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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If I tell my friends ds off for hurting my son?

71 replies

Lottie991 · 05/05/2017 18:28

So we were walking home and my friends son who has suspected ADHD started hitting my son he is younger than my son by a year and a bit, My son isn't very boisturous so he wouldn't retaliate, my friend was there and I was waiting for her to tell him off to remove her son but she didnt he continued to jab my son in the privates as we were walking along and then slapped him across the face REALLY hard, my friend finally said stop but that was about it she walked off and her son came back up and tried to hit my son again to which I had, had enough and said firmly Stop! He then walked off and started hitting some other children again, my friend pretty much ignored his behaviour and I was left feeling pretty pissed off, I don't see it as my place to tell off someone else's kid when they are there and so expected her to do it, he said to my son he's going to get him back tomorrow, If on the way home he does it again and I intervene if she doesn't am I wrong? I don't know what to do? What would you do?

OP posts:

Original poster

Lottie991 · 05/05/2017 22:52

I even know of an 8 year old who hit a teacher, He was back in school the next day as normal, I actually feel really sorry for the teachers also and even more sorry for the secondary school teachers once those kids get bigger and hormones start flying about everywhere.

OP posts:

FrancisCrawford · 05/05/2017 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 22:57

FrancisCrawford, I thought me and you were friends?

I just think some force and prevention needs to be present to ensure that the child is supported with the proper education.

There are many children that perhaps don't understand a particular subject to the standard for their age, that are sat with children who behave inappropriately?

Winterflower84 · 05/05/2017 23:03

Why are you even hesitating? Of course it's your place to tell the child off if his parent is there but not acting. I wouldn't even wait for a second before I stopped anyone hurting my DD.

Willow2017 · 05/05/2017 23:06

Phyllis
Get over yourself I havent seen you write that anywhere. You see the world in 'black and white' because of your naive belief that a child of 7 will be spoken to by the police and that will teach him not to hit again. That you believe that the parent can just ask for the kid to go to a specialised school and it will happen!

You have no clue. Dealing with adults is completely different to working with kids with sen.

Spikeyball · 05/05/2017 23:06

The only new special schools that I know off are independent specialist schools where the placements are very expensive and local authorities are very reluctant to agree to them.

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 23:09

Willow2017, I have told quite a number of users that they only see in black & white.

Personally, I believe it's best to report it, get the incident documented and down, then try to place that child in a specialist school. That is just my opinion.

Willow2017 · 05/05/2017 23:11

There are many children that perhaps don't understand a particular subject to the standard for their age, that are sat with children who behave inappropriately?

WTF does that even mean?

Kids with sen are in standard schools, disrupting lessons, attacking pupils and staff regularly. Schools are not allowed to discriminate against kids with sen until it has been proven again and again that they are not being supported adequately or are deemed too violent. And believe me it takes a LOT of violence sometimes to have a child removed from school.

I know several school kids who are violent, one who has 1:1 shadowing to stop them attacking other kids or adults, who do not have playground time at the same time as the others. It is NOT unusual and its not going to change anytime soon.

Willow2017 · 05/05/2017 23:12

Sorry to burst your bubble Phyllis but I dont hang on your every word.

ScarlettFreestone · 05/05/2017 23:15

After a very unpleasant incident with a family member when my DC were only two which left me feeling guilty for weeks my first priority is always to protect my child.

I give the other parent about 30 seconds to deal with it and then step in. I have no problem disciplining someone else's child if they are unable to.

My DH is occasionally embarrassed by this but no one has ever complained to me about it.

I would give your friend one more chance and if it reoccurs I would explain why we were no longer prepared to walk home with them.

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 23:17

I think teachers of standard schools need to be trained in challenging behaviour, or children need to be identified to go to specialist schools where they can be looked after appropriately. That is my personal opinion.

Spikeyball · 05/05/2017 23:25

The problem here was that the boy's parent did not step in as soon as he started doing it. The sn is not really the issue.

SynysterGates · 05/05/2017 23:27

PhyllisNights where are these schools?

PhyllisNights · 05/05/2017 23:30

@SynysterGates, my friends from Uni who have stepped into education have said there are more specialists schools than before.

If there are not more specialists schools, perhaps we need to campaign?

Willow2017 · 05/05/2017 23:35

Phyllis
You can have all the opinions you want but there are NOT ENOUGH specialist schools anywhere.

Teachers have enough to do teaching a classroom full of kids, they do not have the time to be 1:1 with sen kids too. Really you expect them to be chasing them around the classroom to try to get them to sit down, stopping them wrecking the classroom, following them out of the classroom to stop them doing something somewhere else while teaching 20 other kids?

Many kids with sen do very well in mainstream school but not all of them can, not all of them will, ever. But its not the teachers fault. They have enough time spent out of school hours doing training (including challenging behaviours) preparing, marking, parents evenings etc without having to train in indepth sen too.

Willow2017 · 05/05/2017 23:52

If there are not more specialists schools, perhaps we need to campaign?

Are you for real?

How on earth did all the parents with SEN manage all these years without you?
Do you not think that they have been campaigning to get more help, more schools for their kids in their local area/nationaly for years?

Parents can wait years for a place in a special school, often there are no places in the whole area and kids have to travel an hour or more each day to get to a school.

You stumble onto something that has never crossed your mind before and decide that you will lead the charge to change it? Put your hand up and see where you are about.

PhyllisNights · 06/05/2017 00:17

Willow2017, are you a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer's fictional sister? Perhaps not such a point to be negative about me, but to embrace me as someone who could help.

KindDogsTail · 06/05/2017 00:22

What Taylor22 said.
And you should inform her that unless he stops assaulting your son then you have a duty to protect your child and as a result you will no longer force your child to be around hers.

Willow2017 · 06/05/2017 00:33

Willow2017, are you a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer's fictional sister? Perhaps not such a point to be negative about me, but to embrace me as someone who could help.

WTAF?

Buffys sister was 'The Key', big Buffy fan here.

So you see yourself as a mystical being with the power to open the gates into other dimensions .....okkkaaaayyyy

Could you be any more up yourself?

Willow2017 · 06/05/2017 01:33

Btw Dawn wasn't sent to help anyone 'it' was hidden away as a human to prevent 'it' being used by Glory or be destroyed by the Knights of Byzantium.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 06/05/2017 12:24

OP, YANBU. I have sometimes had to step in to protect my dc (and others) when the offending child's parent is gazing benignly on and doing nothing. It can be awkward but I'd rather have awkwardness than an injured child.

In response to some of the completely bizarre posts further down the thread, I'd like to help clear up a couple of things. I'm a long standing teacher and senco, and can assure you that there hasn't been some huge investment in special schools in recent years - quite the opposite in fact. In my LA, there are only 2 special schools. One is for very severe cases cases and one less so. Neither is for children with extremely violent behaviours. There is 1 pupil referral unit for children who have been excluded multiple times. I know of a child who attended the pru for 1 hour a day. This was all the schooling they could cope with.

I have worked with many many children who struggle to cope in mainstream. We are a primary school. They are still nowhere near the threshold for a special school though. Even if they are, we have to fight for a place. They are scarce.

Of course teachers are trained in dealing with extreme poor behaviour. We still have 29 other children though. TAs are being made redundant left, right and centre. Education is facing a funding crisis.

If you're so worried Phyllis, start campaigning against cuts to education. You come across as very badly informed, but perhaps you are doing it deliberately to wind people up

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