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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some people live in too big houses?

604 replies

URSick · 05/05/2017 11:42

Lots of people live in (in my opinion) already big houses yet they want to move into even bigger ones.
I see so many families where all the children have their own bedrooms, bathrooms, big bedroom for the parents, guest room, study, living room, and yet they never seem to be satisfied and want to move into a bigger house. They all want playroom for the children. What's the point, when they could easily play in their bedrooms or the living room? There are houses where everybody has their own level, plus bathrooms on the landings, more toilets than family members, and yet they want Buckingham palace. It's good to have enough space and not be in each other's pockets but am I the only one who thinks these people are greedy and unreasonable? You don't need to live in a mansion to be a happy family.
Not to mention those houses where entire rooms are never used, lots of space is taken up by massive stairs and there are parts of the house that are just walkways.
What's your take on it?

OP posts:
Ojoj1974 · 05/05/2017 23:22

I live in what some might describe
as a mansion and I love. I'm not even going to bother justifying it....Grin

msbojo · 06/05/2017 00:11

I'm in despair at this thread.

To me it is just about how consumerism has taken over. People are talking about how they need extra space to escape from all the plastic crap they have bought for their children. How about ditching the plastic crap and engaging with their children instead.

Someone upthread mentioned how they had to clear out their parents house and how it affected them - this happened to me to and made me realise that what really matters is the time we spend with people and the love we give them.

Do we really all want to work hard so that we can spend our lives in seperate rooms from each other?

I agree that large families living in tiny houses is not easy - my father grew up in a 2 bedroom house with 7 siblings. But there needs to be a sense of moderation.

Lovemygirls2015 · 06/05/2017 00:18

Yanbu. My brother and sister in law with one child recently moved from a lovely 2 bedroom house to a 4 bedroom detached house with bathroom, toilet and ensuite and garage. It's about 3 times the size of their lovely cozy house and this is just a show home. It's a status symbol so they can show how well off they are. Nobody visits them. They all come to mine, a 3 bedroom with 5 people that's lived in and cramped but it's a home not a house.

OhTheRoses · 06/05/2017 00:19

Depends what you are used to I suppose Bojo. We have six beds, big hall, bathrooms, drawing room, dining room, sitting room, kitchen, living area (which is informal dining area and garden/sitting room, utility and side entrance with boot room.

IMO it is a large(ish) house. Certainly not a mansion.

SabineUndine · 06/05/2017 00:19

With all the things there are to worry about in the world right now, I really have got time for this one. 🍪

msbojo · 06/05/2017 00:30

Unfortunately sabine this is what some people have got an awful lot of time to worry about.

Maybe if they spent less time worrying about how they were going to afford that extra playroom they would have time to think about how using their wealth to benefit the whole of society would ultimately benefit them too.

Or maybe instead the should contribute to building a wall/ a few more fences around them to keep people out (apart from nurses/ paramedics/ cleaners/ waiters in restaurants/ police officers/ etc etc)

OhTheRoses · 06/05/2017 00:33

msbojo we have seriously never had to worry about affording our home. We put back a huge amount for the greater good.

msbojo · 06/05/2017 00:37

"There is no such thing as society ........... It is our duty to look after ourselves and then our neighbours".

Plus ca change

Andrewofgg · 06/05/2017 00:50

Crumbs1 You don't have too many rooms, not even technically - you have more than you could get by with. Good luck to you. It's like saying someone has too big a lounge or car or takes too good a holiday. Just envy.

OhSoggyBiscuit · 06/05/2017 01:23

I have a great idea! Stop worrying about other people and what they have that you don't and focus on yourself. It'll make you much happier.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 06/05/2017 01:27

Bluntness, I think we're at cross purposes here. Personally I do not set out to antagonise others in my lifestyle choices. For example, my husband bought a very flash car for his 40th birthday (mid-life crisis) and I felt like a total dick in it. It was just so ostentatious and embarrassing. Like all shiny things, the lustre wore off and it became a source of worry rather than pleasure and my husband no longer got a buzz driving it, therefore it was sold on to the next mid-lifer at some loss.

Even siblings compete, as I said, parents and children are likely to be the only people genuinely pleased that you're so successful you can afford a big house. You take this to be people pleasing behaviour and wonder why I should care what "randoms" think, but I assure you it is simply a matter of passing through life in the most uncomplicated way. I do not seek to attract unnecessary animosity towards myself or my family. In a nutshell, I do not need the trappings of success to make me feel worthwhile, in fact when people gush (and occasionally this happens) I find it toe curling. In life I try to blend. I do not need to be the best, it's not important to me.

24HourTrainer · 06/05/2017 04:43

I wouldn't want a house with 7 bathrooms. 6 is plenty!

