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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd went on sleepover - Mother of friend had provided alcohol!

107 replies

Persephone70 · 06/05/2017 19:41

This is a WWYD.

Dd (13) went on a sleepover last night to a friends house - 4 girls in total, all aged 13 years and Mother of 1 girl at the sleepover house.
Daughter dropped off at 10.30am this morning by Mother of friend.
This afternoon I get shown a snapchat screenshot by a child in our street, depicting my Dd with a bottle of blue WKD in her hand and it says 'my friend drinking alcohol for the first time' - it had been posted by the friend who had hosted the sleepover.
So, I go banzai at my Dd and ask what on earth went on at the sleepover! Dd breaks down and says Mother hosting sleepover had bought WKD for the girls, thinking it would be fun!? Dd vehement that she kept refusing the offer of trying it, when offered by friend, but friend was getting angry and cross so dd tasted it (friend took photo of this). Dd said to friend that she didn't like it, as did other 2 girls at sleepover - so friend hosting drank the WKD herself and fell asleep.
AIBU to be absolutely fuming at parent of hosting child for buying minors alcohol and thinking it ok to give my child alcohol - without even asking me?!
What should I do? I have no contact number for the Mother, but do know where she lives (obviously).
Sorry if it ses a bit disjointed, but didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
GotToGetMyFingerOut · 06/05/2017 23:01

This happened to me last week with my daughter who is 12 but the parents also buggered off out all day and night to the pub in the next village leaving the younger twin siblings of four years old and they were all in and out their pool. My daughter called me at nine as she wasnt happy and I went and picked her up.

I went mental the next day at the parents. One of the children could of got drunk and drowned or one of the little ones under the elder ones care. But essentially their friendship is now over due to the mum and dad's irresponsible behaviour. Apparently they buy her alcohol every Friday and Saturday and know she smokes. Which I didn't till my dd told me.

I'd go round or just end their friendship.

Bambambini · 06/05/2017 23:05

I'd be absolutely furious, last time for me. Had a friend whose young teenage daughter went to a friends for a sleep over with her school girlfriend. My friend only found out later that 2 boys also stayed over. Some folk have weird ideas of what is acceptable.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 06/05/2017 23:13

If any of the girls had become ill shed of been in trouble with the police.

This happened in the next town along from us www.google.co.uk/amp/www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/ayr-woman-admits-buying-strong-9947440.amp

Wando1986 · 06/05/2017 23:16

I was going out to town at 14 on nights out & necking smirnoff ice/wkd throughout the night. Prior to that drinking more vodka than was probably ever safe at house parties. Clubbing with parental permission at 15. Figured out very quickly what my limit was and respected alcohol ever since, which is what they knew would happen!

...to the point where I barely have more that a beer or two all summer and a brandy and coke at Christmas if I'm feeling in the mood. Why? Because alcohol is fucking boring (yes I'm looking at you - all week wine drinkers) and the earlier kids see drunken arseholes the less likely they are to ever want to be one.

hks · 06/05/2017 23:24

id call the police or social services for advice What was this moher thinking about !!!!! giving young kids alcohol ..luckily your daughter knew it was wrong

two girl in my daughters school ended up in hospital last weekend as they were at a party one collasped her soft drink was spiked .. and another drunk a bottled of wkd and had to have her stomach pumped these were 13 and 14 yr olds

MazDazzle · 06/05/2017 23:30

I work in a school and this rings alarm bells. It's definitely something my school would be keen to hear about. It might be a small part of a much bigger picture.

If they'd been 14/15 and it had been a party, but a small group of 13 year olds at a sleepover? No, it doesn't sit comfortably with me.

I'd definitely speak to the other two's mothers. It would be good for your daughter if you are on friendly terms with them.

I'd steer a wide berth from the host mother/daughter of possible.

ginflumpsandzebraprint · 06/05/2017 23:33

I've been through a very similar thing with dd1 recently, I did go to the school as I work in safeguarding and felt it was necessary. For the record the school agreed with me, they won't take action but the will make a record and they also then know to listen out for any fall out. In the case with my 13 yo the mother also allowed boys to sleep over and went to bed and left them downstairs all night together ! I would talk things through with your dd mine also was drawn to this girl because she was shy and struggling with friendships.
The end result was this girls " cool mum " strutting over and trying to start a slagging match with me, I walked away stating I would not discuss it in the street like a fishwife and she was welcome to come to my house without the kids to discuss it, she didn't !
My dd however realised this girl was a nasty piece of work as she started saying to other kids I was lying about it all because I was driving my dd to suicide Angry
Dd is now friends with all the kids this girl has already treated like this!

Beeziekn33ze · 06/05/2017 23:33

I think the school would want to be told.

MazDazzle · 06/05/2017 23:36

If you do report it, the school need never let on who told them. The fact that it's on snapchat means anyone could see it. We often get tipped off of incidents that have appeared on social media.

janesmom · 06/05/2017 23:39

Lol at call the police. Just mentioned this to dh who was until recently a police super and he was genuinely incredulous that anyone would bother to waste valuable police time with this (entirely legal but foolish) mundanity.

Your dd sounds pretty sensible. Don't let her go back there. Problem solved!

