Aibu to take DS to Slimmers World?

[ILovedThe90s]

DS is 11, is 4ft 8in tall and weighs 58kg (I'm 5'4 and weigh the same). He's more like his dad in terms of body shape and his dad has battled with his weight his whole life. His dad doesn't eat all day during the week, just eats one meal in the evening, to maintain his weight.

I have been really concerned about his weight gain since the start of year 7. Over the past 7 months he has been seen by a doctor on 4 occasions, twice by his GP and twice at the hospital because I wanted to rule out any underlying conditions (all ruled out).

The GP said he was too young to diet, it's about making healthy choices and exercise. DS knows about making healthy choices, but I think he must be secretly eating because I hardly ever see him eating unhealthily. He exercises a lot, he's really active and enjoys being outdoors. He's not into computer games and doesn't have a TV in his room.

I told GP (when DS was out of the room) that DS felt sad about his weight so she referred him for counselling - he attended 2 sessions and was discharged as he's fine. GP also gave me a contact for a local children's lifestyle weight management service, but they told me they were closing due to their funding being stopped. His secondary school don't have a school nurse, I did enquire.

The hospital doctors wrote letters to the GP saying they advised healthy eating and exercise, which wasn't actually true, they didn't address his weight and I didn't ask because DS was in the room and I didn't want him to hear me voice concerns.

I feel completely unsupported by the NHS, they just like to tell me he's obese and then leave it to me. DH and I haven't a clue about dieting - I've never needed to and DH just doesn't eat to lose weight.

So Aibu to want to take DS to the children's version of slimming world, Free2Go (aimed at 11-15 year olds)? I would go with him. Or would I be giving him a complex? I'm just so worried about him

i don't know what the answer is but I don't think slimming world really wants people to get thin, their business model is based on people going for year and years. erm, you do realise that target members who continue to attend so so free of charge?

OP I wouldn't take an 11yo boy to SW. What I would do if you need the help would be to go myself and implement changes at home. You do not even need SW for this, as pp's have suggested my fitness pal is a good starting point, but please YOU log and count calories for your DS, don't put any pressure on him. Most of this can be done without his knowledge. He is just 11.

My 12 year old son would hate to go to anything like SW! I can't imagine a worse idea.

On the subject of this one meal a day thing, did you know this is called a Warrior diet or something, it's actually a 'thing' where they have this 'eating window' and can gorse on what they like for an hour or two. Hmm..

I think it would help you to start by making some small changes rather than doing a complete overhaul. Personally I would cut down carbs with dinner and up the meat and vegetables if needed. Also cut out sugary drinks if you have them. Don't restrict treats entirely, but look at the recommended daily limit for sugar and try to come in under that. If breakfasts are very sugary then maybe switch to porridge or eggs or something that will keep him fuller for longer. If you can up the exercise by doing things as a family at the weekend then great.

Concerns With the Warrior Diet

The fact that the diet really has no support in science is a concern. For some advocates, like Hofmekler, it may work, but this doesn't mean that the diet is appropriate for the general population.

It's difficult to get all the nutrients you need in one meal a day. Sticking to one meal a day may help you lose weight, but that's not a guarantee. A one-meal-per-day plan can leave you extremely hungry so that you're likely to binge and overeat when you do eat -- which won't help you lose weight. It's also difficult to maintain if you live in a household where the other people eat three meals a day.

I was overweight as a teenager and I'm even more overweight now. My mum spoke to me about it but I was embarrassed. I wish I'd had a bit more of an education into being healthy a lot sooner. As it is I am in my 30s with 8 stone to lose :(

But. I've just started slimming world and I am really enjoying it. I've lost about 2st so far and I've learned loads.
It sounds like portion sizes are an issue in your house. Could you get portion size spoons or similar to make sure you're eating within guidelines? It's also worth looking at carb amounts in his diet and seeing if more protein can be added. Carbs are used by the body first as slow release energy. Protein is used second but gets used up quicker which is why low carb diets work well with a lot of people.

Good luck. I'm envious of your relationship with him that he's so honest with you. I think he needs to see something is being done so that he doesn't feel it's not an important issue.
I would take him to sw :)

I rue the day I first went to SW and WW in my late teens. Was talking about this a few years ago with friend who also struggles with her weight and has come with me and we suddenly realised that all this had done is create an off/off plan mentality and we'd ended up fatter than ever.

Totally get the worry over this, my only consolation is that both my DC speakers after DH's side and are thin. I think given DH's issues you'll need to be the driving force with this. I'm using something similar to MFP and Hsbc now started thinking in portion size for things like rice and pasta as per what my app says which help. I was just googling small dinner plates before I came onto this thread as we have some knackered melamine ones that are smaller and I've found using these really help.

As said above you can log his calories without him knowing. Focus on educating him on healthy eating habits, portion control over the next few years so he is equipped to make healthy choices as he gets older. I'd also get the whole family out moving as much as you can on walks and bike rides. Maybe when he is a bit older get him a Fitbit or similar so he can understand how much his body is burning, knowing that helps regulate intake.

Another calorie counting app is Nutracheck, the app only version is £30 a year so not free as with MPF but it is UK based and easy to use, very helpful with portion sizes. I do think you are very wise to get this sorted now.