TeaForever · 06/05/2017 05:52

I agree msbojo far too many people in this country, and the western world in general, have been seduced by the spirit of mammon. It's very sad indeed Sad

Ecureuil · 06/05/2017 06:20

How about ditching the plastic crap and engaging with their children instead

Seriously, I can do both! My children have toys. Not plastic tat, but well thought out toys that they enjoy playing with. I don't want those toys in my living space. I don't shut them away to play, but it means there's a place for their toys to go in the evenings when they're in bed.
I also engage with them. I'm a SAHM. We go on day trips, nature walks, holidays, weekends away, play in the garden for hours, visit friends.... I still like a playroom.
And we don't sacrifice anything for it, or worry about how we're going to pay for it. And I volunteer for a charity. And make regular donations.
It's possible to engage with your children, be a good citizen and have 5 bedrooms and a playroom.

brexitstolemyfuture · 06/05/2017 06:24

Good post msbojo, but have you ever seen the birthday present or mother's day threads here? Bonkers.

Shockers · 06/05/2017 06:29

I'd rather have a smaller house in a larger garden. A lot of gardens are being covered by huge driveways and extensions round here.

Bluntness100 · 06/05/2017 06:38

What a bizarre thread. I very much doubt anyone living in a small house under crammed conditions where the kids share a room are doing so because they feel it's the ethical thing to do and have a social consciounce and are instead using their wealth, that they easily could have used to buy the much bigger house in the same location, to help the community.

And yet they feel anyone in a bigger house should be doing this.

And they wonder why everyone just thinks it's jealousy.

Blimey01 · 06/05/2017 06:41

I love it that some people are using this thread to describe how many rooms they have in their large houses Grin
An acquaintance moved from an already large house they loved because they wanted a double garage. Their wish has come true. They now have a double garage they don't use. It's all just a bit daft.
Some people see houses as status symbols and some people need them for practical reasons. I wouldn't let it get to you.

Blimey01 · 06/05/2017 06:42

For what it's worth Op I don't think you've started this thread out of jealousy

9unctured6icycle · 06/05/2017 06:51

When I moved in w DH he had lived on his own for years and was terrified of us being crammed in together w all our stuff and no room to breathe, so I was looking at two-up/two-downs and he was feeling claustrophobic. So now we are two adults w four beds/three baths. Its a bog-standard Edwardian terraced house w loft conversion, not a mansion. It never occurred to me that we're taking up too much space or that anyone else would even take any notice.

Years ago when I was single I used to walk my dog up this street and look longingly in the windows and wish I could have a house and a family life and then my dog and I would walk back to my little one-bed flat. And now I live in one of those houses w my beloved and am as happy as a clam.

allegretto · 06/05/2017 06:59

I think you have got a point OP. In my parents village most houses used to be normal size or small cottages -meaning there was a good mix of people living there. Over the last few decades the only houses built (sometimes by knocking down small cottages) are huge McMansions - 7 bedroom, 6 bathrooms etc. People do buy them as status symbols (often couples, sometimes families but rarely large families!) and they change the whole character of the village and mean there are even fewer starter homes available (which is why I moved away).

LovelyBath77 · 06/05/2017 07:09

We have a flat, which I love. Never thought we'd stay here after children but the location is so good and although it is cosy the DC have their own space and it is fine.

Oddly, have had some comments about this being 'selfish' from some relatives. That we chose to stay in the city centre and for the DCs. the same relatives who are paying vast sums for a huge house on the outskirts of town- renting which is so high cost these days. On a 'gated complex'. It can be like a show off thing I think, the huge house. it can become a problem if people are working themselves into the ground for it, to be a kid of status thing.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 06/05/2017 07:59

and you also think that the Royal Family, the Duke of Westminster and so on are going to let all their private assets disappear in inheritance tax?

Oh god, are people honestly this uneducated? They don't have any amount of real personal wealth, they manage to do what most aristos and landed estates do in the country and tax plan efficiently into trust holdings. Tax planning is available to everyone who wants to use it - however going by your anti establishment tone, I doubt very much you would have the need.

I've a feeling that people will just not agree on people's perception of size or space. I'm less concerned that two of us are taking up a massive footprint by living in a large house, because in the grander scheme of things it doesn't matter - we are surrounded by our farm which is over 2,000 acres. No one complains about us taking up all that space though - because it's used to grow your food 🙄

JacquesHammer · 06/05/2017 08:09

How about ditching the plastic crap and engaging with their children instead

What a load of sanctimonious bollocks.

My DD has toys - we play together. She is currently creating a "hamster run" from all the boxes she can find. We work on in then leave it in the playroom at night so she doesn't have to pack away each night.

All this morally superior nonsense is just guff

DontBeASalmon · 06/05/2017 08:48

How about ditching the plastic crap and engaging with their children instead

It's funny but looking around, the kids who are the most spoilt and surrounded by plastic tats are not the wealthy ones but the ones living in the smaller houses.And I don't mean it feels they have more because the rooms are smaller!