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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say fuck it lets have number three

69 replies

Ps4widow · 05/05/2017 20:56

Am 25 have two dc ages 4 and 1. My dd starts school in August. Iam a sahm but plan to return to work after my ds starts school in a few years.
So i have only worked a few years in my adult life.
My ds was born unwell and we have only come out of the other end of it and he us a normal healthy 1 year old .
I need a op which means after it i wont be alble to have more kids.
I can life without it for a few years but after that i really would need it .
Iam not ready yet to close the door on no more kids but i need to op.
Iam starting to think that we might be better just ttc as i know we want number 3 just not this soon . Money wise we would struggle abit but when i start working it will be fine and also ive spend more time not working then working which isnt good.
I dont know what to do

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 05/05/2017 21:02

Presumably when you start working you will have 3lots of childcare costs to find? This could really add up especially in the holidays.

ZilphasHatpin · 05/05/2017 21:05

also ive spend more time not working then working which isnt good.

How will this be improved by having another child? (Hint: it won't)

amyyyyy · 05/05/2017 21:06

YABU. The planet is over populated.

ecuse · 05/05/2017 21:07

It sounds like your saying 'the timing isn't what I'd choose, but it's better than not having a third at all. It will be hard, but we'll cope'. In which case I'd go for it.

If you're not sure you actually could cope, or think the coping might make you more unhappy than missing the chance to have another child - think twice.

I wouldn't overly worry about the job. You're much younger than many mums, if you had one next year you'd only be 31 when your youngest started school. Loads of time to pick up a career just at the time when lots of women are temporarily stepping out of the labour market.

Claireshh · 05/05/2017 21:18

Definitely go for it.

I have two children (8 and almost 6) and turn 41 next Friday. I MASSIVELY regret not having a third. We did try but had two miscarriages and then my Dad died. I decided I couldn't cope with any more loss and got a dog instead. I am soooo tempted to try for a third again..... x

Original poster
Ps4widow · 05/05/2017 21:28

The timing is crap but i know i cant wait for my op but i know i will regert not haveing a third. We would cope

OP posts:
GlitterGlue · 05/05/2017 21:31

Presumably you realise that you won't get any tax credits for number three? If money is tight that's something to think about.

Whatever you decide to do it might make sense to start thinking about your future employability. At 28/29 with minimal work history you will struggle.

Original poster
Ps4widow · 05/05/2017 21:33

We don't get tax credits with the two we have

OP posts:
user1489179512 · 05/05/2017 21:34

Poor planet.

justkeepswimmingg · 05/05/2017 21:34

I'd say go for it OP. I don't know why you need your operation, but say the situation changes and you need it sooner? You may then have missed the chance to have your third. Don't worry about work, you have plenty of time to figure that out, especially if you don't plan on returning to work until baby no3 goes to school.

Fruitcorner123 · 05/05/2017 21:37

You say you can wait a little while for your op. Couldn't you give it a year or two?

Crumbs1 · 05/05/2017 21:43

I never regretted an extra baby.

birdspooping · 05/05/2017 21:52

I don't have children so would naturally veer away from having children willy nilly. But in your case, go for it!

Am flabbergasted that your post has ignited some 'poor overpopulated world' responses - it's not like you have five and can't provide for them, in which case they'd have a point. Enjoy your life and have the third while you can. Good luck!

dayswithaY · 05/05/2017 21:52

You won't regret having another baby but be aware that 3 is bloody hard work, for a long time. And expensive. Plus the world only provides for families of four - holiday accommodation, cars even multipacks come in even numbers I've noticed!

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 05/05/2017 21:56

I'd say that if you can't afford another one, be happy with the two you have. I felt like I wanted a third soon after my second was born but it was more because I couldn't accept that I'd never do it again. That feeling passed as every year went on, now I wonder how I'd find the time to give to another one.

Ragwort · 05/05/2017 21:56

Why is having three children so important to you?

I can't give you advice, having one child is enough for me, I can't imagine having children at your age - I just wonder why you are so keen to have another child; you are young, you have two children already and you have your whole future ahead of you. Think carefully. How sure are you that you will find work that will enable you to comfortably support three children?

Original poster
Ps4widow · 05/05/2017 22:01

I could give it a year or two but that would mean more time not working.
Tbh i dont need to work dh earns a very good wage which has allowed me not to work while still getting a pension payed in to but i never set out to be a women that stays in the house i want to work for my children and dh

OP posts:
Figaro2017 · 05/05/2017 22:05

Does your husband want a third?

Turquoisa · 05/05/2017 22:10

Depends on why you need the operation, would another baby cause complications. Also broodiness does go away and we all want the best for our kids -do u have the resources to give them opportunities. Emotionally imagine worrying about 3 individuals. I was broody for a third but I started doing other things and it's gone away-being a stay at home parent makes you forget that there is a whole life worth living.kids grow up and it's important to keep a bit of ourselves

Scholes34 · 05/05/2017 22:11

Sounds like you'd like a third,would welcome a third, would love a third, so go for it. As for the overpopulated world argument, I've tons of friends who don't have children. You can have their quota for them and your DC can contribute towards their pension and looking after them in their old age.

BarbarianMum · 05/05/2017 22:12

Do you have life and heath insurance for yourself and your dh? Do you have some savings to tide you all over a period of redundancy? Could you manage if your dh left, or you wanted to leave him? These are all things that needed to be considered before baby no. 3 tbh.

Biscusting · 05/05/2017 22:13

For me I'd say the biggest issues are 1) can I afford to live the lifestyle I want for me and my family and 2) Can I cope mentally and physically with a third baby.

I'm having a similar dilemma. I feel that three would complete our family but don't know if it's financially the right choice and if I'd cope as DH works away often and I'd be handling it in my own mostly.

It's looking like two is enough for us. I also want my life back!!

BarbarianMum · 05/05/2017 22:14

World population is increasing by 80 million pa Scholes. There is no quota. And western children consume far more than their fair "share" of existing resources as it is.

Scholes34 · 05/05/2017 22:16

Stand by what I say. Our demands on natural resources is minimal compared to smaller families.

BarbarianMum · 05/05/2017 22:17

Que?