To just want dh and I to cook our own meals each?

[NapQueen]

I started a new job 6 weeks ago which has me out of the house much more. Im home for about 6.15, dcs go to bed at 7 (they have dinner at cms and dh collects them at 5).

Id rather not spend those 45mins cooking, id rather do bathtime, playing or reading to dcs. So I cook after theyve gone to bed. Where in my last job id have time to prep stuff during the day most days, I now dont have this luxury.

As a result weve been relying on quick foods. Supermarket pizzas or their curry boxes, or pasta and meatballs etc. Im sick of eating all this shit and want to eat lighter healthier meals.

Dh isnt a great cook (so effing learn I want to say to him!!), and again he is shattered after his days at work too. I know he wouldnt feel full after a chicken salad or salmom and rice or whatever.

In an ideal world we would take turns cooking nice healthy meals and maybe relax on a weekend. But he is honestly happy just shoving convenience food in the oven and would definetly do this on "his days"

Aibu to say mon to fri you sort yourself and Ill sort me?

Im happy to cook sat and sunday, I enjoy cooking, and really miss it.

, kids eating at the childminders every day...

I cook beautiful, healthy 2 course meals each night for the children I mind so they don't have to be tired, hungry and grumpy and waiting for tired parents to cook when they get home. It's a very social occasion...

Back to the thread.. we eat at the same time but rarely the same meal. DH is veggie and likes to cook so he makes his own generally. I often eat with the children at about 5 and even when I don't I'm happy with toast or cereal in the evening.

But even if we aren't eating the same food its normally DH doing the cooking regardless of the fact that I am home all day and he I working.

Just eat/cook what you like and leave him to it.

Our kids eat very well at the CMs. She does good food, and, like you nokids likes to feed the kids so that the little time us parents get with them is for fun and cuddles not racing round trying to feed everyone.

'I wouldn't be thrilled if my DH said I could eat the food he likes or cook my own food. I don't think that is in the spirit of compromise.'

He's not exactly embracing the spirit of compromise, either, as he's doing exactly that on nights he cooks.

expatinscotland

Oh I agree. This doesn't sound great all round. But I would never say to my DH that I would never cool the type of food he likes. And I expect him to cook the type of food I like sometimes.

*cook

Oh Im up for cooking whatever saturday and sunday or dh cooking whatever. But I just want on work nights to stick to lighter healthier and quicker meals without having to consider his appetite. Probs quite selfish but he cooks what he likes.

I get The Dread heading home thinking urgh now ive got to make something for us both. He never has the dread! If in doubt ready meal is his mantra.

Id love the freedom of "ooh theres one chicken breast left and I know ive got salad stuff" without having to then think "ah no I cant make that as theres only enough for one"

I get it, OP. I think the only solution is that you both cook for yourselves.

Surely the compromise here would be to sit together and sort out a meal plan that met both your needs, and take it in turns to cook it?

There's plenty of stuff that's quick and easy and also healthy-ish.
Say omelette, salad and new pots/chicken and veg stirfry with egg noodles/grilled fish or chicken with veg and new pots/fresh soup with baguette and olives/fresh ravioli and salad/baked camembert (ok that's not really healthy, but super yummy) with crudites etc.

I'd say not every meal needs to be all your choice, what's wrong with pizza and salad once a week or so, or jacket with beans and cheese, or even the occasional jar or ready meal?

I'd say that compromise (from both of you) is needed. Or you can each cook for yourself, but that seems very "flatmate-y" and not so much like partners. It would make me and my dh sad. But maybe it will work for you.

'But maybe it will work for you.'

Seems to work for some couples on this thread.

But maybe it will work for you.

I am coming to the conclusion that if a couple likes to eat the same thing at the same time then eating together would be lovely, however in our household it would mean one of us compromising unnecessarily - and even if we share the compromise equally it amounts to 6 months of the year not eating what we'd like. That can't be good for a relationship.

Sounds like your DH needs some schooling in the "art of the compromise", NapQueen.

He needs to iron uniforms on Sunday afternoon- not piecemeal during breakfast in the week.

He needs to agree to a reasonable meal plan - and cook for your tastes on "his" days - or you need to chill about ready meals and pizza.

