To want MIL to stop saying I'm huge!

[Bebopaloula]

I'm 34 weeks pregnant. So far, I haven't been sensitive or overly emotional to too many things. I've had the odd sob sesh (for no particular reason!) but in general I think I've been pretty settled.
However, my MIL, in the last few weeks has made repeated comments on how big I am. These range from simple comments like "oh you're stretching again" which are fairly tame to "oh my god girl, you are massive" and "oooft - you're huge!" and the one that tipped me over the edge last night "i think it's going to be a 10lb baby".
I politely said to her that at my last scan 2 weeks ago, baby was only around 3 1/2 to 4 pounds to which she replied, "yeh well that was 2 weeks ago, let's see!".
I'm paranoid about what I'm eating now and worried that I'm not seeing what other people are seeing.
My DH keeps telling me I look great and I thought in general I hadn't gained too much weight across the rest of my body but I can't help thinking about it now

"I am pregnant whats your excuse?"

She's jealous! Just roll your eyes and move on.

Jealous?? Haha I've heard it all now. I'm sure most MILs with sons old enough to have kids certainly don't wish they were pregnant!

YANBU.

It would be normal to worry about labor and delivery so telling a mother to be that her baby is liable to weigh 10 lbs is actually flat out cruel. How the hell does she think that is going to feel coming out?

Either tell her that it is making you extremely worried, or give her a deadpan 'Yes, so you've said, many times' every single time, or tell her 'the doctor is happy with my weight, babies carry in different ways that can make the mother look larger than normal'. I imagine if your baby shifts positions and you suddenly shrink she'll point that out as well, nothing like trying to worry your nearest and dearest with useless, uninformed, medical opinion.

*WTF, Wando? Pregnant women need to gain a minimum of 7lb of body fat to facilitate breastfeeding (less than that risks low milk supply). There's also the additional weight of the placenta and boobs to consider. Don't come on here spouting your shite when you obviously haven't a clue.

Here's a helpful list for you:

Baby: 7.5 pounds
Placenta: 1.5 pounds
Amniotic fluid: 2 pounds
Uterine enlargement: 2 pounds
Maternal breast tissue: 2 pounds
Maternal blood volume: 4 pounds
Fluids in maternal tissue: 4 pounds
Maternal fat stores: 7 pounds*

Ehm, I'm sure the amount of safe weight gained by each woman, including all you have mentioned, is actually monitored by BMI.

I'm 38 weeks tomorrow and have gained a grand total of 13lbs my entire pregnancy, with a baby who is estimated at weighing about 9lbs just now.
Neither my GP, consultant or midwife are concerned.
I was actually very, very worried about my lack of weight gain as I never put any on until about 25 weeks and thought I had harmed my baby.

I don't know how to do the clicky link but here are two websites with the same recommended weight gain ranges bases on pre-pregnancy bmi.

www.madeformums.com/pregnancy/weight-gain-in-pregnancy

www.fitpregnancy.com/tools/bmi-calculator

I was slightly overweight before pregnancy, I won't lie, but I've still not put on the recommended weight. Please don't make sweeping statements about people either being too big or implying that x should be put on.

I think for a lot of people it's a weird way of complimenting you.
Same category as when they say your baby is chubby etc.

Agree with this. Doesn't mean it's okay of course, especially as it upsets you, but my mum would definitely mean this as a good thing.

sailor only pre-pregnancy BMI is considered. The figures I quoted are generally considered to be normal for average women for pregnancy weight gain. I did not say that all mothers must gain that amount of weight at any point, merely that it's the recommended 'average' amount. There will be outliers at either end of the spectrum - some people's boobs barely grow, others' become enormous for example. Similarly water weight-gain and size of placenta can vary hugely between individuals. I was merely emphasising that Wando's comment was incorrect and basically telling women that they should minimise weight gain, which is not only wrong but could cause harm to the baby.

I'm currently 26 weeks and have only gained a pound, so I'm hardly an exemplar, but I've had severe morning sickness. If I could gain the recommended amount I would, in order to be as healthy as possible for birth and breastfeeding, and I'm sure most pregnant women would feel the same rather than prioritising getting back into shape immediately after birth (I'm not suggesting that's why you've only gained 13lb, you've said you've struggled to gain weight and hopefully everything will be fine, best wishes for a healthy baby and birth).

