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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want dh and I to cook our own meals each?

102 replies

NapQueen · 02/05/2017 16:50

I started a new job 6 weeks ago which has me out of the house much more. Im home for about 6.15, dcs go to bed at 7 (they have dinner at cms and dh collects them at 5).

Id rather not spend those 45mins cooking, id rather do bathtime, playing or reading to dcs. So I cook after theyve gone to bed. Where in my last job id have time to prep stuff during the day most days, I now dont have this luxury.

As a result weve been relying on quick foods. Supermarket pizzas or their curry boxes, or pasta and meatballs etc. Im sick of eating all this shit and want to eat lighter healthier meals.

Dh isnt a great cook (so effing learn I want to say to him!!), and again he is shattered after his days at work too. I know he wouldnt feel full after a chicken salad or salmom and rice or whatever.

In an ideal world we would take turns cooking nice healthy meals and maybe relax on a weekend. But he is honestly happy just shoving convenience food in the oven and would definetly do this on "his days"

Aibu to say mon to fri you sort yourself and Ill sort me?

Im happy to cook sat and sunday, I enjoy cooking, and really miss it.

OP posts:
BusyBeez99 · 02/05/2017 17:51

OP I did a lovely gammon ham in cider in the slow cooker at the weekend. Highly recommend!

Pinkheart5917 · 02/05/2017 18:01

In your situation I think cooking only for yourself is a good idea. It would annoy me just wanting a lighter meal and him wanting a full on dinner.

Me & dh do eat together once the dc are in bed but me & dh like the same food and do share the cooking equally. I'm a sahm so can prep food in the day and dh gets in at 7:30 he will cook for us then as he enjoys it.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2017 18:13

'Preparing a few more vegs isntngoingbto take more time, nor is cooking a second slice of salmon in the same pan.'

Read the thread! He doesn't like the salmon and veg or the chicken salad! This is a non-issue, Nap, except if you're a sexist who believes food in in the family is for de womenz to deal with (hence, how you can batch cook, use a slow cooker, never be too exhausted to cook 'from scratch' because there are people who work 16 hours a day and are still able to prepare enough food for a battalion because that's what womenz do, ya know). Just tell him, 'From now on, you get what you want in for your dinner and I'll do mine.'

KoolKoala07 · 02/05/2017 18:15

Me and Dh usually eat different meals, mainly because I'm always following some new diet. We always eat together though.

NoSquirrels · 02/05/2017 18:49

Your plan sounds alright to me.

But I'd certainly make Friday night his night to 'cook', if you're catering the weekend. For my DH, this would mean a) ready-meal supermarket curry type thing b) pizza c) steak d) filled pasta & ready bought sauce or e) takeaway Grin. Which for a Friday night meal I would be delighted as long as I wasn't cooking! If you've eaten (and cooked for yourself) healthily Mon-Thurs then making him take a turn with less ideal foods sounds alright to me.

Re: batch cooking. I'd make DH do the uniforms and the homework, while you hole up in the kitchen doing some food you'll enjoy in the week. If you like cooking then it's not a chore (and if you'll be cooking a couple of weekend meals anyway you can do the prep etc when you're already in the kitchen). The batch cooking could be just for your meals if you wanted Grin

If you did want to take 'turns', you could work out a meal plan together that you'd both like to eat e.g. salmon & salad for you, salmon & salad & ready-made pre-packed mash/oven chips/baked potato for him. And make sure he cooks what's on the plan.

Sounds to me like he does need to learn to cook better, ultimately, so this would be a way of getting that to happen. He needs to take more responsibility for meals - at some point your DC will probably not be eating evening meals at the childminder, and at that point you don't want to be stressed about them eating beans on toast every night your DH cooks!

HermioneJeanGranger · 02/05/2017 19:03

We cook for ourselves - we both like different foods and he eats far more than I do due to his job. He also finishes work two hours before me and would be ravenous if he was to wait until I got home.

I don't see it as a problem - we still sit together and cook together, just eat different meals.

Angela0413 · 02/05/2017 19:03

Jesus - why should OP be doing batch cooking at weekends. Make what you like and if DH doesn't like it he's big enough to make something for himself.

Original poster
NapQueen · 02/05/2017 19:34

Wrt to the unifom prep he is a "we can just iron stuff each morning" and yes, he would, but the only place to iron is in the lounge and the room is tight enough with dining table etc. I do it all in one go so I can get it all done and put aside so the iron and ironing board isnt out and in the way each morning.

Wrt to his cooking, he eats convenince food because he sees food as a means to an end. So a supermarket curry or pizza is quick and fills a hole and thats his priority. He can make spag bol (from scratch) and chicken dinners etc. He just wont do them during the week. He wants food, any food, that is fast and filling.

I dont want to forfeit my waistline for this way of eating.

