To ask why siblings don't get on?

[WhamBamThankyouGeorge]

If you and your siblings don't get on as adults, why is it?
Different sex/different schooling/different levels of educational attainment or sportiness?
Or is it just one of those things?
Me and my sibling are like chalk and cheese and don't get on. Almost can't believe we are related.

My DSis and I (4.5 year age gap, she's younger) didn't even start to get on until I'd left home. We're very close now, it was just living together that didn't work.

Completely different personalities and divisive parenting/grand parenting.

Different proprieties. Her being judgmental and outrageously rude, accusing and misremembering what happens. Likes to blame and tell everyone everything even though it's lies. Also jealousy and treating parents and other siblings like trash. Oh and yes her past was wonderful (alchy, druggy, theft, abusing our mum and the list can go on) of course she pretends to be Mrs upper ware whilst still passing round drugs and grabs stuff and money from parents. Anyhow we have very different views and so NC which is great.

Different schooling at secondary
Different political views
An incident in adult life when brother lost his temper
Distance
Sad really, many of my cousins are close to their siblings

My brother was the Golden Child, and I was the scapegoat. As an adult he lives with his head in the sand. I hear on the grapevine he's on his 3rd marriage and he's a shit parent.
I went NC with my family and dont regret it at all. I dont need the drama.

Yes, different personalities and priorities, which on the whole is a result of being parented quite differently.

My brother was favoured massively by my mum and treated like a king - I don't blame him for that, it wasn't his fault, but it's certainly led him to develop personality traits as an adult that I find hard to bear.

We had a hugely dysfunctional childhood in which I became more like a parent to my siblings. One of my siblings has always been incredibly needy and emotionally demanding and also controlling - it's not really her fault but I would rather have an equal sibling relationship and it makes it difficult. I don't feel like she's an adult even though we're close in age. (And middle-aged!)

I think a big age gap can be a problem especially with only 2. If the older child is mid-primary age, it must be quite a shock to the system. I'm an only child and never wanted a sibling though.

Because my brother is an abusive dickhead.

My brother is a very selfish individual who only cares about himself. We used to be close as kids, but at over 50 he hasn't grown up since being a teenage boy.

Wow some horror stories. My sibling and I simply have very little in common and no reason to get in touch.

My DB is very formal, calls before coming, expects the same, never overstays, very polite. I am loud, opiniated, overfamiliar and insensitive (acc to him). No fights but we both prefer other ppls company

Children of narcissistic parenting and low level abuse. Older brother allowed to bully me verbally and physically. Brother at just over 2 not prepared for my birth. Sibling competitiveness and rivalry, encouraged by immature parents.

Because she was horrible to me growing up and unsupportive as an adult.

My brother is the most selfish, self absorbed, arrogant, controlling, manipulative, unfeeling cunt I have ever met. No idea how, we grew up in the same house with the same parents and if anything he (as the youngest) had an easier time of it. He's a dick. I only speak to him because it would break my parents' hearts if I didn't.

I get on great with my younger brother despite living in different parts of the country and having 6 years age difference.

DH's sister lives 10 mins away and but they don't get on at all.

They were always ok with each other until DH had an operation to remove skin cancer and she phoned up to ask for a phone number for a builder rather than to ask how he was feeling.

That was the nail in the coffin for him.

Petty things that have got blown out of all proportion, misunderstandings, harsh judgements all in a context of living in different countries and meeting once or twice a year, living in the same house for 4/7 days. Now we don't speak.

Because my brother sexually abused me as a small child and somehow thinks the world owes him a favour.

DH and his sister don't particularly get along. They're just very differently people: different personalities, different interests, different worldview. She's older by a couple of years, and has never really got over having a sibling!

I get on well with my sister, but then we're very similar and we have shared interests. She's 9 years younger than me, so there was never any sibling rivalry. My mum does point out I wasn't particularly interested in her until she was a "proper person", though. I think when she was around 14!

With the disclaimer that I'm an only child, I don't see why sharing of DNA should be an automatic reason to like each other.

Out of all the people you meet in your life, some you like, some you loathe, and most you are just indifferent to. Siblings are no more or less likely to like each other than any other people. My husband likes one of his siblings and they text or chat on the phone sometimes. He has less than zero in common with his other sibling, and each doesn't really see the point of the other one.

My young adult children argue about everything, call each other names, bait each other endlessly (no teasing; I draw the line at that) and if anyone heard them, they would think they hated each other. They are fiercely protective of each other though. However, when they've both left home, I imagine they will be in fairly constant contact, but not make any particular effort to see each other.

Being treated differently by parents
I was always told to work, to earn my own money, So always have done.
My siblings were handed money ( even had homes given to them) one doesn't work, and never will (did have a job for a short time) doesn't really need too now.
The other has worked, but has not done so for 10 years.
I work full time. I am not considered to be worthy of monetary hand outs as I have enough earnings to cover my costs of life.
Yes resentment builds.

I am very lucky I get on with my sisters, it might help that we have the same kind of lifestyle. It's impossible to say what would have happened if we had very different incomes. I'd like to say we would still be close, but we'll never know.

Jealousy is a big thing: parents doing more for one child than the other, even if they mean well. One child has more money, so parents give more help to the others, that never goes down well.
Parents always around to babysit for one, but not the other.

Inheritance is one of the best way to split a family!

Familiarity breeds contempt

As kids we just kind of tolerated each other. I was the youngest of 3 and my brother picked on me relentlessly. We couldn't be left alone or we'd end up fighting. My sister treated me with a bit of disdain as I "always got away with everything" and didn't "play" with me.

As adults we get on pretty well. No fights or arguments. I wouldn't say we were exceptionally close but we have a good relationship and always enjoy spending time together.
We all have very different personalities but live by the same moral code if that makes sense.

My DH has very limited contact with his brother.

It's been a difficulty dynamic all their lives. The brother is the golden child, DH the black sheep.

TBH DH didn't much care and the fall out in later years cane from his brother who simply can't get his head around how un-golden his life has turned out.

He seems very angry with DH because it was all meant to be so different.