Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DM is being deliberately selfish

57 replies

MalteserThief · 05/05/2017 21:20

Cut long story short, I'm having to stay with DM for a few months whilst I sort some financial stuff out, and prepare my new house.

I'm working, studying for a full time MA and try to see as many friends as I can squeeze in. I'm bloody exhausted, I'm managing 4/5
Hours sleep night max. However, every time I get some sleep, 'DM' bloody tries her hardest to wake me like I'm a lazy teenager (I'm 28)

Just this afternoon I was napping and she was banging around the house, hoovering, and then even sent the dog in to wake me up saying "go and see if you can wake MaltesterThief"

She is retired, so often around. I've asked her to be quiet and she gets defensive but sometime it's like she's deliberately ruining any precious sleep I have. If she's up at 5, I'm up at 5. I'm going to go mad. AIBU to think she should try to keep quiet when I'm asleep even if it's her own house?

OP posts:
LilyRose16 · 05/05/2017 22:18

You were napping? I'd kill for a nap...

User99573864 · 05/05/2017 22:18

Buy some ear plugs. It was their thing that got me through a share house!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 05/05/2017 22:20

Sounds like she is seeking your attention.
How about striking a bargain with her, if she keeps the noise down, you'll take her out for a light lunch, or for tea, give her what she's craving. She sounds more needy, than selfish.
You must be worn out OP. 💐

228agreenend · 05/05/2017 22:20

Maybe she is just a naturally, noisy, person.

supermoon100 · 05/05/2017 22:21

Go to bed early and don't nap in the day. You need to sort out your priorities.

Auspiciouspanda · 05/05/2017 22:23

There's a world of difference between being woken up by someone doing their normal routine and someone deliberately trying to wake you up because they deem sleeping past a certain time bad.

I used to live with my dad as a teenager before I went to uni, I worked at the local pizza place until 1 am most nights and my dad used to have a problem with me sleeping past 7am as that's when he left for work and would slam the front door purposely to wake me up.

I love him but loads of the ideas he had made no fucking sense.

PenguinOfDoom · 05/05/2017 22:24

Mil is like this. I've stayed at her house once in the whole time I've been with DH and she was up at 6am banging the Hoover against the door. When we first moved in together, she used to call at 7-8am on a Saturday, ostensibly to 'see how we were' but actually to get us out of bed.

I'm not sure there's much you can do apart from move out, unfortunately, but yes, that would irritate the living shit out of me too.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 05/05/2017 22:25

There's nothing wrong in principle with a brief nap in the afternoon! If not annoys your mum you should stop doing it where she can see you.

How does your mum know you are napping? Don't you just go into your room 'for some studying'?

Are you a full-time student doing some work on the side? I'm a bit confused by "I'm working, studying for a full time MA".

Are you doing your share of the housework?

C8H10N4O2 · 05/05/2017 22:26

elderly mother

Elderly?

Possibly if DM was in her 50s when she gave birth. Even if she were 40 she would be 68 and flower child generation.

OP its not realistic to expect DM to be quiet during day or changer her pattern but its reasonable to be left to get yourself up in the morning and not be woken at 5.00 just because DM is awake. Ultimately though if its not working you need to find somewhere else which may cost more. Why does she wake you in the early morning?

LadyOfTheCanyon · 05/05/2017 22:26

Or you could go and stay in a hotel/b&b. If you're paying rent/ bills then it probably works out roughly the same and you can do what you want, right?

Just align your hours to hers so you're asleep at the same time. You'll have to curtail your socialising probably, but start napping in the afternoon at 28 and you're on a slippery slope imo

Auspiciouspanda · 05/05/2017 22:31

Lady I don't know where you live but it costs £357 per week to stay in the ibis budget it my city, there's no hotel/bnb in the U.K. that would 'work out the same' as paying rent to a landlord never mind your mother!

