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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DM is being deliberately selfish

57 replies

MalteserThief · 05/05/2017 21:20

Cut long story short, I'm having to stay with DM for a few months whilst I sort some financial stuff out, and prepare my new house.

I'm working, studying for a full time MA and try to see as many friends as I can squeeze in. I'm bloody exhausted, I'm managing 4/5
Hours sleep night max. However, every time I get some sleep, 'DM' bloody tries her hardest to wake me like I'm a lazy teenager (I'm 28)

Just this afternoon I was napping and she was banging around the house, hoovering, and then even sent the dog in to wake me up saying "go and see if you can wake MaltesterThief"

She is retired, so often around. I've asked her to be quiet and she gets defensive but sometime it's like she's deliberately ruining any precious sleep I have. If she's up at 5, I'm up at 5. I'm going to go mad. AIBU to think she should try to keep quiet when I'm asleep even if it's her own house?

OP posts:
wheresthel1ght · 05/05/2017 21:38

It is her house, she doesn't have to let you stay. I would try being grateful.

From your post you are treating it like a hotel so may enjoy she is passed off at your lack of respectful her home?

ImperialBlether · 05/05/2017 21:42

Oh come on! The OP doesn't want to necessarily follow the same hours that her mum is, particularly if her mum's getting up really early.

When she's in her room she should be left alone.

Redsrule · 05/05/2017 21:44

So you, at 28, were having an afternoon nap whilst your elderly mother did housework, in the place you probably are living rent free. What a selfish moo, and I mean you. If you don't like it, move out and pay rent.

gandalfspants · 05/05/2017 21:44

Try to move out with all haste.

If you've told her you're stretched thin and not getting much sleep and she's sending the dog in to wake you I'd assume she wants you out.

FWIW I hate 'I'm up so everyone is up' people. FIL chats loudly to the dogs whatever time he gets up. We don't stay over there much any more.

BarbarianMum · 05/05/2017 21:45

Maybe see slightly fewer friends and try for 7 or 8 hours some nights? You're staying in her house, maybe she'd like to spend some time with you. I guess she's not doing this at 3am?

user1493759849 · 05/05/2017 21:46

Did I read it correct? You get an HOUR'S sleep a night OP?

That is impossible to maintain.

DreamilyLookingOutOfTheWindow · 05/05/2017 21:48

She is helping you out massively by you even being there, but she's passively aggressively reminding you not to get too comfortable.

I hate being woken up for no reason, I couldn't put up with this

Redsrule · 05/05/2017 21:48

Or maybe she is irritated you are sponging off her, and her limited pension, yet spending money on socialising.

Wineandcoffee · 05/05/2017 21:50

YANBU. I am old enough to be your mother and when my DC are home from uni, I leave them to it provided they contribute towards the running of the household in their waking hours. However as it's her house ultimately it's her rules.

Original poster
MalteserThief · 05/05/2017 21:50

@Redsrule she's not elderly she took early retirement

And I was providing hoovering as an example as to her clattering around deliberately Loudly. I don't live rent free either. She also clatters around when she's doing her own things unrelated to housework!

OP posts:
Siwdmae · 05/05/2017 21:52

Have you spoken her about this? Could you very nicely tell her you're off for a nap and could she please not let the dog up to disturb you? Is she deliberately trying to piss you off or is it just her thinking you don't really need a nap?

Butteredparsnip1ps · 05/05/2017 21:55

Have I understood correctly? You aren't getting much sleep because you are out socialising?

At 28, I would expect you to be more grown up about your sleep pattern.

Redsrule · 05/05/2017 21:57

Sorry, but when my DC are home for the weekend/holidays I carry on my normal routine. So, I take the dog for a walk at 5.15 before I get ready for work. On Saturday morning I get up and do chores because otherwise I lose my weekend. I adore and cherish my children but they either sleep through it or get up. As adults they are very welcome but they have to adapt to my routine not the other way. I did that until they left for university now they have to adapt.

Original poster
MalteserThief · 05/05/2017 21:58

I think I've phrased this post badly: I don't get much sleep mainly because I have work and studying to do, and What I meant is I'm trying to maintain a modicum of a social life as well

Not out partying all the time I wish

OP posts:
Lovewineandchocs · 05/05/2017 21:59

Or perhaps she's up late studying? Or works in the evenings? Could be a number of reasons why the OP is averaging so few hours of sleep.OP would earplugs or listening to audio books with headphones help?

cowbag1 · 05/05/2017 21:59

Stop socialising and get some sleep. I can see why she hasn't got much sympathy to be honest.

GooseFriend · 05/05/2017 22:02

Yeah the phrasing was bad and you're now going to get 800 posts of 'stop partying all night'

MadamePomfrey · 05/05/2017 22:03

Why not sleep at night and study in the day then she wouldn't be waking you up from naps! The waking up early would annoy me as I'm not an early but maybe you both need to compromise doing housework in the day is not unreasonable waking someone up at five (once your not a child) is

happypoobum · 05/05/2017 22:04

YABU

Go to bed earlier.

RedSkyAtNight · 05/05/2017 22:04

Presumably you can study when you want, so why not prioritise sleeping when your DM is asleep too, rather than trying to nap at hours when it would be unreasonable to expect others to tiptoe about?

Guepe · 05/05/2017 22:08

I have sympathy, OP.

If it's noise that she just happens to be making anyway, then that's tough luck on your part.

But some people seem to get very annoyed if someone else is sleeping at hours they think are antisocial because they unfairly think it's lazy. Based on DM sending he dog in to wake you, it seems that is what is happening here.

There was actually a thread a few months back where a mother posted, asking if she was being unreasonable getting annoyed with her DD who slept in late, so she kept trying to wake her up early. The reason the DD was sleeping in late was because she was often up late studying, but in the OP's head, sleeping in past 8pm was reprehensible. Everyone told her she was being unreasonable.

This thread is basically the reverse of that thread, but you're getting an entirely different answer.

category12 · 05/05/2017 22:10

If you're napping during the day, tough luck really. Organise your work & study time better and sleep at night.

Chicoletta · 05/05/2017 22:13

Isn't this just what mums do?! Mine always did.

WyfOfBathe · 05/05/2017 22:14

YANBU. I assume you do your share of housework at other times, there's no reason why you need to share the same schedule as your DM.

Birdsgottaf1y · 05/05/2017 22:16

Talk to her.

Is she the type of person that thinks sleeping during the day is bad? Personally I cannot stand those types, I've nearly always napped.

She shouldn't be sending the dog in to wake you up and you need to challenge her on that.

Luckily that it is only for a few months, because it sounds as though you are incompatible to live together.