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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sil birthday gift

73 replies

stuffeddolly · 03/05/2017 12:58

My future sil birthday is coming up. Kind of obligated to get her a present I don't really want to and I don't really like her. My DP does not really like her either.

We booked our wedding they then got engaged after us and waited until we announced the date of our wedding about 3 weeks later she announced they had decided to book their wedding for 2 months before ours. Yes people can get married when they want but even my DP agreed she did it on purpose. Bil told my mil he didn't even get a say in when or where the wedding would be she just kept insisting it HAD to be then he asked her to wait until next year to allow the proper time to plan it but she refused she's actually caused everyone a lot of stress. My DP and I can't attend the wedding for a few reasons and mil is struggling financially with these weddings I had considered changing the date of my wedding but to do that would add an additional £2,000 to our bill money I just don't have. I should also mention she has chosen a destination wedding and a separate reception for when they get back. Which will require some travel and over 200 for a hotel room. She never contacts any of us including mil when they visit she never wants to do anything with us and last time she was here she was rude about my home and said it was cluttered (it's not I have a child who has toys around) but they get tidied away of an evening I also like my little trinkets like photos and candles she likes things minimal there house still looks like they are in the process of moving in there is nothing personal anywhere the walls are bare no cushions nothing we have different tastes which is fine but don't think she should of been rude to me.

Anyway I'm done making an effort with her to be nice I want to get her a really passive aggressive birthday present but what?

I was going to get her a canvas bag with a smiley face which reads best sister in law ever, deal with it and a self help book on manners I thought it would be perfect hand luggage bag and a read for the plane but maybe someone on here can think of something better.

It might seem unreasonable but she's made my mil cry she's been rude to me and she's upset bil as she has stated she doesn't care that his family can't attend the wedding. Personally I don't see why he doesn't leave her but that's really none of my business.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 03/05/2017 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seav · 03/05/2017 13:46

Why do you have to buy her a gift?

This is adult obligatory gift buying at its worst!

I really won't bother going down the PA route it - it will say more about you then her. Just go generic, if you really feel you have to buy a gift.

NoSquirrels · 03/05/2017 13:47

Sorry, misread your earlier message - it's your DH's brother's fiancée.

But principle still applies - his side of family, his gifting problem ... or not.

seagreengirl · 03/05/2017 13:47

You don't have to get her a present, we don't buy my SIL one and they don't buy me one. We are all perfectly friendly, we just don't want to waste money.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/05/2017 13:48

Honestly can't see why you have to get her a gift, but if you must, a cactus sounds appropriate.

ClarkWGriswold · 03/05/2017 13:48

She sounds like my SiL. But seriously; don't do the passive aggressive gift. Have some self respect and just ignore her birthday.

ProseccoBitch · 03/05/2017 13:49

"Anyway I'm done making an effort with her to be nice I want to get her a really passive aggressive birthday present but what?"

You sound as bad as her.

Floggingmolly · 03/05/2017 13:49

All this angst about someone you don't even like... She's said she doesn't give a toss if his family come to the wedding, do you think she'll even notice if you don't give her a gift?
Something tells me she's far more important to you than you are to her...

Lochan · 03/05/2017 13:50

Why not buy her a spine for her fiancé?

As far as I can see alimost all of these problems could have been resolved by him.

Didn't get as say in Wedding the wedding would be? Come on! Is he 12yo?

BarbaraofSeville · 03/05/2017 13:50

*I would do the following:

  1. Grow the fuck up
  2. Stop giving a shit about her and what she may or may not be doing
  3. Buy myself a nice present*

Sounds like a plan. The OP should buy herself a copy of Wifework if she can't she why there's no need to buy future SIL a present.

MadamePomfrey · 03/05/2017 13:52

We have to buy a present but it's ok to get one that's insulting to the birthday girl that is the craziest logic ever!

Underthemoonlight · 03/05/2017 13:52

TBH op you sound just as hard work arguing over weddings

HappyFlappy · 03/05/2017 13:53

just buy her some bubble bath or something

This

Get her some of that Bayliss and Harding muck - it's dirt cheap on Amazon. Or let me know where you live and I can send you some, gratis. People are always buying the sodding stuff for me. Anyone would think they didn't like me.

If she doesn't get the message from that, nothing will get through her thick skin.

originalusernamefail · 03/05/2017 13:55

Personally I wouldn't bother. DH family presents are sorted by DH in this house. However if you must flex your pettiness, may I suggest their faces engraved onto crystal / Perspex . Utter tat to clutter up the house, yet personalised so can't be returned Wink.

Ragwort · 03/05/2017 13:55

Of course you don't have to buy her a present Hmm - I like my SILs but we don't exchange presents, we send a card and maybe have a chat on the phone - that's it.

I don't understand adults who get so wound up about presents.

Greyponcho · 03/05/2017 13:56

Amazon voucher.
Zero real effort involved.
You even get to choose the e-card that goes with it.
choose really low value to piss her off if you're that way inclined

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/05/2017 13:56

^ This! Grin

ProseccoBitch · 03/05/2017 13:57

Further to my last comment, I've read your original post again and I think it might be you that's the problem rather than her, you come across as deeply unpleasant. I think you should read it again and try to see how it sounds to other people.

Booshbeesh · 03/05/2017 13:59

Sign her up for that wedding show where the husband is given a budget a books everything lol

Elphaba99 · 03/05/2017 14:14

Why do you have to get her a present?

Birdsgottaf1y · 03/05/2017 14:14

Are you sure that it isn't BIL, who is enjoying getting married first etc, but is able to blame it on her?

As said, if not, this all could have been solved by him, if he wanted things to be different.

If you've got toys and nic-naks about, then it will look cluttered, to someone else.

HappyFlappy · 03/05/2017 14:19

I didn't think that Prosecco.

Tigerblue · 03/05/2017 14:21

Families don't always get on and some things are worth doing just to keep the peace and to stop things escalating, so I'd buy her a little something even if it's just a box of M&S chocolates or a nice bubble bath from M&S - that way you're not spending much but it looks like you've bought her something nice.

Just a thought, perhaps, she'd always wanted to get married at a certain time of the year, I know I did. My SIL had set her date over a couple of years ahead. DH didn't even want to wait six weeks let alone 2/3 years - I wanted to get married in September and there were two of those before SIL's date. I think she was genuinely pleased that her brother had found someone he was happy with. I appreciate you can't feel the same as there are some people you just can't take to, but I hope you understand what I mean.

stuffeddolly · 03/05/2017 14:23

I will probably go with the scented candle haha and buy myself a nice gift when the money I didn't have to spend on her. Thanks for your help Grin

OP posts:
chocatoo · 03/05/2017 14:26

A posh candle. Something gorgeous that makes her realise that you have class. Or I also quite like the suggestion of a cactus...

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