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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU that he shouldn't eat these?

91 replies

NotForSale · 05/05/2017 07:49

When I was pregnant 4 years ago I had hyperemesis where I couldn't eat and was sick for every waking moment.
I still have strong aversions to certain foods that must have come from association with that time as I only have to smell them and I am right back in the full horror of it. These include cooked eggs, baked beans, yoghurt, black pepper, vinegar, fried chicken.
My husband has a fondness for omelette and baked beans for breakfast rather than cereal like every one else in the house and it makes me heave so we stagger breakfast times although the smell lingers and the bean juice on his dirty plate or on the work surface and saucepan still make me gag. AIBU that he simply shouldn't eat these if it has such a strong impact on me? I don't respond like that out of choice!

OP posts:

ArcheryAnnie · 05/05/2017 08:19

Is a compromise possible? He could eat them AS LONG AS he cleans up after himself - no bean juice on plates or counters, everything washed up. No exceptions, he washes up.

And maybe half and half - he has a cooked breakfast 3 or 4 days out of 7, you get a smell-free house 3 or 4 days out of 7?

Or you could encourage him to visit your local greasy spoon instead.

(I once shared a house with a man who loved tripe. In the end we made him cook it in the garden. It was his house too, but it stank the whole house out and made us all gag.)

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/05/2017 08:23

I think you should get some hypnotherapy to deal with this. For now, what about asking him to wash up and air the room. Or even get a barbecue so he can cook and eat it in the garden now the weather is getting better (whilst you get your therapy).

DirtyChaiLatte · 05/05/2017 08:26

Why is he leaving his dirty pan and plate out for you to clean? Why can't he clean them himself or put them in the dishwasher?

Regardless of your aversion to his breakfast, he shouldn't be leaving out dirty pans and plates and not cleaning up after himself.

Chloe84 · 05/05/2017 08:27

the smell lingers and the bean juice on his dirty plate or on the work surface and saucepan still make me gag.

He should

cook in the kitchen with the door closed and window and extractor fan on
eat in the kitchen
wash all dishes including pan and clean worktop

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 05/05/2017 08:27

He INBU to eat them, but he could at least bloody well clean up after himself!

BertrandRussell · 05/05/2017 08:34

Fine for him to eat it. Outrageous that he doesn't wash up after himself. Shocking and worrying that this is not your main concern.

Notso · 05/05/2017 08:35

I think yab a bit u. Although I sympathise. I have always hated certain foods for as long as I can remember, the smell at though of them can make me heave.
However when I had DC1 I knew I had to do something about it as she had to eat a varied diet and that include my hated eggs, bananas, mushrooms, tomatoes, milk. I used to be unable to handle raw meat too more than tipping pre chopped chicken, mince or frozen fillets of fish into a pan.
It was a hard slog and having DC kiss me with a face full of banana or help me make meatballs and plunge their hands into the bowl of mince still can bring me out in a cold sweat but I cook or prepare anything now except fish with a head on it and I'm working on that.
So far (eldest is 17 youngest is 5) while my four children have had fussy stages and have likes and dislikes non of them have the strong food aversions I had and I'm proud of that.
You can do it OP.

Notso · 05/05/2017 08:36

But yes he should certainly clean up after himself.

araiwa · 05/05/2017 08:39

i cant stand all seafood, fish etc -the smell makes me properly sick but if others living in my house wanted to cook and eat it then i went out or to my bedroom etc

but no way would i be cleaning up their stinky fish dish after

LaContessaDiPlump · 05/05/2017 08:39

I HATE the smell of kippers. Makes me retch. Whenever DH eats them, I retreat to the other side of the house and he is under strict instructions to wash up everything before I can be induced to return. I wouldn't go so far as to ban them from his life though!

Therefore I sympathise, but YAB a little bit U.

expatinscotland · 05/05/2017 08:40

I find cereal shit. YABU about his eating it, but he needs to clean it up.

RitaMills · 05/05/2017 08:42

Hmm I think YABU actually, I have eggs most mornings and would be very put out of my DP told me he didn't want me making them anymore. He should try and reduce the affect it has on you by thoroughly cleaning up after himself and maybe opening the kitchen window so the smell goes away quicker (or spraying diluted Zoflora over the worktop which Zapps any smell).

stonecircle · 05/05/2017 08:47

Going against the grain here - I don't think you are being unreasonable. Certainly not if he has cooked eggs every day (possibly not good for him either?)

Maybe if he had them occasionally- and washed up straight away? Sounds very inconsiderate to me.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 05/05/2017 08:48

YABU. are you me going to feed your DC those things because they make you feel ill???

He should clean his plates though. YANBU there.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 05/05/2017 08:49

Don't know why I've put me in that sentence. Stupid phone

RitaMills · 05/05/2017 08:51

Eggs are a great source of protein and a very healthy every day breakfast stonecircle. I'd probably say a lot better than cereal. (Not judging about the cereal btw, just saying nutritionally eggs are better).

BertrandRussell · 05/05/2017 08:51

The point is not whether or not the OP is being unreasonable for finding certain food repulsive and not wanting to see or smell them

The point is that her partner, knowing that she does find them repulsive leaves plates, pans and worktop with those foods on for her to clean up. Which means he is an arrogant, misogynist arsehole.

HermioneJeanGranger · 05/05/2017 08:52

Eggs every morning is far healthier than cereal every morning!

Eggs are one of the healthiest foods you can eat - certainly nothing wrong with having them everyday.

LostPeppers · 05/05/2017 08:53

if the foods you have an issue with were not so common, I would agree.
But eggs and black pepper?

I would go like most PP. YABU to ask him to stop eating eggs for breakfast (he has already staggered his b'fast for you and TBH I think it's a much better b'fast than toast or cereals on a health POV).
YANBU to ask to wash up after himself. That should happen anyway with or wo you not liking the smell of it.

BertrandRussell · 05/05/2017 08:54

But if he was a halfway decent human being, she wouldn't have to ask him to clean up..............

blueskyinmarch · 05/05/2017 09:04

I agree with the others here who say YABU to expect him to never eat these foods. They are fairly normal foods which he enjoys. However, he should be cleaning up his own dirty dishes so you don’t have to deal with them.

Lunde · 05/05/2017 09:07

DH ended up having to eat some meals outside when my hyperemesis was at its worst

I think yanbu to ask dh to wash up after himself as he knows that his breakfast makes you very ill

BarbaraofSeville · 05/05/2017 09:09

YABU to expect him to eat cereal. It's not food.

Eggs and beans is a much better breakfast, but of course he should clear up after himself afterwards.

paxillin · 05/05/2017 09:16

Maybe he hates gruel and thinks cereal gross. You can't dictate what he eats. You can ask him to wash his dish and open the window though.

SlothMama · 05/05/2017 09:19

YABU.

But he should be washing the dishes, wiping down the dirty side and opening the window to make it easier for you.

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