You can cook separately - but you are really ignoring the fact he seems to not be arsed with healthy cooking at all, or wanting to make you happy, and sometime soon you'll need him to step up to cooking properly for the sake of your DC so now is a natural starting point as your new job is still new - you can renegotiate easily with him the status quo in domestic matters.

YANBU, I hate big meals after a long day at work. If it was up to me I'd eat avocado toast every night. It does sound like he isn't pulling his weight in general though - the ironing, for example.

We did that for a while- ate at same times but different things. It worked for a while, but it became a bit odd after a bit.

So we started doing something different. I cook most weekday evenings, but he cooks all meals at weekends. Bar odd meal out/takeaway.

For the first while there was a certain amount of instruction on my part- either writing down a recipe step by step at the weekend or showing him some techniques during the week when I was cooking. And quite a few YouTube videos were watched.

Works really well now. We both also do some things to make cooking easier- like part baking a batch of potato wedges that will do a few meals, or roasting a chicken to made into meals/stock over a couple of days.

Bonus is that now he understands cooking better, he can do a shop without a list and notices himself when we're running out of a staple, picks it up on his way home without me asking.

If one of is ill/having a stressful time we swap, and just return the favor as soon as we're clear.

He was very willing though to be fair and he could cook a bit to begin with. He always had a few dishes he could make well- his repertoire just wasn't that wide.

He really is incredibly hands on generally, does more of the parenting than me, 50% of the housework, probs 80% of the food shopping. He just chooses convenience or procrastination over preparedness.

The trouble is it has a knock on effect.

I dont want to spend sunday evening ironing, but I do it because I prefer the convenience of it to ironing daily. He doesnt see the benefit, even though everyones squeezing round him and I start growling when he brings the ironing board out at breakfast time.

I think it sounds a sad existence too.

You have only 45 minutes with your kids, and that's getting them to bed?

I would be having a major rethink.

I would be cooking for myself only though, I can't stand oven pizzas and ready meal shit.

I do understand, NapQueen - about the ironing and the choosing the annoying lazy option. But isn't he willing to compromise?

West I get about 1 hour in the morning with them too; and the evening time it takes no time putting them to bed. Nice story together then off to sleep.

The trade off is I see them morning and evening every day, every weekend, every bank hol, every christmas etc. Which I didnt have in my last job even though it was fewer hours.

DH has a very physical job and is home much earlier than I am. He is always starving by 5pm and I'm not home until at least 6pm. I am at my hungriest in the afternoon so I eat a large lunch to avoid mid-afternoon picking at sweets.

Because of this, I'm quite happy with a sandwich or a bowl of soup in the evening, around 7pm. DH would be chewing his arm so he makes his own dinner before I get home. It works for us.

Cook for yourself. He's an adult so can cook for himself. If making healthy meals (for yourself) is taking too long have you thought about an instant pot? It will cook you frozen chicken in 15 minutes so you dont need to remember to take food out of freezer or anything like that. Everything can go in frozen. You could then make enough for two meals and stick half in freezer for a later date. Within a few weeks you should be able to stockpile a load of healthy meals.
Since we got our instant pot we have been eating better and filling the freezer. Tonight we are doing pulled pork which is not healthy but it is very tasty and only takes about 35 minutes plus it's faster than take away food which is a win for us.

Haven't read the full thread so apologies if his has been suggested but have you considered getting a timer plug for your slow cooker? Means you can control when it goes on and off.

Have you actually asked him if he'd be happy with the idea of you cooking yours & him cooking his? Surely that's the obvious starting point.... He might be absolutely fine with that & you've wasted time posting here for nothing. Failing that, you can get plenty of healthy ready meals (M&S for example) - then he can do ready meals on his days that suit you (he can have different more filling ones to you) & you can do whatever on your nights. If he wants more filling than what you'd cook yourself can't he just have more rice or more salmon?

'Have you actually asked him if he'd be happy with the idea of you cooking yours & him cooking his? '

She needs his permission? He's made it clear he's not bothered to cook, he wants ready meals. He doesn't like the healthy stuff she cooks. It's pretty obvious then: they each cook for themselves. They're adults.