Sil birthday gift

[stuffeddolly]

My future sil birthday is coming up. Kind of obligated to get her a present I don't really want to and I don't really like her. My DP does not really like her either.

We booked our wedding they then got engaged after us and waited until we announced the date of our wedding about 3 weeks later she announced they had decided to book their wedding for 2 months before ours. Yes people can get married when they want but even my DP agreed she did it on purpose. Bil told my mil he didn't even get a say in when or where the wedding would be she just kept insisting it HAD to be then he asked her to wait until next year to allow the proper time to plan it but she refused she's actually caused everyone a lot of stress. My DP and I can't attend the wedding for a few reasons and mil is struggling financially with these weddings I had considered changing the date of my wedding but to do that would add an additional £2,000 to our bill money I just don't have. I should also mention she has chosen a destination wedding and a separate reception for when they get back. Which will require some travel and over 200 for a hotel room. She never contacts any of us including mil when they visit she never wants to do anything with us and last time she was here she was rude about my home and said it was cluttered (it's not I have a child who has toys around) but they get tidied away of an evening I also like my little trinkets like photos and candles she likes things minimal there house still looks like they are in the process of moving in there is nothing personal anywhere the walls are bare no cushions nothing we have different tastes which is fine but don't think she should of been rude to me.

Anyway I'm done making an effort with her to be nice I want to get her a really passive aggressive birthday present but what?

I was going to get her a canvas bag with a smiley face which reads best sister in law ever, deal with it and a self help book on manners I thought it would be perfect hand luggage bag and a read for the plane but maybe someone on here can think of something better.

It might seem unreasonable but she's made my mil cry she's been rude to me and she's upset bil as she has stated she doesn't care that his family can't attend the wedding. Personally I don't see why he doesn't leave her but that's really none of my business.

I just don't get why you HAVE to buy a present. 🤷‍♀️
I'd not even bother with a card if she's what you describe

Will she reciprocate with gift on your birthday?

Buy her a goat in africa; I like candles so i'd love that as a gift, no where near passive aggressive enough

I don't understand why it's a problem that they are getting married before you. Why would it matter?

What mainly struck me here is the comment that 'MIL is struggling financially with these weddings'. That really isn't fair, even if she's offered it shouldn't be allowed to happen. If she feels obligated, there are four young adults here who can take responsibility for the cost of their own weddings. Your DP and his DB should deal with this and relieve their mum of the financial worry.

Regarding the present, it's your DP's side of the family, leave it to him to do, or not. If he does get a gift, presumably more to maintain the relationship with his DB, then as a pp said, a neutral token gift candle.

I like the face engraving on the crystal as well pmsl!

No bil really loves his family and wanted his family to be there but she isn't bothered either way her own family are going so to her that's all that matters. We had put up with all sorts even nasty picture status on Facebook about how we are not bothering. It's not that we just can't afford to go we have paid to attend their reception though as we took it from the hair and make up budget of our own wedding but yes I am the deeply unpleasant one. Not that I'm complaining I'm fully capable of doing my hair and make up but it would of been nice to have had it done for that one day not like I get married every year

I think people should be able to get married when and where they like but I also don't expect to get trouble from the bride when she went out of her way to make sure her wedding was before ours now that we can't afford to go we've looked into all the
Options and postponing our wedding would cost us more then what it would to attend theirs.

I am allowed to dislike the woman the fact that I don't like her doesn't mean I am a totally awful person lol

Mil isn't paying for the weddings she struggling with all the normal guest costs

2 outfits, 2 gifts, hotel stays, transport, flights (in their case)

I've paid for her hotel for our wedding and my DP and I have requested no gifts or money I don't know what bil and sil have asked for as there was nothing on their reception invite about that kind of thing but she does have to pay to attend both their wedding and the reception as sil is already paying for her mum and step dad.

donate money to a charity in her name, thats always a winner.
Charity gets some money and she gets to have the feeling that you really dont like her.

We haven't really engaged we say the minimum about both weddings now it's sad because weddings should be nice whether it's your own or you're a guest but both weddings are now feeling more a chore the build up so far had been horrible it's my mil I feel sorry for in all of it.

Well she could make do with one outfit for both. Yours is second so you could tell her to wear the same as to the first and that you don't want a gift. That would help her financially?

Sorry I see you've already done the present bit

I would think one of those twee quotes about families uniting in marriage in an ornate frame would be ideal.
I totally identify with your feeling btw stuff

Don't buy her a present. Don't invite her around. You don't have to be rude about it but just leave it to her to make the effort. I'm sure she won't and then everyone is a winner.

If your MIL is struggling financially she needs to speak to her son and be clear about the situation

Passive aggressive present buying isn't going to help the situation.

why do you have to get her a present?

For years I bought my SIL (DBs wife) a birthday present, but they always ignored my DHs birthday. So one year I stopped bothering. It felt so good

Set yourself free........ just don't do it!

Just a suggestion if MIL is struggling with hotel costs; could she maybe look at getting an AirBnB, possibly even sharing with other family members who are attending? That's what we're doing for a friend's wedding; we were struggling to work out how we could afford a gift as well as travel/accommodation but it's probably saved us about £300

Seriously, OP. Why do you have to get her a present? She sounds like a bit of a moo. Also, I would unfollow her on FB so you don't have to see the snarky posts.

I like the idea of reassuring your MIL that there is no need to buy two outfits. 💖

Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty but the pig enjoys it.

🐖🐷🐖

Give her a £10 Next voucher and tell her to buy herself something pretty.

I just wouldn't engage with this. Be the grown up.

You absolutely don't have to buy her a present.