AIBU that he shouldn't eat these?

[NotForSale]

When I was pregnant 4 years ago I had hyperemesis where I couldn't eat and was sick for every waking moment.
I still have strong aversions to certain foods that must have come from association with that time as I only have to smell them and I am right back in the full horror of it. These include cooked eggs, baked beans, yoghurt, black pepper, vinegar, fried chicken.
My husband has a fondness for omelette and baked beans for breakfast rather than cereal like every one else in the house and it makes me heave so we stagger breakfast times although the smell lingers and the bean juice on his dirty plate or on the work surface and saucepan still make me gag. AIBU that he simply shouldn't eat these if it has such a strong impact on me? I don't respond like that out of choice!

YABU to expect him to stop eating all these. I eat food that would make my DH sick (litterally), and vice-versa. We still eat them, but all the cooking is done with open windows and close door which should be the way ALL THE COOKING should be made but don't get me started

HE is massively BU not to clean after himself full stop, but even worst when he knows that you can't stand the smell.

It's your home too, there should be a compromise, leaving you the mess is not one.

YABVU. You need to sort out your food issues, not impose them on everyone else.

I see where you're coming from, but...

Can he not have breakfast after you've finished, and then wash up his own plates and pans when he's having food you react badly to?

TbH, if someone in my household had a reaction like yours, I'd only have those foods when you weren't about, it would make them especially treat-like.

Do you think you may have PTSD? I'm wondering about that as what you are experiencing now sounds almost like a flashback, triggered by certain smells. You sound like you've have had a terrible time, it might be good to access some help to talk it through and deal with the overall experience.

Your DH should clean up after himself.

If I see one more post suggesting PTSD for something like this I will scream.

Does he leave the pan/plate for you to wash up?! I bloody hope he doesn't!

He should be allowed to eat what he likes in his home, just as you should - but he should ensure he is making it as easy on you as possible. Including washing everything up as soon as he's finished.

And it might be an idea for you to try a course of CBT to help you get past this.

Yabu, i feel really sick over the smell, look of some food mine eats. He doesn't have them everyday but i would never say he could never eat it again. I have to get used to it.
What happens when you're out? that's a long list.

Yes user

I sympathise - I don't like milk (makes me nauseous) and don't sit down to have breakfast with my husband & son if they are having cereal. and I immediately leave the room if there is hot milk / porridge going on anywhere. But everyone cleans up after themselves and if I do end up being near people drinking milk (it does happen) then I feel a bit nauseous but I don't actually die. I like having the choice to have breakfast with my family or to hide in the bedroom with a cup of tea and a book for 20 minutes. Also means on the days when I am downstairs we have eggs, fruit, interesting sorts of bread, homemade scones etc. I don't think cereal for breakfast every day is a great idea anyway.

It would, as most posters have said, be unreasonable to ban all of these foods, but entirely reasonable to say he must clean up and wash up after himself, and air the kitchen properly too.

User 14930... why will you scream? Did you suffer from hyperemesis? Do you know anything about it?

Another one saying YABU but he should wash/wipe up after himself.

OP: you have my sympathy I've been you.

I had severe HG each pregnancy (nearly lost one due to it, hospitalised etc) and some food smells that triggered symptoms during pregnancy are a problem to this day (my kids are grown up).

It has diminished over time but has never gone. I think this association is hard to understand if you haven't been there but I've had it described to me as a variant of PTSD triggers. You may find that some help talking through the experience/counseling can help but it won't get rid of the problem entirely.

There are a couple of foods i still have major problems with but my DH has them if I'm not around and cleans up afterward.

The nutritional content of eggs is irrelevant, high protein breakfasts come in many forms. Your DH has apparently decided his enjoyment of eggs for breakfast is more important than sharing breakfast with the rest of you and that he can leave the smell and mess for you to sort out (along with the kids at breakfast).

I think he is being a bit of a shit frankly.

user it was a clinical psychologist who described it to me as akin to PTSD.

Severe HG is a traumatic experience, flashbacks are not uncommon. I had nightmares for years about the pregnancy I nearly lost, the DC ill at home whilst I was in hospital facing the prospect of a therapeutic termination. It is no more akin to regular morning sickness than a sprained ankle maps onto breaking your neck

akin to means like. Do not diagnose people on the internet with very serious mental health issues.

akin to means like. Do not diagnose people on the internet with very serious mental health issues. angry

Or you could read my post which talks about my experience and recommends the OP to get help if needed.

