Aibu to take DS to Slimmers World?

[ILovedThe90s]

DS is 11, is 4ft 8in tall and weighs 58kg (I'm 5'4 and weigh the same). He's more like his dad in terms of body shape and his dad has battled with his weight his whole life. His dad doesn't eat all day during the week, just eats one meal in the evening, to maintain his weight.

I have been really concerned about his weight gain since the start of year 7. Over the past 7 months he has been seen by a doctor on 4 occasions, twice by his GP and twice at the hospital because I wanted to rule out any underlying conditions (all ruled out).

The GP said he was too young to diet, it's about making healthy choices and exercise. DS knows about making healthy choices, but I think he must be secretly eating because I hardly ever see him eating unhealthily. He exercises a lot, he's really active and enjoys being outdoors. He's not into computer games and doesn't have a TV in his room.

I told GP (when DS was out of the room) that DS felt sad about his weight so she referred him for counselling - he attended 2 sessions and was discharged as he's fine. GP also gave me a contact for a local children's lifestyle weight management service, but they told me they were closing due to their funding being stopped. His secondary school don't have a school nurse, I did enquire.

The hospital doctors wrote letters to the GP saying they advised healthy eating and exercise, which wasn't actually true, they didn't address his weight and I didn't ask because DS was in the room and I didn't want him to hear me voice concerns.

I feel completely unsupported by the NHS, they just like to tell me he's obese and then leave it to me. DH and I haven't a clue about dieting - I've never needed to and DH just doesn't eat to lose weight.

So Aibu to want to take DS to the children's version of slimming world, Free2Go (aimed at 11-15 year olds)? I would go with him. Or would I be giving him a complex? I'm just so worried about him

He's 11. If he's that big there are clearly improvements to be made at home. Are your evening meals too heavy because your dh only eats once? You might want to ensure your dh eats separately if that's the case. Also start getting rid of junk, monitor what he eats and if possible make reasonable substitutions. For example if he gorges on butter then get 10g individual portions. Stop bringing in treats etc.

I went to slimming world as an overweight 14 year old. My mum had to come with me to supervise me and make sure I was doing it properly. It really is just healthy eating (if you do it right) and I honestly feel like it taught me some good habits that I have taken into adulthood. I lost weight and became a healthier and happier tennager, still had treats and nobody at school even really knew I was doing slimming world, except that I got skinnier. Would reccomend!

It's you and your H who provide the food. You need to tackle your life style and all eat properly and healthily. Get rid of junk in the house and only rarely eat junk as a treat. Get active as a family go for walks, go on scooters , on the trampoline.

If you are at a loss, it is a possibility. It sounds as if it's aimed at his age category. The other thing to consider is going to see a private dietician or nutritionist, who can teach you both about healthy eating. A dietician adheres to governmental healthy eating guidelines with regard to ratios of fat, carbohydrate and protein intakes. A nutritionist doesn't have to and therefore has more leeway to tailor more individually. Some nutritionists are far better qualified than others and have qualifications on apar with a dietician, and with others this is not the case so choose carefully if you opt for one.

Sounds like a plan to me.

He's unhappy with his weight already, so I don't think you'd be giving him a complex by suggesting it.

You've tried other options, so I would give this a go.

Would dh take him?

Definitely not. The idea of slimming groups is that support is provided from others. It'll be filled with middle aged women. Poor lad.

What does he want to do?

You say you think he is eating in secret so unless he is bothered by his weight AND wants to make changes then whatever you do could end up being counter productive.

The good 2 go is good but as with anything it is down to the individual to make it work

Definitely and SW has people of all ages and genders it is not "full of middle aged women" Soyamilk try gaining a bit more experience of the things you pontificate on.

Er it's not full of eleven year old boys is it? Potentially it's a harmful environment. He's not going to be cooking his own meals so if you want to follow the plan for him YOU need to go.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I agree, me and DH must be doing something wrong. I'm tearing my hair out after Easter, I just want to lob the leftover eggs into the bin, although DS isn't into chocolate so much. I've cut down on the junk in the house already, but my DH didn't want me to cut completely as he said DS has to learn a bit of self control. I did think about a lock on the "junk" cupboard just in case but haven't. I stopped giving him money so he wouldn't buy anything on the way into/back from school and reduced his canteen account so he has to ask when he wants a hot meal and I give enough money for just that one meal. I only in the last couple of years started allowing crisps in their school lunch boxes because the younger ones were complaining. DH does the school runs once a week when I'm at work and he treats the kids with sweets etc, from the shop. He won't stop that, even though I've asked. I wonder if DS gets mixed messages about healthy eating from me and DH, reading back on that.

He is active, more than the rest of the family I'd say. He loves trampolining in the garden and can spend hours at the skate park, he does 3 hours of karate a week. He walks to school and back. Yesterday he didn't have anything after school, and he came home and sat in his room doing homework, so maybe on those days I need to encourage outdoor time.

The Free2Go is aimed at kids, and the old people there would be the parents I'll phone them today and post what they say about going.

DS knows he's overweight and he definitely wants to lose it - he has a buried penis and he's so embarrassed about it, he says he hides in the toilets at school to wee so no one sees. He knows that if he loses weight, then the fat in his groin area will reduce as well and that might help. So I not only worry about his weight and health, I also worry about his future relationships, I just want him to feel good about himself

I used to go to slimming world and there were a couple of children on the plan, I believe they have a plan specifically for children.
Ask him if he fancies it? There are usually a good number of men at these meetings also so he might b more comfortable?