PenguinOfDoom · 05/05/2017 22:33

To be fair to the OP, there's nothing in her post to suggest that she's larging it till 3am every night or refusing to do housework.

Original poster
MalteserThief · 05/05/2017 22:33

@TheSnorkMaidenReturns

I work three sometimes four days a week and take on a full time MA because its the only way I can afford the tuition on top of everything else. Just means I don't get much rest.

I do my share of the housework and I pay rent/bills, fair enough not loads but I pay what I'm asked to and contribute things to the house such as toiletries, and buy my own food.

DM sounds like those mentioned upthread, its definitely deliberate sometimes, and she too bangs the hoover on the door when I'm sleeping, as well as shouting, slamming doors etc.

OP posts:
Redsrule · 05/05/2017 22:34

When you get to 28 you have choices, if you don't like living with your DM move out.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 05/05/2017 22:39

Panda

I was somewhat tongue in cheek on the basis that I'm sure the OP is aware she's on a good thing with her DM but if it's really that awful there are other alternatives.

cordeliavorkosigan · 05/05/2017 22:40

You have to either talk her out of this or move out. I couldn't live like that either. What would happen if you took the direct approach? The passive aggressive thing would drive me up the wall.

Batghee · 05/05/2017 22:44

YANBU i would never dream of waking other people in my house up simply because i was up. Especially not if they were actually paying to be there and were asleep in their own room!
I mean i wouldnt tiptoe around whispering all day or anything but i certainly wouldnt hoover near their door or send the dog in to wake them up thats mad!

Whisky2014 · 05/05/2017 22:46

Lol at squeezing in friends visiting and napping in the afternoon.
Ahahaha
Ahahaha hahaha
Some people are fucking hilarious!

BettyBackchat · 05/05/2017 23:02

I have dds around OPs age and if they were here working and studying and helping out around the house I'd foster a nice relaxed relationship - and that would include letting them make their own decisions about when they needed to sleep.
When I'm up and about but I know there are folks sleeping (DH, DDs MIL, guests, I keep noise to a reasonable minimum.

However, I do know plenty of people of my own generation who find it scandalous to be abed after 6am or nap in the afternoon.
It's a mystery to me, but I manage to hold down a job and brought up babies - which has taught me to sleep when I can.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 05/05/2017 23:03

YABU
Afternoon naps are not taken during anti-social hours (11pm -7am) and therefor your mother has absolute right to do as she please in her own home.
You are there as a guest. Abide by the house rules or find somewhere else!

LaContessaDiPlump · 05/05/2017 23:09

My mother used to do things like this if I visited her - she retired very early and was alone a lot of the time. She'd wander into the room at 7am and ask meif I'd seen an entirely nonessential thing. It was because she was lonely and desperate for company I think, but I still wanted her to fucking stop doing it!

This could be your mother's weird way of showing that she wants your company (in contrast to all the other posters here who say she wants you to fuck off).....

Frankly I think the only way you can stop it happening is to leave, or at least say you're considering it. If she's truly happy to have you there then maybe she'll adjust her behaviour; if not she'll pack your bags for you and then you'll know Grin

JustAnotherYellowBelly · 05/05/2017 23:18

I love the fact that someone who pays rent is considered a guest...

Guepe · 05/05/2017 23:19

Here's the other recent thread I was thinking of www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2783021-aibu-to-make-dd-get-up?pg=1&order=

Seems like the same issue but the opposite consensus.

(Although again, if it's noise she'd be making anyway, then YABU, but it sounds like she's deliberately waking you up for some reason, in which case YANBU)

tireddotcom72 · 05/05/2017 23:26

Were you a child that woke up at 5am everyday then hit adolescence and went to the opposite end of spectrum? It could be revenge waking? She had years of deprived sleep now it's your turn!

My mum always woke us up at silly o clock no matter what time we got home lie ins were banned in our house.

BettyBackchat · 05/05/2017 23:26

I love the fact that someone who pays rent is considered a guest...

Good point.