To want MIL to stop saying I'm huge!

[Bebopaloula]

I'm 34 weeks pregnant. So far, I haven't been sensitive or overly emotional to too many things. I've had the odd sob sesh (for no particular reason!) but in general I think I've been pretty settled.
However, my MIL, in the last few weeks has made repeated comments on how big I am. These range from simple comments like "oh you're stretching again" which are fairly tame to "oh my god girl, you are massive" and "oooft - you're huge!" and the one that tipped me over the edge last night "i think it's going to be a 10lb baby".
I politely said to her that at my last scan 2 weeks ago, baby was only around 3 1/2 to 4 pounds to which she replied, "yeh well that was 2 weeks ago, let's see!".
I'm paranoid about what I'm eating now and worried that I'm not seeing what other people are seeing.
My DH keeps telling me I look great and I thought in general I hadn't gained too much weight across the rest of my body but I can't help thinking about it now

Do you think she's genuinely being mean? If so, say something.

I was huge in both pregnancies and dd1 was 9lb 15. People commented on my size but I never took it as an insult.

Just smile and say the midwife is really happy with your pregnancy.

Unfortunately she is likely to continue after the baby, it may be commenting on his/ her hair or lack thereof, ears, shape of nose, who he looks like etc etc ad infinitum. There will be no end so you need to build up a bunch of stock phrases and replies and allow it to wash over you.

Or you could kill her .

i think you are being over sensitive to be honest

yeah since would be better, but she is excited about the growing baby in your tummy, she is not saying "you fat fucker"

I was HUgE when I was PG, so what? I was carrying a small human around

My really lovely aunt who would never dream of saying something hurtful saw me when I was overdue and said oh you're not big at all. Then she saw me sideways and gasped "oh my goodness"

That was accidental and I found it funny but it's hard to see how repeated statements like your MIL is making wouldn't be annoying or hurtful. Could you ask your DH to have a word? His mother, so he should sort it.

One of mine was 10lb, I was like a ship in full sail. I love those photos now. Maybe try to look on your bump as a positive, the baby is healthy and growing so the bump has to as well. If you are worried about having a big baby then try not to worry, my 10lb was a quick labour, the smallest of my 4 was the emergency c.section so you can't predict how these things go.

I hope you can relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, not long now.

My mother in law was exactly the same. But added in with that she also tried to lift my top up to check for stretch marks every time she saw me. She wouldn't believe me that I didn't have any "cos with the size I was I should have massive ones"

I seem to remember getting the rage with my dad at about the same gestation! My face betrayed me. My mum stepped in and told him how pissed off she used to get when people said similar to her when she was pregnant with me (and my sisters). Gawd bless my mum. People seem to think that pregnancy means they can say what they like without fear of recrimination because it's only a moment in time. It does become very wearing OP, all the 'ooooh, eating for two aren't you?!'

At least it wasn't your GP! My bump was ENORMOUS through the whole pregnancy, the rest of my body (apart from breasts which were also huge) seemed to gain no weight, I probably stayed a size 10. I couldn't get into my clothes before I'd even done a pregnancy test! Sent immediately for additional scans to check it wasn't more than one.
I thought it was quite funny really, I looked like a cartoon, with stick legs and this enormous bump, twice the size of anyone else in birthing classes. I couldn't blame anyone for commenting. When I saw my lovely GP at 41 weeks, she just stared at me in disbelief and said 'dear God, you haven't been buying any baby clothes smaller than 3 months have you, that baby is going to be a whopper! DS was born with no interventions, at 42 weeks,in less than 3 hours, and was 7lbs 3oz! 😀
Good luck Bebopalula, you will be fine!

I get where you're coming from but perhaps you should work on choosing to let comments like this go over your head.

I don't want to worry you but once you have the baby not just your MIL, everyone will have advice and comments to make.

Smile and nod, people just like to make conversation. I had a tiny bump (barely any water around baby, tiny baby, only made it to 35 weeks) and people still bollocksed on about my enormous bump blah blah blah...just ignore.

There's something about a visible pregnancy that makes some people think you're somehow public property for prodding, stroking and uninvited comments ^Some* people think you shouldn't take their remarks personally, as though you're somehow not a part of the whole process.

Maybe she's insensitive or maybe she's thoughtless. who knows. It depends on how you can approach her, but I'd be inclined to say 'Thanks for asking, everything's fine according to monitoring, but you know, I'd prefer no personal remarks like that' and fix her with a long, hard look.

I'm surprised you've only had your MIL say it, i'm also 34 weeks and seem to have had comments from everyone even though i'm measuring small. It's like no one has any idea what to say so that's the default, don't think people mean to offend.

Now i have the "how long have you got left?!" comments which are genuinely starting to wear me down, providing a constant countdown to everyone from my DC's after school club teachers to my best friend, who without fail tells me I've been pregnant forever like i don't fucking know that

I wouldn't cause a row over it, unless she comments on your weight after pregnancy.