Your post is dismissive of the possibility of the user having a problem which could be addressed with such help instead telling her to get over herself. Seems to me you are the one diagnosing.

If even the site of bean juice makes you heave then I would suggest psychological treatment, go to your GP. Your reactions seem pretty strong after a lengthy period of time and addressing them would make your life easier.

sight

Another HG sufferer here. If you haven't had it, best pipe down with the minimising. It was the most horrific experience of my life. Yes to flashbacks! I had to throw out a whole load of clothes and there is one particular shade of a colour that for some reason has totally stuck as an association - I can't possibly wear it, when I see it I feel a wave of nausea followed by a flash of total anxiety. Very irritating, but it doesn't really impact on my life. This coming from the most un-anxious, practical and no-nonsense person (or I like to think I am, of course :) )

Thankfully I don't have anything like that with food. You'd think I would if it's that potent an experience - but none of it is logical I suppose.

OP, I'd seek some sort of advice if I were you. Yes it basically probably is a form of post-traumatic stress, in the sense that that term probably covers a wide range of negative experiences and our responses to them, but to be honest forget the labels - basically you're having your life impacted by this so I'd look into treatments which may help. Hypnosis? Counselling? CBT? I am not familiar with any of them so can't advise, but don't just put up with this. In the meantime, talk to your H and ask him to meet you half way and open the kitchen door while cooking and WASH UP! - and you'll see the doc.

As long as the food in question doesnt cause an allegic reaction tbh I think you should suck it up tbh, he has already comproised in staggering the meal.

Can you imagine the outrage on here if a bloke tried to dictate what a woman could or could not eat in her own home (minus allaergies which can be air born ei citric friut and dried peanust etc).

Red flags would be declared.

Randomly about leaving the washing up, truthfully does everyone on here honsetly wash up all dishes stright away after every meal? because I dont mornings are rushed enough as it is I prefer to wait until the evening to do all the washing up rather then attempting to rush it when i need to go do school drop off and or work etc

I don't know if I had HG at the milder end or 'normal' morning sickness at the more severe end, but it's one of the reasons I don't want to be pregnant again. Thinking about it makes me feel sick, and I still try and avoid drinking apple juice and water.

Your DH should clean up after himself, but I would suggest you see your GP and get referred for some help with this.

Can you imagine the outrage on here if a bloke tried to dictate what a woman could or could not eat in her own home (minus allaergies which can be air born ei citric friut and dried peanust etc).

Allergies are not the only form of violent reaction to something. Imagine the post "the smell of X triggers my cluster headaches/severe migraines leaving me incapacitated for periods of time but DP continues to cook and eat it in the house leaving the mess for me to clear up"

Because that is what we are talking about - not the normal dislike /aversion to some smells.

No, I don't think there'd be 'outrage' if a man with a similar level of problem posted, really. Most folk here have said, you need to look into getting it sorted. At the same time, they've suggested that given the circumstances, it's not too much to ask him to wash up - even though as pps rightly say it's not something that you'd normally do, instant washing up!

It's just being kind really. If my DH had an allergy/migraine problem/post-viral sickness or whatever, I'd be able to shift my stumps to help him out if something was making him miserable, I think.

We're not talking about someone being precious and moany about something that they personally dislike.

but the line needs to be drawn somewhere when i was pregent nearly every type of food set me off other then rice and chicken should I have said thats it everyone in the house you can only have cold none smelly food or rice and plain chicken?

No I dealt with it rather than impose such restrictions on everyone in the house.

I was gagging feeling nausaus for nearly all normal foods btw so i do know what the op is going through so i still think YABU

I was gagging feeling nausaus for nearly all normal foods btw so i do know what the op is going through

No really is not just bad morning sickness its a step level different. Normal morning sickness however bad does not land you in hospital for rehydration, it isn't life threatening and doesn't sometimes require a therapeutic termination. It is traumatic like any other life threatening illness can be which is why it can result in the flashback experience the OP describes.

One of the common problems making it worse for sufferers is the extent to which people do assume its just 'bad morning sickness'. In that context malignant cancers are just a bad mole, migraines are just bad headaches, slipped disks are just back aches - there is a material difference.