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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My year 11 DD has just got out of bed ......

45 replies

BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/05/2017 13:57

..... I suggested revision might be a good idea this afternoon seeing as her GCSEs start on 16th may.

She's heading back upstairs with a shrug, her phone and a plate of food saying I need to chill as "she'll wing it".

So frustrating. I wrote on here last week that I wasn't going to stress out, she knows what's required etc but I'm finding it harder to do that with the exams so close.

And breathe 🍷🍷

OP posts:
DorisMcSweeney · 07/05/2017 13:58

Education is wasted on the young.

user1488721675 · 07/05/2017 14:00

What Doris said...... gosh I wish I had listened to my mum then I wouldn't be back at college at pushing 40

blubberball · 07/05/2017 14:03

I winged it. My parents weren't interested. I got 5 Cs that I needed at the time. I'm not saying it was a great idea, or that maybe I couldn't have done better if I'd tried harder. I just lost all interest in school by that point, and just wanted to get to college and start earning money. She'll find her way and make her decisions, and will have to live with them. Sorry, I'm not really sure what you can do.

NuffSaidSam · 07/05/2017 14:04

Sometimes I think they are secretly revising, but they just can't bear to let the 'I know everything, but care about nothing' facade slip!

Or they're scared shitless to try and then fail. Much easier to do nothing, fail and then explain it away as 'I don't care bout exams innit bruv?!'

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 07/05/2017 14:06

She's up early, mine wont surface until about 6pm

Flightywoman · 07/05/2017 14:06

My mum used to say "I have no problem with Flighty, she just goes upstairs and does her work". Yeah. I was actually writing a Mills and Boon historical romance!

I failed my exams on purpose to spite my teacher (because he was an utter twat) I didn't want to go to university and had no need of them at the time. But I went to night school the following year and did 2 years in one, and passed.

And then I went back to college a few years later and did some more and then went to university when I was 27.

Try not to stress, if she wants to do it she will, and if she does it she'll have her whole life to re-take or study something about which she's passionate, or just vaguely interested in.

user1491326393 · 07/05/2017 14:06

Tbh I winged my gcses, I did a bit of group revision with friends (read: mess about 90 percent of time) and a bit of superficial flicking through in front of my parents, but I didn't do much at all and ended up with 6 a*, 4a and a b, so it was fine. My parents were very laid back though and not at all pushy with academics (and managed to get 4dc into v selective grammar) and their approach seemed to work so I'm sure your dd will be fine! Better than her being a stressed anxious mess! An alternative idea would be a small bribe with a trip to topshop/fave shop??!

CBeebiesaddict · 07/05/2017 14:09

I agree with the secret revision! I acted all nonchalant about it in front of my parents but in my room was swatting like crazy. No-one in my family has seen my DB ever revise. He got 3 straight As at A Level.

innagazing · 07/05/2017 14:25

Hmmm... I'm not sure I could be as optimistic as the posters here. How did your dd do in her mocks?

Original poster
BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/05/2017 14:28

Smileat getting up at 6!!

She did ok in her mocks, some passes were scrapes though.

OP posts:
DreamilyLookingOutOfTheWindow · 07/05/2017 14:42

Hmm chances are, she's not secretly revising though, as why pretend you are not, so your parents can be on your back unnecessarily?

OP I suggest one last talk about how important gcses are and the consequences of failure and then leaving them to it, you cannot force anything if they are going to piss their opporutnities up the wall you cant force any different and even trying is going to cause massive problems + stress - and if she doesn't want to revise, she still wont

PossumInAPearTree · 07/05/2017 14:46

I feel your pain.

I suggested to Dd this morning she may wish to do some revising as she did none yesterday, none last weekend. She cried non stop for two hours, said I was abitch, said she wishes she was dead and has gouged chunks out her arm.

She's now calmed down and is back to instagramming.

PossumInAPearTree · 07/05/2017 14:47

And I know she's not revising because she's normally watching Netflix downstairs or out the house or playing WOW which I can hear.

DreamilyLookingOutOfTheWindow · 07/05/2017 14:47

has gouged chunks out her arm

This is horrifying

I honestly think your kid needs help quite urgently, if the thought of revising causes them to self harm

MongerTruffle · 07/05/2017 14:53

she'll wing it

It's impossible to do that because English and Maths GCSEs are linear now.

ShakingAndShocked · 07/05/2017 14:53

Dreamily No offence but I suspect Possum is acutely aware that a self-harming DD needs help - easier said than done though, esp with so much conflicting advice on best ways forward coupled with so few actual resources.

Original poster
BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/05/2017 14:55

Blimey Possum that sounds hard!!

OP posts:
barefoofdoctor · 07/05/2017 14:56

Possum untreated severe depression and anxiety along with self harm which my Mother tried to (and successfully) ignored during my early teens has ruined all the chances life offered me while young and I still get angry about this at almost 40. Please get help for her as soon as possible.

DreamilyLookingOutOfTheWindow · 07/05/2017 15:03

It is amazing how many parents do not deal with this stuff head on, not because they don't care, don't get me wrong, but it is played down or not known how to deal with or the mental health condition is not recognised or classed as 'attention seeking' or even wants to admit that there is a real problem

I am not having a go at anyone, not everyone knows how to deal with this stuff or is strong enough to deal with this stuff

I know from personal experience that mental health services are severely lacking for people of any age

Kokusai · 07/05/2017 15:06

I winged my GCSEs. Did no revision. Got A* 4xA 3xB 2xC.

I did revise for A levels. Got straight As.

I've revised for every exam since as I realised how effective it was!!!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 07/05/2017 15:15

It's probably stating the obvious but It seemed to work with my son to encourage him to write a simple revision timetable. Sometimes they just don't know where to begin with revision.

He isn't doing an awful lot but it's something.

Mind you, he did lie down on his bed half way through writing out the time table, saying "I'm having a break!" Confused

pickleypockley · 07/05/2017 15:22

I read that as 11 year old doing GCSE, and thought wow lol

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 07/05/2017 15:23

I'm not sure the 'I winged it' brigade coming on here are helpful. Those posters must have been exceptionally bright - and, also, everyone acknowledges the GCSEs are harder this year, especially in English and maths.

The tech seems to be at the heart of some of the matter here : can you take her phone off her??

I think if it bothers you , and is stressing you out, you need to take assertive action!

Not a boast because it has its own issues, but I was worried about DS1 today (also year 11) because he was still in bed at 8am!! He's usually up and shuffling about by 7.30.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 07/05/2017 15:24

Haha nineties that is exactly what my DS did!

Revision seems to consist of lolling about on the floor in his duvet.

missminimum · 07/05/2017 15:26

New to this site, so hope I am posting correctly!
Maybe have a chat with your DD and discuss how she will feel on results day. Discuss how she may feel if she doesn't get the results she wants and knows if she had put in more effort she could have done better. Also discuss how she may feel if she knows she had tried her best to prepare and got the best results she could. Perhaps focus on it's not about getting high grades but wanting to feel proud rather than having regrets. Hope that makes sense

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