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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be highly offended and deeply upset by my 'I'm so painfully right on' neighbours attitude towards DS?

67 replies

grouchyoscar · 13/03/2007 13:50

DS is 3.7, chatty, intelligent. big and blustery but just over 3 1/2

We live in a Victorian Terrace with a shared back yard and private gardens beyond. It can be difficult as you can feel that we're all in each other's pockets at times but it has it's benefits and you learn to take the rough with the smooth.

Today we're out playing, loads of DS's toys in our segment of the yard and we're sharing them with next door's twins (2.5)

DS spots a ball that used to be his but we passed it on to the twins. He has a meltdown for it and will not listen to reason. He asks me, the twins and next door's mum for it back. Calms down a bit about it.

Other neighbour, who paints herself as painfully right on comes out to plant. DS approaches to tell his troubles. I detect she is prickly so I try hard to get him ollut of the waqy when she turns to hin abd says (loud and sternly) 'My vegetabke garden is my peace and quiet. I don't want to have to spend all summer in doors' and 'Whenever you appear there is always chaos'

WTFF...How f*ing dare she. I appreciate DS is a big handful but that is offside, especially directed at a child when it was obvious his mother was trying to take him from the situation. Does she forget what a handful her ADHD son was when he used to come round?

I brought him in saying I appreciate her point of view but HE IS ONLY 3.

I feel lousy, judged as a bad parent and viewed as a poor neighbour. I am none of these. Am I being unreasonable and what do you suggest I do?

OP posts:

southeastastra · 13/03/2007 13:52

collect slugs and put them right under her vegetables.

SturdyAngel · 13/03/2007 13:53

Go back outside! Ignore her and enjoy the sunshine! You have as much right to be out there as she has.

Drusilla · 13/03/2007 13:53

You're not being unreasonable and I would do nothing but carry on life as normal. As you say, he is 3!!Noise during the daytime is to be expected when you have small children living next door He has done nothing wrong, not damaged anything of hers etc.

amynnixmum · 13/03/2007 13:55

Ignore her and enjoy your time in the garden

maisym · 13/03/2007 13:55

you've done nothing wrong - get back outside.

Soapbox · 13/03/2007 13:56

I would be rather annoyed by this and would tell your DS loudly the next time you are both in the garden to ignore the grumpy lady from next door, as this garden is your play area and you are not spending all summer indoors because she is being grumpy. Whenever she is in the garden there is prickliness and you are both going to ignore it from now on.

gobshite · 13/03/2007 13:56

ffs!

Train your son to say to her
"My garden is my place to play and laugh. Whenever you appear there is always misery!"

southeastastra · 13/03/2007 13:57

yes and take a radio with you

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/03/2007 14:01

ROFL at SEA

ssd · 13/03/2007 14:02

or better a ghetto blaster (do yo still get them??) and blare bob the builder or something equally annoying!!

AitchYouBerk · 13/03/2007 14:02

ach no. she does have a right to use her garden too. i think you should speak to her really nicely and ask if there's a way of sharing the garden that will make you both happy. she'll probably back down, but you have to let her.

HEIFER · 13/03/2007 14:02

Tell her to go and get an allotment if she wants some piece and quiet while gardening..

HEIFER · 13/03/2007 14:03

opps peace

littlelapin · 13/03/2007 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bozza · 13/03/2007 14:06

I think she is being a cow. Children are meant to be in gardens. My two virtually live out there in the summer months and I would not expect that kind of attitude. Your DS will not be there every minute of the day. I too love my summer evenings in the garden when DS and DD are in bed and the light is fading but I also love the daytime with the children running around and playing and the house remaining tidy.

Aefondkiss · 13/03/2007 14:11

ooooh what a horrible neighbour, I can't understand why people are SO intolerant of children, you must be fuming, it would upset me for ages if someone said that to one of my dc, and I do feel for my neighbours at the amount of noise my two can make, but I do think people are like this should be excluded, go and live in a gated community somewhere so we can avoid them.

I quite like gobs idea, and heifers allotment idea, and the slugs south suggested would be great!

Mumpbump · 13/03/2007 14:18

I'd ignore it. Perhaps she was having a bad day. What she said is unreasonable for all the reasons mentioned, but I would just let it blow over. If she makes a similar comment on another occasion, then possibly consider making the point that your garden is your and your ds' area for play.

Original poster

grouchyoscar · 13/03/2007 14:18

oooh, wonderfully evil get my own back suggestions.

more please! Not that I'd use them, you're just making me feel vinicated for being upset.

OP posts:

JodieG1 · 13/03/2007 14:23

I'd stay outside and also would have had a go at her for speaking to my child like that. I don't have much patience when people behave like that towards children though and wouldn't want her to get away with it. She should have spoken to you if she had a problem not your son, what a bully.

sunnysideup · 13/03/2007 14:24

I think the slugs idea simply can't be bettered

From distant pre-child days I DO remember wanting the garden to be a place of quiet and calm HOWEVER even then I understood that children have to play. As long as there's some time in the evening when adults can get out for a quiet sit and glass of wine, that's all that can be expected I think, and as your ds is 3 I can't imagine that he's out there at 9pm!

And how truly nasty of her to say those things to a very small child who was simply approaching her to talk...how mean spirited she must be.

littlelapin · 13/03/2007 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AitchYouBerk · 13/03/2007 14:28

she shouldn't have said that, certainly. but children don't have any more right to be in the garden that she does. and she could probably make a good case for the OP moving to a non-shared garden as well. speak to her an dtry to accommodate her, otherwise things will be grim. the suggestions to antagonise her further are just stupid.

sunnysideup · 13/03/2007 14:29

actually I think if she has such a problem with kids being around, it might be time for sheltered accommodation

JodieG1 · 13/03/2007 14:30

I think you're wrong Aitch. She wouldn't have a good case against her in fact I would think it would be the opposite. Harrassing a 3 year old child is hardly going to do you any favours. Children are expected and allowed to make noise and just because the garden is shared doesn't change that. Noone has to keep their child quiet when out in their garden, shared or otherwise.

bozza · 13/03/2007 14:34

As I understand it the gardenrs aren't shared though, they are just accessed through a shared yard.

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