can we do? There is no spare cash for us to have an afternoon in a hotel. Don't fancy a fumble in the back of the car or an'al fresco' session as wouldn't be able to relax (obvs we can go 'out' and DC1 can babysit) as that would be a waste of time.

OP posts:
Oddsocksforeveryone · 07/05/2017 19:13

We conceived dd in the downstairs bathroom lol, sometimes you've just got to grab the moments you can. Mine are still primary age (plus baby dd and bump)
I definitely wouldn't let uni age kids dossing about time stop me.
Good luck

NuffSaidSam · 07/05/2017 19:13

Send DC1 out somewhere on an errand. She's too old to be lazing about in bed. Send her to Tesco with a list of items that don't exist. Or get her to babysit, but take the others out. Could they all go to the cinema for the evening? Or send them to visit a relative?

Or, call a family meeting and announce that you need a good shag and as a result have bought everyone some earplugs. They should put them in between x and y time. Crack on.

isawahatonce · 07/05/2017 19:15

Why is everyone assuming the OP's DC1 is lazing about in bed. S/he's a uni student, s/he's studying...

fabulousathome · 07/05/2017 19:16

Can you play some VERY LOUD music while you DTD?

Allthewaves · 07/05/2017 19:16

Lock on bedroom door and tv in bedroom. Have an early night to watch some "tv", lick door turn it up loud and away u go

NuffSaidSam · 07/05/2017 19:16

Because the OP said:

'She won't get a job as she is sooo busy so will spend much of the other days in bed which have clashed with DH's days off.'

Allthewaves · 07/05/2017 19:17

Lick door = lock door Grin

gamerchick · 07/05/2017 19:19

December? Fuck that! Hmm

Lock on door and music or tv if you have one in there. Start putting said noise on from tomorrow to get them used to it being on.

Jimcanna · 07/05/2017 19:19

I would write off the anal fresco just yet. Use it as a threat. "If you don't go out on such and such a day every week, there will be a live anal fresco in the garden"

ALemonyPea · 07/05/2017 19:21

We've had to resort to morning sex when the younger DC are downstairs and the teenage one is fast asleep in his pit.

We get very excited when DS1 stops out at his Nana's once every two months.

CallMeMaybe · 07/05/2017 19:22

If you haven't had sex since December then you have bigger problems than just having teenage children in the house. It's entirely possible to have sex quietly, so I'd say that if you haven't had sex at all then there's something else wrong.

Emboo19 · 07/05/2017 19:22

Ha, it never bothered my parents!! I used to have to remind them if I had anyone staying over, to be quite!

Get the kids ear plugs.
Shower sex is good, you can't hear much over the water or could you do it downstairs once they're all in bed, leave the tv on and put something behind the door.

I'd tell the eldest though, just say can she go out as you and dh want some alone time. If she doesn't get the hint, she deserves to hear you!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 07/05/2017 19:23

I would insist eldest dc gets a job.

I bet if you had a long, noisy shag she'd suddenly remember she has to be somewhere far, far away.

Teabagtits · 07/05/2017 19:24

Have noisy sex. They'll soon get the message and go out.

user1484578224 · 07/05/2017 19:28

sex at all then there's something else wrong.....and you know this because....

underneaththeash · 07/05/2017 19:32

I find ignoring children is generally a good parenting strategy.

Besides your 7 year old shouldn't be in your bed, he's way old enough to stay in his room until its time to get up.

Yukbuck · 07/05/2017 19:34

I really don't see the issue here? You haven't had sex for 5 months. That's a long time! Just go to bed and put the TV on and get down to it. The teenagers will be too busy with their heads in their phones/ Netflix or whatever else they do to even notice. I caught my parents once as a child. Never ever heard them other than that. And I sure as hell know they didn't go 5 months without sex!

Bishybarnybee · 07/05/2017 19:35

YY to teenagers worse than babies for shag blocking.

ShoesHaveSouls · 07/05/2017 19:38

I've found that having teens, who want to stay up late, is a greater bar to having sex than babies/toddlers - it's a real shock.

Weekend mornings are good - our teens sleep in. We don't have a lock on the bedroom door, but I'm thinking of getting one, because quite often the dc sneak in to use the loo in our ensuite at anytime Hmm Otherwise, it's pack the children off to bed and stay up a bit later ourselves. And be a bit quiet.

ifeelcraptonight · 07/05/2017 19:44

My DD brought her boyfriend home the other week and they had shower sex. In the middle of the night when they thought I was asleep. I can assure you I heard them. and I put a pillow over MY head

Liara · 07/05/2017 19:47

Surely your eldest is aware that you sometimes have sex? How does she think she got there?

FGS just close the door and get on with it, if anyone doesn't want to hear they can wear headphones. Life is too short.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 07/05/2017 19:48

Crying at anal fresco.

Would a mouth gag not help? Grin

Just put a cowboy on your door handle like in meet the fockers. When the hats on you don't come knocking!

CoolCarrie · 07/05/2017 19:51

Sort out the garage, you already have a sofa bed in there, and turn it into a shag palace!

justnowords · 07/05/2017 19:52

Just came on to add my commiserations, have no solutions but are currently going through the exact same problem. Teens are the worst for killing the sex life. We try to do it quietly but even if dc wander past our bedroom door we stop and are deadly still and silent, which if occurs too many times, pretty much kills the mood. Don't even mention if they accidentally walk in hopefully the first and last time.

JessKM · 07/05/2017 19:54

I can assure you I heard them

Flowers I am so so so so sooooo dreading that moment