I am sure she isn't trying to imply that you are huge, more that your bump is huge, but I completely agree that comments like that are not wanted, not needed and not appreciated. Pregnancy can be such an emotional time regarding body changes and if anyone feels the desperate need to comment on your body (as so many people seem to during pregnancy) then they should be limited to compliments only!

I am 29 weeks, so not as far along as you, but I have been told I look huge and tiny for this many weeks within the space of half an hour! My bump is measuring bang on and I'm reasonably fit and healthy, but even so it can be hard to ignore comments made by some people, even thought they may be well intended.

I have battled with my weight for years and lost nearly 4 stone to get down to a healthy weight through healthy eating and running. Needless to say since being pregnant I have put weight back on, partly through being lazy with food/exercise and partly because that's just the type of body make up I've got. To be told I look huge (whether bump or otherwise) was very difficult to begin with as I watched my body change, outgrew clothes etc, and people really shouldn't feel the urge to make comments. They wouldn't do so if you were actually just overweight!

I have refused to let these types of comments spoil such a special time for me and neither should you, I'm sure you look absolutely lovely

Also, I started a thread on Mumsnet about pregnancy weight gain when I was struggling with a particular lady at work who kept dropping unpleasant comments. One Mumsnetter advised me to smile and nod, while repeating 'oh just fuck off' silently in my head - works a treat in all sorts of situations!

YANBU OP mine did the same (even though I was never that big at all)

I told DH (at the Christmas when I was heavily pregnant and felt like a freak show) that if his mother mentioned anything about my size I would punch her. He must have had a quiet word because nothing was mentioned at all .

So my advice is tell her not to do it.

you also shouldn't be putting on any weight beyond baby's weight/extra blood & water volume

WTF, Wando? Pregnant women need to gain a minimum of 7lb of body fat to facilitate breastfeeding (less than that risks low milk supply). There's also the additional weight of the placenta and boobs to consider. Don't come on here spouting your shite when you obviously haven't a clue.

Here's a helpful list for you:

Baby: 7.5 pounds
Placenta: 1.5 pounds
Amniotic fluid: 2 pounds
Uterine enlargement: 2 pounds
Maternal breast tissue: 2 pounds
Maternal blood volume: 4 pounds
Fluids in maternal tissue: 4 pounds
Maternal fat stores: 7 pounds

I had to laugh at that too Hedgehog but I couldn't be arsed to do the maths, so thanks for that .

So with my 8.5 lb baby, I should have allowed 31 lbs. That's actually more than I thought it should be. Makes me feel better, as I put on at least 3 stone . I'll have to tell my mother and MIL that when they are yammering on about how they only ever put on the weight of the baby and why do people (me) use pregnancy as an excuse to get fat 🤣🤣

Smile sweetly and say that yes, but when you give birth, you will be slim again as it's just your body doing what it needs to do to support your baby whereas she will still be a fat? rude old mil

Or laugh gently at her and treat her like a toddler - oh you are funny, midwife says the baby is [doing just great, whatever weight or comment you want to add] and isn't big at all - sounds like it's time to get your eyes checked out!

There is nothing wrong with looking big or huge or whatever when pregnant even if someone did put on a bit more weight! You wouldn't want to keep a flat stomach during those few months, you want to grow a baby! Just say with a big smile: "yes, isn't it lovely". And picture them in a fat suit while you say it.

Next time just say I. Know I'm huge, I presume it's because I'm carrying your grandson who must already have a cock the size of his fathers!! That'll shut her up lol X

To someone that isn't pregnant you do look huge. I'm 34 weeks and resemble an egg with tiny arms. Actually I'm pretty average, but to people that don't see me everyday, I look massive because we all look massive at this stage. I get the sensitivity, I do, but she's not saying that you are massive, but that your bump is massive (compared to her image of what bumps look like - she won't have as much awareness of bump size as you.

Do we have the same MIL?!!

I usually use the MN faithful line... "Did you mean to be hurtful / rude then MIL?"

If it's PIL he's a bit thicker skinned so I advise him to go and have a good long look in the mirror before he starts passing judgement on anyone else. He accepts it in good humour though - it's a risky strategy.

Alternatively just get DH to tell her to wind her neck in. In fact, just get DH to sort it out. Now go and have a nice cup of tea and a piece of cake and put your feet up.

"Yes, MIL, this is generally how pregnancy works. I'd be more worried if my belly wasn't growing. Cake, anyone?"

I think you are being sensitive. If your bump is growing where's the harm in pointing it out?

Because it doesn't need to be pointed out! The OP is carrying the bump in question around with her 24/7 - it's not as though she hasn't noticed! It's as tiresome to deal with as the kind of dim-witted jocular 'Is there snow on top?' or 'A basketball team would love you!' thing that tall people, especially tall women, get. They have also noticed that they are tall. It's not something that will come as a surprise to them.