You don't need Slimmers World - teach him about calories and how we need a certain amount of calories for energy. Excess calories don't get used and we gain weight as a result. Work out how many calories he needs for his age/height and activity level. You can also work out a target healthy weight. Check the Eat Well plate to see if the proportions of protein/carbs/veg etc etc are right. He doesn't need crisps in his lunchbox. Make sure he's not eating unhealthy foods on a day to day basis so you are breaking the habit. Those foods are intended to be eaten once in a while not everyday.

I think it's reasonable to give him packed lunches every day at school. Some children make really bad choices when unsupervised. My 14 year old does, and although he's quite skinny really, I worry about his health in general so have always sent him with his lunch.
You can put nice things in there. Mine go mad for pepperami for example.
Then you monitor his breakfast and tea at home and let DH treat him once a week.
I don't think a slimming club is a terrible idea either. What does he think about it?

I think your dh actually sounds like part of the problem. In refusing to get on board with healthy eating he isn't helping your ds.

It takes quite a lot of over eating to be as fat as your ds is. It's not just the odd extra few chips at school. As a family you need to examine portion sizes. Maybe listing his food intake on here would help? Then people could critique it.

I agree packed lunches are the way forward. Take away control from your ds for now.

Get everyone more active. Take all the kids to park run on a Saturday is a good start.

Tbh skate park might not be that active -may be more hanging about with mates etc. You need a lot of activity to outrun a bad diet tbh... a mars bar = 30 mins of running on a treadmill for example.

He also might grow into his lodge which is what happened to SD1 who used to have almost a distended tummy but has shot up about 5 inches and it's all stretched out. Focus on not gaining, doing proper cardio with him and eating balanced meals. No snacks (crap habit). All the boring stuff.

Can you post a normal days food intake for your son.
It maybe possible to tweet it to match the SW plan without him actually having to go to the meetings.

Free to go is good, it's more about helping the child choose the healthier option without it necessarily being a diet option so they can still go out and about with their friends without it being obvious they are dieting, it educates them about healthier versions of the foods they like. It's not all about weight loss though as kids are still growing so this is taken into consideration, your child might make healthier choices but put on weight because he's had a growth spurt, it's about the long term health benefits of healthy eating education. Just to mention though, they aren't classes specifically for children, they just go along to a regular group with a supervising adult. You will also be required to get a permission from signed by your gp

I am trying to nip any trouble in the bud with my DD as both I and DH struggle with our weight.

The only thing that seems to work is making sure that there are no unhealthy snacks at home and no desserts except for fruit and plain yoghurt. She can have a spoon of honey with the yoghurt if she likes.

She is chocolate mad and will eat until she feels sick if left to her own devices.

Breakfast is important and I try to avoid too many carbs, because she immediately gets hungry again. Eggs are DD's favourite. Porridge is a non-starter, so I don't push it.

The other thing is to make sure that he does exercise every single day.

Is there a gym nearby that you could join for roughly the cost of slimming world? Or go swimming after school as a family once or twice a week? He will gain so much confidence by exercising together and seeing improvement. Would he enjoy going for a run with you while your DH looks after the younger DCs?

The exercise he is doing sounds good, but I agree that he might not be doing much at the skate park. That's why classes or doing exercise with you is better. I tried the park with DD but she just sat in a tree with her mate.

I also agree that your DH's attitude is not helping. Self-control is something that develops over time and with practice. You can't expect an 11 year old to consistently do that when people around him are snacking.

Personally, I would also try to avoid the main meal being in the evening. In my opinion, it is always better to have a larger lunch and avoid a heavy meal at night. I don't know if there is any science to back that up, but I find myself gaining weight if I eat more than soup and bread, a protein heavy salad or a small portion of lean meat in the evening.

Find the number for your local consultant on the SW website and give her a ring. It'd probably do you good to go because it will open your eyes to where you're going "wrong". Lots of "healthy" choices are anything but weight loss friendly. You'll get lots of smuggery and "it's easy" waffle on here but if you go to a group you'll meet other people managing the same issues as you and absolutely nobody will say "well my bmi is 0.6 because I'm just so much better than you"!! It's really not just full of middle aged women, we've got all sorts in our group, women of all ages, men of all ages and a handful of young people doing exactly what you're aiming for. It's about educating yourself and your son to make better choices. Give it a go and see how you get on.

What does he eat for breakfast and in the evening?

I just wanted to say good luck. Trying something is probably better than continuing to worry. If it doesn't work out, you can reassess. Maybe you could also begin to get DS interested in cooking / choosing healthy meals? It's hard to comment on what's going on in your household without knowing what you cook, portion sizes etc so maybe spending a bit of time thinking what you could do differently. Re DH buying sweets on way to school maybe suggest he gives DS money equivalent instead and he can save up / buy something else / or chose sweets

I don't know if I'd send any 11 year old to a slimmers club, basically your sending a child that is sad about there weight to fat club and imo that could well do more harm than good.

His 11 so doesn't do the shoppping/cooking etc but you and your dh do so you can change his eating habits and you can have talks with him about healthy eating. He also has no money to buy junk

Your provide healthy meals
Healthy snacks
Talk about healthy eating
Encourage more exercise even if it's just in a back garden or walk round a local park each day
You and your dh lead by example of eating healthy with him and when you talk to him about choosing healthy things you need to be reading from the same page, not have different ideas on what's healthy.
You also get him involved in cooking healthy meals.

Honestly I think you need to cut out all junk in the house even for the younger ones and if they cry that it's unfair tell them 'tough' - you'll probably save them from similar problems in the future. He's only 11- he won't have much in the way of self-control yet. I think you have a real DH problem - he's eating unhealthily and talks about self-control when he personally lacks it (if he did he wouldn't need to eat just the once!). He needs to go with you to slimming world if you've decided otherwise it's not going to work.

Oh and definitely bin the easter eggs. Your DH's opinion doesn't matter here because he's so unhealthy himself and setting a really bad example