MommaGee · 06/05/2017 23:44

Then I remember that at the age of 12 I went to France with my friend & her family & we were given wine (watered down admittedly) with dinner as a matter of routine. Is it so different?
Yes unless you were practically bullied in to and then felt so scared of the repercussions that you couldn't tell your parents. Also social drinking ie glass odd wine with dinner is completely different to you have to have alcohol to have fun / be my friend / fit in

janesmom · 06/05/2017 23:48

I don't agree with giving anyone else's dc alcohol without permission at all, but...

I sort of agree with the glass of wine at dinner mentality within your own home. I genuinely believe that the prevalence of this on the continent is why we have a binge drinking problem and they don't.

CheeseQueen · 07/05/2017 00:39

OMG, I'd want to go absolutely apeshit. With the sleepover mum. (I have a 13 year old.)
I KNOW my 13 year old. He seriously doesn't do anything apart from milk, water, and occasional blackcurrant juice.) Aversions to anything new.
If I got a picture of him with WKD, I'd be like WTF. It wouldn't be "him."
What parent would supply alcohol to a 13 year old party anyway? If mine had one, no way would I be supplying. Even though I never would anyway, if i was supplying, how could I be sure that other parents felt the same way?! MASSIVE assumption to make that all are as slack as you.

BlueChairs · 07/05/2017 03:07

I was 14 the first time my mum bought me alcohol and honestly I don't believe your daughter tbh ... her and 2 friends didn't like it ? More like she's trying to not get her mates in trouble ... but you know her and I don't so obviously I don't really know x

junebirthdaygirl · 07/05/2017 08:15

0Its always a good idea before your dd goes on a sleepover to get the parents number and talk to the parent beforehand. When we had sleepovers parents always did that and the other way round. They would ask will there be a parent present etc. That way the other parent knows you are a parent that is strict about their dc so keeps them on their toes a bit.

Nancy91 · 07/05/2017 08:24

Call the police because a teenager tasted a WKD?! Gotta love mumsnet sometimes...

youarenotkiddingme · 07/05/2017 08:49

It's not the drinking - plenty of young children try a sip of parents/ family members drinks within the home or at family parties.

It's the fact this young girl was bought the alcohol and felt pressurised by the actions of others to drink it. Then they put this on social media with a comment that shows it's wasn't about sensible drinking within social realms but more a "look at us drinking" exercise.

mummytime · 07/05/2017 09:30

I would suggest you calm down and apologise to your DD. Praise her for standing up to peer pressure. And give her a signal like texting "X" to you, for you to rescue her without recriminations from situations in which she is "unhappy".

Then I would read the riot act to the mother and there would be no more sleepovers there, she is not fit to be responsible for children.

SecretNetter · 07/05/2017 09:37

and another drunk a bottled of wkd and had to have her stomach pumped

Sorry but I don't believe this at all, unless the teenager involved had some other medical condition that reacted with alcohol or made them more succeptible to it's effects.

The amount of alcohol in a WKD is tiny...maybe a bottle of it would make a tee total 13 year old 'feel' it but it's nowhere near stomach pumping levels!

MummyMuppet2x2 · 07/05/2017 09:41

Some people are irredeemably stupid.
What parent does that?
FGS Angry

Astro55 · 07/05/2017 09:53

My DD went to a sleepover - same scenario - parent brought the alcohol - which I why I looked up the law on it - out of interest as I think most people know you can't buy alcohol for under 18's

However - I didn't contact the parents - I did ban DD from further sleepovers - so did the other girls parents -

The Sleepover girl was recently carted off in an ambulance as she was puking up in the town centre having drunk a vast amouny wine and vodka - she's only 14 - she was very lucky to have a few good sober friends looking out for her - had she passed out in an alley way who knows why might have happened

YouTheCat · 07/05/2017 10:43

My dd was given vodka at a sleepover at 12. She told me when she got home. I didn't go ballistic but explained why she wouldn't be going for sleepovers at that friend's house again.

Dd was allowed small amounts of alcohol at home occasionally, as was I, growing up. She hasn't turned into a raging alcoholic. In fact, she's 22 now and rarely drinks at all.

shakingmyhead1 · 07/05/2017 11:19

i dont have anything to say that hasnt already been said on the subject apart from to offer a {{HUG}}
I read online a few weeks ago about a family that has a signal for help, in any situation that the children feel uncomfortable or unsafe or just need to get away from, all they need to do is text any family member ( mum dad older brothers or sisters) a single X and whom ever receives it is to call right away and say "hey NAME something has come up i need to come collect you now" and they go collect and remove the child is safe, they agreed if the signal was used there would be no consequences ( if the child was somewhere they were not meant to be etc) because the child needs to know when the signal is used all anyone cares about is getting them out of a situation to safety
Might be something to talk over with your daughter, then if she does get into a bad situation like this again she can ask for help without anyone knowing she has, and even if they see her phone all they see is an x like a kiss xoxo

youarenotkiddingme · 07/05/2017 11:22

There is such a huge difference in being allowed an alcoholic drink at 13yo because you asked in a party situation and having alcohol bought for you and encouraged to drink it.

That's where the safeguarding issue comes into it.

JennyHolzersGhost · 07/05/2017 11:31

Poor DD. I'm glad you talked to her again OP. I'd go and give her a hug and tell her it's all ok.

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