I'm not sure if you have already said you would do this, so sorry if I am repeating something. Could you go along to the weight loss group on your own, talk in person to the leader and really get a feel for the atmosphere and the people who are there. I think you would get a strong feeling about whether it is the right place for your son. Also, is there any chance your husband would like to go? (I know it's a long shot and he has a lot of food issues so probably a terrible idea.) It might become something they could do together- working to eat and live healthily.

You could check out the group without even mentioning it to your son, so if it is a bad atmosphere for him, he wouldn't even need to discuss it..

Have a look at the site diet doctor for some real advice perhaps.

OP, what a tough situation for you to be in. Personally, I think you need a family approach to get every one eating healthily and also exercising regularly. You need to get your DH on board and explain that childhood obesity leads to lifelong issues as well as early death. You are likely setting up your two younger children to follow in these footsteps to - don't make this just about your son. I do wonder if having an overweight son makes it easier for your DH to accept his own weight.

Firstly, the junk food [all of it] has to go. To make it easier for everyone, set a timescale of say six months with the agreement that after six month you can [after a family decision] introduce a limited number of items back into it.

Secondly, packed lunches all around. Giving DS money to spend is probably meaning he is spending it on junk food and not on healthy options. Get everyone to keep a food diary for a few weeks and sit down and discuss the good points and the bad points. You will have to do this in a fun way and possibly reward the younger two to get onboard.

Thirdly, GET OUTSIDE. Walk to school if you can one day a week, get the kids outside on bikes or in the garden for at least 45 minutes afterschool - set them obstacle courses, or set up races. Bike rides are brilliant, family walks in the park etc. Just get everyone moving as much as possible

Cooking - I could write a separate post, do you eat lots of pre made food at the moment? Cooking from scratch and getting the kids involved in the preparation is the best way to go. There's a lot of hidden sugars in the pre made stuff which we don't realise. This is particularly true for jars of pasta sauce etc. Get the kids involved with a healthy weekly meal plan, get the kids involved with shopping, and get the kids involved with cooking. Check breakfasts - kids cereals tend to be sugar laden - these should go.

And, your DP needs to stop rewarding you children with food. Finally.

This is what happens when public services get pulled back. The cancelled group would have been perfect. I'm not sure what happened when you went NHS but ask again if he can get a referral to dietetics. Also google if there is a MEND group in your area. This is a children's weight management group. possibly you could cross local authority to get to one.

Also remember that depending on your ds's height and weight he may need to maintain his weight and grow into it.

I think you need to look at what he is eating really critically. Also look at drinks including milk which can be a real source of hidden calories.

"This is what happens when public services get pulled back."

It sounds like this child has been well investigated by the hospital and GP and there are no underlying issues that would allow a referral to dietetics. Simply a change of behaviour and attitude at home are needed in the first instance.

I didn't know there was a kids weight loss group but I think it's a great idea.
I was never a particularly good cook when the DC were growing up but it was as much about what food I didn't buy as the healthy food I did choose to buy. I never bought sweets, cakes, biscuits, crisps or fizzy drinks to keep at home. If anyone (DH or I) wanted junk food we'd buy it and eat it elsewhere. Easier not to have it in the house than stopping DC eating it.
Your DH is being a pita saying your DS 'needs to learn self control'. He's an 11yo child ffs.

Have a look at the site diet doctor for some real advice perhaps.

A quick look at their homepage makes it evident this is no 'real advice' for an 11yo

Low carbing? Keto? Fasting?

Carbs are really important when you are a growing child. Putting adult weight loss techniques onto children is dangerous

But child obesity is a huge problem and one where in many areas there are services to tackle. The op is in a postcode lottery. The NHS isn't just about disease but should be investing in health promoting initiatives as that saves money in the long run. Where I live you could go to the local groups run by the council or to the hospital based service if overweight enough.

@munchkinmaster Yes. However, it's pretty clear in this case that before we invest any more into this family they need to make changes themselves. The OP knows this [hence why she has posted]. She doesn't need NHS health funded education - she knows there is a problem, she knows she should get rid of the snack cupboard and she knows her DHs attitude has to change. She doesn't need an NHS appointment to tell her those things should be done.

And I totally agree with @Empireoftheclouds

God don't take him to slimming world it will scar him for life. He's 11!! As a family you need to reset what/how you eat or all of the kids will end up with eating disorders.

Why on earth have you got "leftover" Easter eggs / hoe many were there! And get rid of the "junk food" cupboard as well.

You all need 3 balanced meals a day.

Look at sport for ds too - mine is 11 and does physical sport every day / rugby/training/fitness/karate/running/cycling etc the skate park isn't exercise.

YANBU if he wants to go. I would have liked my mum to take me. I ended up being 20st in my early 20s. I learned to secret eat by watching my mum. It has to come from him though otherwise you're making a bigger deal out of it and potentially setting him up for a lifetime of 'dieting' would it be better for you to get the plan and do it together at home rather than the pressure of a group?

Yabu by calling slimming world slimmers world though.

It's possible that he's about to have a massive growth spurt. One of mine did this and at 11 he was short and very chubby. At 12 he had grown 6" and was very lean.