AHedgehog my pre-pregnancy weight was classed as 'slightly' overweight (the pizza found me again after years of being good haha).

I know you didn't say anyone must gain a certain amount of weight but there seems to be an attitude where it is expected that mothers will gain a fair bit and that leads to a healthy baby, making mothers who haven't gained (or indeed lost weight) worry about the health of their babies.

I understand you weren't saying anything like that, but for those who do worry about weight gain I was pointing out that it is entirely subjective.

I don't know why my weight gain has been minimal, especially as my baby is estimated at being a heefer and therefore it seems like I've actually lost weight once I factor in water, placenta etc. It can be quite worrying but knowing there is no set amount and the medical staff are happy has kept me from over worrying.

I've also been at the other end of the scale and gained about 60lbs with DS. He was 10lb8oz but I still put on over 40lbs of fat alone because of the 'oh I'm pregnant, it's okay' mentality. Both the 'can't gain weight' and 'it's fine' can cause major problems for babies.

Again, I don't mean that you implied any of this, I just believe weight gain/loss and pregnancy is a very sensitive issue from both sides and sometimes people don't realise what is actually classed as 'healthy'.

YANBU.

Would you consider the Mumsnet favourite "Did you mean to be so rude?" or similar? Failing that, try bursting into tears.

This is what I want to say to you:

You are pregnant, you are de facto beautiful, my own DC are now all hulking or skinny teens and I would give almost anything to be back in that precious time of gestation again

You are making a baby and you are making memories - please don't let one deluded older possibly jealous woman make you feel less than as you are both perfect and blessed as you are.

Apologies if sounds a little cringey but please, just trust me on this one okay? And immense congratulations

It's frustrating being pregnant. The world and his wife feels it's ok to comment on a mum to be's appearance.

It think she's forgotten this and is trying to be positive and well meaning. Maybe just say to her, quietly, that someone else made some comments and it upset you and if it's ok maybe don't bring it up as you feel sensitive about it.
She'll no doubt say it's all part of being pregnant (which is true) but I don't suppose either of you really want to fall out over it.
Xx

My sister and I were pregnant after each other. In pre-baby life I'm 'bigger' - taller, curvier and heavier. Her bump was huge - the same at 6mths as mine full term. Our babies coincidentally weighed 2oz different when born at the same gestation. Hers being the lighter one. Size of bump is not an indicator of size of baby. More likely the amount of fluid and he baby's position! I measure small but my babies are average weight and height. Next time she says something just dismiss her. Don't let her put doubt in your mind. Your mw will say something if they are worried.

MIL called me fat this New Year's Eve.

We were having a party, DD was 5 months old and (nowdays I know...) that I was actually already pregnant again.

ALso, I was not fat (seriously, I wasn't overweight in any way) and probably looked a bit slimmer than usually, seeing as I had lost some shoulder muscles... SOmetimes people simply want to find something to criticise you for.

Anyhow. I don't think you YABU. Not at all. That sounds so rude. Your husband should back you up and tell her to shut up.

Op, if she mentions your weight/size again I would ask her why she feels the need to comment. Then I'd show her a picture of a woman who is as far gone as you (from one of those pregnancy sites/books) and show her that you are in fact normal and her comment is inane and irrelevant. If she carries on warn her you don't like it and it will be a long time before she sees you again.

When you're heavily pregnant the last thing you want is some stupid cow telling you you're big and making rude comments. She needs to STFU and I don't think you need to be too polite in telling her this.

I had the opposite of this with my mil, she constantly commented in the last months (ds born at 37 weeks) on how I'd no bump, she'd no idea where I was keeping the baby, he must be tiny, are the doctors sure everything is alright? Because it can't be with no bump!

I had a small bump alright, but ds was 7lbs 7 when he was born, not exactly miniscule! I just kept repeating that well the midwives and doctors were perfectly happy with the growth, everything was measuring as it should be in their professional medical opinions, and rolled my eyes a lot!

Urgh this reminds me of when I was pregnant, (first time,) and my SIL seemed feel the need to comment on how huge I was. (Regularly.)

