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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sil birthday gift

73 replies

stuffeddolly · 03/05/2017 12:58

My future sil birthday is coming up. Kind of obligated to get her a present I don't really want to and I don't really like her. My DP does not really like her either.

We booked our wedding they then got engaged after us and waited until we announced the date of our wedding about 3 weeks later she announced they had decided to book their wedding for 2 months before ours. Yes people can get married when they want but even my DP agreed she did it on purpose. Bil told my mil he didn't even get a say in when or where the wedding would be she just kept insisting it HAD to be then he asked her to wait until next year to allow the proper time to plan it but she refused she's actually caused everyone a lot of stress. My DP and I can't attend the wedding for a few reasons and mil is struggling financially with these weddings I had considered changing the date of my wedding but to do that would add an additional £2,000 to our bill money I just don't have. I should also mention she has chosen a destination wedding and a separate reception for when they get back. Which will require some travel and over 200 for a hotel room. She never contacts any of us including mil when they visit she never wants to do anything with us and last time she was here she was rude about my home and said it was cluttered (it's not I have a child who has toys around) but they get tidied away of an evening I also like my little trinkets like photos and candles she likes things minimal there house still looks like they are in the process of moving in there is nothing personal anywhere the walls are bare no cushions nothing we have different tastes which is fine but don't think she should of been rude to me.

Anyway I'm done making an effort with her to be nice I want to get her a really passive aggressive birthday present but what?

I was going to get her a canvas bag with a smiley face which reads best sister in law ever, deal with it and a self help book on manners I thought it would be perfect hand luggage bag and a read for the plane but maybe someone on here can think of something better.

It might seem unreasonable but she's made my mil cry she's been rude to me and she's upset bil as she has stated she doesn't care that his family can't attend the wedding. Personally I don't see why he doesn't leave her but that's really none of my business.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 03/05/2017 13:00

A book on bridal etiquette.

stuffeddolly · 03/05/2017 13:04

Do they do those?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 03/05/2017 13:09

Passive aggressive birthday present... Hmm. If you begrudge her a gift, just don't buy one.

peachgreen · 03/05/2017 13:10

If you hate her so much, don't get her a present at all. It will have the same effect. Getting someone a passive-aggressive present like that is pretty awful, no matter what she's done to you.

fourandnomore · 03/05/2017 13:15

You're lowering yourself to her level. Leave it to your dp, it's his sister. You retain the moral high ground if you don't do the passive aggressive gift.

roses2 · 03/05/2017 13:20

Why can't you just send her a card?

Be polite and engage as little as possible.

TheMerryWidow1 · 03/05/2017 13:20

I also think you are lowering yourself to her level and will probably make matters a lot worse! If she is rude about your home or anything else tell her at the time she is rude and needs to keep her comments to herself, so she knows none of you will put up with it.

skyzumarubble · 03/05/2017 13:25

Just don't get her anything - send her a card.

stuffeddolly · 03/05/2017 13:25

She's on my DPs sister it's his brothers fiancée.

We have to buy her a gift.

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 03/05/2017 13:27

Fb message. .

eitak22 · 03/05/2017 13:28

Donate some money for a worthy charity in her name. That way someone gets something useful and she gets a goat.

WarwickDavisAsPlates · 03/05/2017 13:29

Why do you have to get her a present?

If she doesn't care if any of his family can come to their wedding why would she care if you get her a gift or not?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/05/2017 13:33

You really no NOT have to buy her a present!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/05/2017 13:33

*do NOT

fourandnomore · 03/05/2017 13:36

I'd say that makes it even less necessary to buy her a gift. Why would you? Your dp's brother's fiancée? My brothers don't buy my husband a gift because blokes don't bother. I might buy my sister in laws (same relationship structure) one if I remember but I actually like them.

Mulberry72 · 03/05/2017 13:37

You really DON'T have to buy her a present, you really don't!

What's she going to do? Report you to the birthday present Police?!

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 03/05/2017 13:37

Go woth the classic, here's a gift cause I have to, cadbury chocolate bar. Grin or a chocolate orange.

jojo2916 · 03/05/2017 13:37

Your family sound horrible all slagging her off even her other half no wonder she doesn't want to spend any time with you

clairethewitch70 · 03/05/2017 13:38

Buy her something massive and tacky to put on display, and when you visit ask her where it is.

NavyandWhite · 03/05/2017 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pickleypockley · 03/05/2017 13:42

Buy her a scented candle Grin

NellieFiveBellies · 03/05/2017 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoSquirrels · 03/05/2017 13:45

Your DH can buy a gift ... or not.

Not your problem, it's his sister.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 03/05/2017 13:46

I would do the following:

  1. Grow the fuck up
  2. Stop giving a shit about her and what she may or may not be doing
  3. Buy myself a nice present
Somerville · 03/05/2017 13:46

For a start, you're misusing the term passive-agressive. Buying someone you don't get on with a book on manners is confrontational, not passive!

And buying her an offensive birthday present is ruder than anything you've described her doing, by the way. The problem here might not be her...

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