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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I tell my friends ds off for hurting my son?

71 replies

Lottie991 · 05/05/2017 18:28

So we were walking home and my friends son who has suspected ADHD started hitting my son he is younger than my son by a year and a bit, My son isn't very boisturous so he wouldn't retaliate, my friend was there and I was waiting for her to tell him off to remove her son but she didnt he continued to jab my son in the privates as we were walking along and then slapped him across the face REALLY hard, my friend finally said stop but that was about it she walked off and her son came back up and tried to hit my son again to which I had, had enough and said firmly Stop! He then walked off and started hitting some other children again, my friend pretty much ignored his behaviour and I was left feeling pretty pissed off, I don't see it as my place to tell off someone else's kid when they are there and so expected her to do it, he said to my son he's going to get him back tomorrow, If on the way home he does it again and I intervene if she doesn't am I wrong? I don't know what to do? What would you do?

OP posts:
ClarettaHarperBennett · 05/05/2017 18:30

Hi. Call the police. This is assault.

Claretta Harper-Bennett

Empireoftheclouds · 05/05/2017 18:33

Speak to your friend?

Lottapianos · 05/05/2017 18:33

She should have stepped in and dealt with her son but since she didn't, you were absolutely right to intervene. What were you supposed to do, just stand there while your son gets hurt? Not surprised at all that you were pissed off

PurpleMinionMummy · 05/05/2017 18:43

Yanbu. Don't wait next time, just step in after the first incident if his mum won't stop him and also tell school what he said tomorrow so they can keep an eye on them.

AuditAngel · 05/05/2017 18:47

I have found that some parents who have children with poor behaviour (for whatever reason) develop a higher tolerance than I have. As such, I would intervene if my child is being hit, even if the mother is there.

Your friend didn't deal with it, so you will have to.

Original poster
Lottie991 · 05/05/2017 18:56

I can't really do that Claretta they are primary school aged children.

Empireoftheclouds I dont really feel I can speak to her as I think it would just end up in arguing, She told me before how she hates it when people come up to her and tell her that her son has hurt them, And as she was present when this happened I don't know how I would word it?

I have just realised it is Friday today so won't have to confront it until Monday so feel a bit better, My son said they don't have play times together luckily so if it did happen it would only be in front of me as I always collect him from school.
Thank you all for the replies :)

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 05/05/2017 18:56

What AuditAngel said ^^

You will know to intervene earlier next time because you already know she won't!

Taylor22 · 05/05/2017 19:11

And what about how your son feels?
You don't want to upset her but how upset is e when he's repeatedly physically assaulted?
Does he want to be exposed to this violence? Have you asked him how he feels about this child?
TBH I think you have to bring it up to her.
And you should inform her that unless he stops assaulting your son then you have a duty to protect your child and as a result you will no longer force your child to be around hers.

StewieGMum · 05/05/2017 19:19

You can raise the issue with school. Tell them what happened and then the threat. They will have policies in place for these kinds of incidents.

Willow2017 · 05/05/2017 19:19

You need to stop him at the first hint that he is going to do it. Why did you let him continue hitting your son? I don't give a stuff who's kid it is if they attack my kids they would be told to stop mum or no mum.

And I would have spoken to him about hitting the other kids too. Why should they suffer cos she cant be bothered to parent her own son?

It doesn't matter if he had medical problems that doesnt give her the right to shrug it off as of if no consequence. He is never going to learn if she doesn't even attempt to teach him hitting is not acceptable.

I would tell her each and every time stop your child hitting other kids he is your responsibility not anyone else's. Is she struggling with the possibility that he is on the spectrum? Is she getting support.
Whatever happens she has to get used to the fact that he is her kid and her responsibility.

Original poster
Lottie991 · 05/05/2017 19:19

Of course I care about my son feelings taylor22 hence why I was pissed off about it, Which is when I asked him about whether he sees him whilst in school which as I said he said he doesn't see him playtimes so It will be only on walking home if he happens to play up again.
This is also the first time it has happened, Hence why I was getting advice on the situation at hand how best to deal with it. He's not scared of the child he sees him as annoying more than anything.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 05/05/2017 19:22

Insist she intervenes or keep your child away from him.
How old?

Original poster
Lottie991 · 05/05/2017 19:32

Willow I wish I had intervened earlier to be completely honest, I just expected her too as I would if my son was behaving like that, She is getting support yes, But I do feel like she tries to act like his behaviour isn't happening as she finds him very stressful.
The child in question is seven Wolfiefan.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/05/2017 19:45

Call the police.Hmm
Over a child hitting a child. I actually think that was a serious comment as well.
YWNBU. If his mother was not prepared to tell him. You have every right to. If she doesn't like her poppet being reprimanded by others. Tough!.
Maybe if someone else tells him. He might learn.

PeaFaceMcgee · 05/05/2017 19:49

You need to ask her to control him, stop him yourself or walk apart from them.

CoraPirbright · 05/05/2017 19:50

His mum might find his behaviour stressful but I think you have every right to intervene - your ds has a right not to be hit! Also, this boy has suspected ADHD but that doesn't mean he doesn't understand right and wrong and his mum isn't doing him any favours by not intervening herself. I do feel sorry for her though - she sounds utterly ground down by it.

Wolfiefan · 05/05/2017 19:53

I would have your hold walk with you. Cross the road if there's any trouble.
Sounds like your friend is struggling and so choosing not to intervene if she can avoid it. You have to keep your child safe.

Boiing · 05/05/2017 20:00

Sounds like the boy doesn't have ADHD, just a complete lack of discipline.

Up to you whether or not to raise it with her, it is v awkward, I've had a similar conversation and the grudge on her side took a long time to fade!

BUT and this is the important thing, Yabvvvvu to ask your son to walk home with that kid. Every blow hurts. Just walk home without the friend and her horrible son and if she asks why, say it works better for your son as he prefers not to be hit.

Empireoftheclouds · 05/05/2017 20:11

empireoftheclouds I dont really feel I can speak to her as I think it would just end up in arguing, She told me before how she hates it when people come up to her and tell her that her son has hurt them, And as she was present when this happened I don't know how I would word it

Word it like

'Did you just see that, please tell your child to stop'

TheMysteriousJackelope · 05/05/2017 20:17

Tell him off. This isn't about telling off someone else's child, it is about protecting your DS and showing him that he is worth more than being a punching bag.

I would also stop walking to and from school with this friend. See her away from the children instead.

EezerGoode · 05/05/2017 20:24

If I see a child hurting mine ,or about to.i step in immediately.i certainly don't wait for the parent to do it..then they dont play with mine for quite a while...did have this with a friends child..was soon nipped in the bud.its surprising,my friend says,how her son is so well behaved when playing with mine.....no it's not.i have high standards of behaviour,I won't tolerate anyone hurting my child...

Original poster
Lottie991 · 05/05/2017 21:16

We don't walk together every day and its only home from school if we do but I think I'll just distance myself a bit from her, Still quite annoyed about the whole situation, Wish I would have just nipped it in the bud
:(

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 05/05/2017 21:22

Damned if I'd hang around watching whilst someone hurt my child repeatedly. Next time step in at the first hint of trouble and encourage your ds to speak up too. And if he tries slapping your son really hard again you can say a bit more than "stop" too. And if it keeps happening then stop seeing you friend with your son in tow. Poor kid.

pickleypockley · 05/05/2017 21:25

Sounds like the boy doesn't have ADHD, just a complete lack of discipline.
This was my thought Hmm

Floggingmolly · 05/05/2017 21:29

How old are the children? She hates it when people tell her her son has hurt their children?? Tough shit...