One time when me and DH and her and DH's brother were out shopping, she even took it upon herself to point in a mirror in our indoor shopping centre and scream 'look at how HUGE you are; look look look!' Jumping up and down and going hysterical at what a monster I was.

I was 8 months pregnant and 12 stone. Not that big really.

I was cringing with embarrassment at how everyone was looking at me. Even though I was pregnant, and it was 'ok' to be 'big,' I still felt embarrassed and humiliated.

It's like when I was pregnant, several people seemed to think it was OK to comment on what I ate. 'You don't need to eat for two you know,' and 'you will never lose the baby weight.'

Cunts.

YANBU by the way OP.

Ask her to stop. If she doesn't then respond to every comment about your weight with a comment about her age eg her skin, hair, posture. I did this to an aunt of mine who eventually understood the problem.

OP if you aren't generally overweight and the bump is the main thing making you look "big" I would wonder if she is really just thoughtlessly commenting on that, rather than implying you are fat. A previous poster mentioned it being a sort of compliment along the lines of saying a bonny baby is one that is a big, chubby baby. Of course many people are always concerned about babies being obese nowadays but there is still a sort of feeling left over from years ago when food was more scarce that a big baby is the healthiest (and you must admit they look cute with their little chubby cheeks). If your MiL is a bit old fashioned (even if she's not very old) she might see it that way and think a 10lb baby would be a good thing.

Something along the lines of 'in a bit I will give birth and be smaller, but wil you still be as rude?'

I had this whilst pregnant with my dd and it really got to me, particularly when my dh's auntie became obsessive about the size of my bump and would spend every family event (and there were loads of them that summer) telling anyone who would listen that my bump was colossal, much bigger than her daughter-in-law's who was 7 weeks ahead of me, and that I was obviously going to have a 9-10lb baby minimum. She would always do it within ear shot as well. I was already worried about giving birth so her repeatedly talking about 10lb babies stressed me out no end, but it was also annoying that she seemed to think she knew more than myself and my midwife about my pregnancy. My bump was very big (a family trait) but I always measured bang on each week and at a scan at 30 weeks the sonographer estimated my dd would be 7-8lb at birth. I kept telling her baby was measuring bang on and my family naturally carry big but she wasn't haven't any of it and kept worrying me by saying that I was too big and that her dil was "much, much smaller" than me even though she was due two months before me. I took great glee in telling her after the birth that my dd was only 7lb 5oz at birth and asking about her dil whose baby had been a pound larger. Incidentally, she was really worried about a year ago about her grandchild because she was very big for her age and she didn't like people mentioning it. I did smile to myself.

I had arguments with random strangers about my first bump not containing twins, and when my due date was was. I remember having to insist that there really was 3 months left and that I really wasn't going to go into labour any time soon!

To be fair I was huge. I'm 5ft 2 and usually a size 8 so have no baby smuggling space. Even when I lost 3/4 stone in the first 4 months due to constant nausea, I was visibly gaining bump. I went up 5 cup sizes from a B to an F (then back again after stopping BFing). I then gained 50% of my bodyweight in the remaining 5 months exacerbated by SPD making me sedentary, but much of it was baby, fluid and water retention. There was only 1.5 stones out of 4.5 that was genuine "me" weight including my sudden new wonder bust.

Baby was 8lb 10 in the end, not huge but over 2 lb bigger than I had been. He had an abundance of fluid for swimming around in vigorously . The MW had to refer me for growth scans twice as the bump growth was well off the scale. When checked at 38 weeks and the fundus was 43 cm, she rolled her eyes and said it seemed to be my normal.

I couldn't drive in the last 3 weeks because I could no longer squeeze behind the steering wheel and get my short legs to reach the pedals.

Yet despite this most of my body remained reasonably small. From behind I didn't look pregnant as it was all out at the front, then people would be shocked as I turned around revealing bus-like proportions!

The physical changes of pregnancy can be hard to deal with. I found mine fascinating as they were pretty extreme. As she's making you feel uncomfortable then politely point it out to her. Unless she has form, it's more likely to be a misplaced over excitement than intended rudeness.