To ask why siblings don't get on?

[WhamBamThankyouGeorge]

If you and your siblings don't get on as adults, why is it?
Different sex/different schooling/different levels of educational attainment or sportiness?
Or is it just one of those things?
Me and my sibling are like chalk and cheese and don't get on. Almost can't believe we are related.

Very different personalities and priorities

In my husband's case, it's totally different personalities, living 200 miles apart, and his sister being 7 years older. By the time he was in high school she was moving out for uni.

I get on well with all my siblings but some of them don't get on with each other. In those cases there are a variety of things. Different interests, different levels of wealth, and petty things that have got blown out of all proportion. Mostly the petty things tbh.

Very different personalities, different priorities and expectations, and jealousy. Having a large age gap doesn't help.

Very different here. I get on with mine so well, my brother and i are best friends and we get on with our sister fantastically. Spent last night just the three of us drinking wine and catching up.

My 2 boys and 1 girl also get on. My mum's one of 3 who are really close and my dad and his 2 siblings get on really well two. All sorts of age gaps, educational differences, distances. Never thought about it before but im thinking we're very fortunate and not the norm?!

Operaha that sounds lovely. I'm envious.
Madame I guess the differences developed later in your case?
What about treaclesoda - around what age did the petty things between your other siblings start to arise and cause issues?
I'm interested in all of this as we are considering a second child and I would like my children to get on better than I do with my sib, probably particularly as adults.

My sister was jealous of me since we were children, simply because I was the youngest. She still resents me so much and stops talking to me for years at a time. It used to upset me terribly but as I get older I realise the problem is hers and there is nothing I can do to change her feelings towards me. She seems to hate me but also hates it when I ignore her.

Different personalities and a lifetime of resentment built up.

Agree different personalities - I have 2 sisters who were close in age, I'm the youngest by 5 years. Of my 2 sisters I'm very close to one and we get on like a house on fire, however I've always said that if we weren't related I would never speak to her as although I love her I don't like her

I am the same as @Chaby totally different personalities & priorities.

Different personalities.

I was best friends with dbro. But as we got older he didnt grow up. At 4p him and his wife depend in our mum and dad to help pay bills (both healthy adults no reason they cant sort themseleves out) and do their washing etc.

They also treat my parents like shit.

Keeping away from them was easier than getting wound up when thry talked to my mum like she was a piece of dog shit.

Thanks everyone. Sounds like there's not much I can do in terms of influencing then. If they happen to have very different personalities then there is a chance they won't get on.

lots of reasons - different personalities is probably the big one - as a result of that being treated differently in the family, this leads to more resentment about the other sibling.
e.g. youngest child is much more vocal and prone to tears to resolve things, family always fussing about the more vocal 'baby' and older child is expected to be self sufficient - which continues long past childhood and into adulthood.

No reason why they should.
I've seen my sister twice in 25 years. Haven't fallen out, just have nothing in common with her.

I was always jealous of my sister. She is 17 months younger and I was never done hearing how smart she was in comparison to my "need to work hard", how skinny she was, how athletic she was, how much she loved cars and making things like my dad (she was the son he never had) she was just excellent at everything, couldn't put a foot wrong (when parents were looking anyway). She's also very judgemental about things she knows nothing about. We get on quite well now as adults but I hated her as a child.

Different priorities, different politics - he lives in the US, is very right wing and thinks I'm a communist!

My brothers and I have nothing in common besides being raised by the same people. Just different personalities, values and interests. We don't dislike each other but have nothing in common that we'd ever meet up other than at my parents' house at Christmas etc.

Age gaps probably contributed as well, tbh - five years between each of us. It meant we never really bonded as children, I left home when my youngest brother was still in primary school.

I was thinking about putting up a post like this.

My DH has a brother who he can't really stand. They gave minimal contact, only see each other at Christmas and my DH has always described him as being a twat.

I have a sister who I absolutely adore, I love her to pieces and she's like my best friend.

I'm currently pregnant with our second DC and I'm praying they have a relationship like me and my sister do as opposed to one like my DH has with his brother.

Me and my sister are very different people, different personalities. different lifestyles (in terms of career and money) and in lots of ways we are chalk and cheese but we are still really close.

There is only 13 months age gap between me and my sister whereas the age gap between my DH and his brother is about 4.5 years and I do wonder if this plays a part.

Our current DS will be 3.5yrs when our second DC is born which is a big age gap then I would have liked but I will just have to hope for the best!!

I don't get on with DB at all. I think growing up we weren't close as we're 4 years apart. It's just a bit much. We could never bond in high school as he was just finishing when I started.

I'll add that we have totally different interests and personalities and I actually really dislike the stuff he likes. Sport obsessed and awful taste in music. His hobby bores me senseless. Still, if we'd been closer in age maybe we would have influenced each other's taste. A 13 year old boy hardly likes the same music as a 9 year old girl. Or 16 and 12. Same with books, friends or anything really.

I'll also add that our parents were rubbish. DF left when I was 12 and DB 16. DM wasn't up to the task of single parenting, especially with a very angry teenage boy whose dad went from one of his only companions to pretty much NC overnight. Still I could have forgiven him the aggression and making my teenage years awful as I understand how hard it was for him, but there's nothing there to actually build a relationship on now.

If he and DM do get together she still goads him and he still calls her stupid etc so I avoid family get togethers at all costs. The last time I saw him was about 6 years ago when a meet up was sprung on me. Since then he called when DS was born almost 4 years ago, and texted when DDs were born almost a year ago. I don't foresee any contact for years to come.

I kind of dread my DM dying just because I'll have to talk to him to arrange a funeral and all that. I know how awful that sounds but it's true.

I thought long and hard before having another baby because I hate the thought of my kids being like this. I should mention here though that DP and SIL are super close even though they have almost nothing in common and very different personalities. That swayed my decision.

I really do think it's 90% down to good parenting. Had mine been better able to facilitate a good relationship I would have been very willing to make the effort with DB. I think the love is naturally there for siblings and can get chipped away at if the parents don't protect it. I'm interested to see if others think this is the case. I am desperately envious of people who get on with their siblings and would of course like that for mine too. Just how do they do it?

Get on with most of my sisters, one had mental health problems and when she's not in a good place she can be very aggressive and just plain nasty, when she's well we get on better. Otherwise it's just walking on eggshells waiting for her to flip.

My brother is a self confessed narcissist. He is younger than me by 3 years and struggled growing up when it wasn't all about him. He's exactly the same now. He has to direct and dominate conversations and it's always all about him and his work. He is a faux intellectual - despite never having studied an academic subject he will be more of an expert on it than you! He is also eternally the victim (like my mum) which means he's always hard done by and it's always everyone else's fault. These aren't likeable traits in anyone. That said people just love how charming he is.

My brothers and I get on great. We are all adults and there is about a 5 year gap between me and them (I'm the youngest)
I can't imagine my life without them. They are just the best. I realise I'm really lucky though. We had our ups and downs growing up like any normal siblings would but nothing major. We live in different cities now, in fact we haven't all lived in the same place for about 10 years now. But we try to see each other once a month/ 6 weeks and sometimes more if life throws another meet up/ event. We reminisce and just have a great time. I hope my future kids have the same relationship.

There's a 12 year age gap, we never actually lived together because my mother shunted me off to boarding school when they were born, they were raised by my mother to think that treating me like scum is acceptable and have never even been reprimanded for deliberately endangering my life.

When you add to that the fact that they have been babied, indulged and are yet to learn how to be adults... I dispise and pity them in equal measure (my father has long since given up on them).