As I said above if Im cooking and he wants some Ill make enough for two, but I want that to be on the understanding that he cooks a healthy meal the next night.

OP posts:
bigchris · 02/05/2017 19:37

Me and dh eat separately most of the time, I eat at 6ish and he eats at 8 ish , we just like different things and like, to eat at different times

Married for 12 years and counting

Original poster
NapQueen · 02/05/2017 19:38

Smidge

It sounds to me as though it would be exactly the same (in reverse) on his nights - i.e. he'd be happy to cook for you both if you'll eat the convenience foods he cooks - food which you'd eat because he'd cooked it but not because you like it. Exactly the same as you cooking the healthy options which he'd eat but not because he likes them

But I dont want this. I dont want to eat the crap anymore. He would eat the healthier food because its there. Because he then doesnt have to cook. I could have had two meals out of it. So he needs to then make us dinner the next day and no, I wont eat the crap "because its there".

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 02/05/2017 19:40

Hmm. I don't think you can insist that he makes a healthy meal on alternate nights if you aren't going to make 'his' type of food on 'your' nights. And if you are going to do that, it makes more sense for you to cook the healthy meals and for him to cook the junk. But I know that isn't what you want. I think you should just cook for yourselves.

DixieFlatline · 02/05/2017 19:45

I am agog at how many people are making the DH's food the OP's problem.

Fluffy24 · 02/05/2017 19:48

DH and I cook for ourselves, we normally eat quite differently, and we don't necessarily eat together at the same time either.

I think that it's the sense that we should eat the same things, sitting down together, that bothers me more - but it works for us and if I don't over-think it it's fine.

As DS gets old enough to still be up to eat with us in the evening it'll be more of an issue but we're still getting away with it for the moment.

Often at the weekend we'll eat the same thing, together, for at least one meal which is nice. We eat out a fair bit too (and wouldn't dream of ordering the same thing!!)

AgathaMystery · 02/05/2017 19:48

We eat together but different foods. It works for us. I like fish and rice and salads. DH is meat and 4 or 5 veg.

ElisavetaFartsonira · 02/05/2017 19:49

Sounds alright OP.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2017 19:50

'I am agog at how many people are making the DH's food the OP's problem.'

And how different the responses would be if it were the OP who got home at 5 and not 7, how this means she could whip up full, healthy meals from scratch. But nary a mention of his doing this for her.

Original poster
NapQueen · 02/05/2017 19:51

Yet another bloody good point Expat want to move in and ill send dh to live with your lot??

OP posts:
Original poster
NapQueen · 02/05/2017 19:53

Ive mentioned to dh about cooking healthier and said if he wants some, fine, Ill make enough for two, but Im not faffing. Its my food or he can sort himself.

He did a bit of a puppy dog eyes face as if Im saying he cant have chocolate Grin

OP posts:
Peanutandphoenix · 02/05/2017 20:00

You just cook what you want to eat and let DH think about himself.

Trifleorbust · 02/05/2017 20:03

I wouldn't be thrilled if my DH said I could eat the food he likes or cook my own food. I don't think that is in the spirit of compromise.

Mrstumbletap · 02/05/2017 20:14

DH and I do this at least 2 days out of 5.

So today for example I rang him on the way home at 6pm and said "just sort yourself out I want to have loads of veg and a spicey burger thing". He was more than happy to do that.

Sometimes we will eat together sometimes we won't. We do at the weekend or often go out for dinner, but I can't spend the next 40 years having the same food as him it every night it would drive me bonkers!

Plus I sometimes like to try out meat free things, new weird healthy things, he likes hotdogs, and korma from a jar and spag Bol in a can. Shock so occasionally we both quite like to do our own thing.

AngryGinger · 02/05/2017 20:23

I don't mind eating two different things, we frequently base a meal round the same thing but OH will have meat and I will have veggie or similar. I wouldn't like to not eat together though, that would seem a bit sad to me

Mysterycat23 · 02/05/2017 20:33

Not the point of the thread but feeling a bit Hmm at OP having to iron a week's worth of uniform at the weekend while DH gets away with not helping because he doesn't see the point of doing it in advance.

About the food. It's not OP's job to sort every meal. However, if DH lacks common sense as to what constitutes a healthy diet and/or refuses to see the point in healthy eating then OP has the same horrid choice I have. Which is 1. Plan and usually cook most meals or 2. Suffer unhealthy crap.

My DH is similar in that if he makes something it's invariably meat laden carbs not a balanced meal. I have lost my shit at him a couple of times because really, who wants their partner suffering from potentially fatal utterly preventable lifestyle related diseases? Eg heart disease.

OP if you think ahead to when DC are older then DH needs to improve his cooking skills now while you're the only victim guinea pig.

Bonkerz · 02/05/2017 20:34

I cook for me and kids and dh cooks for himself. He actually buys his own food. I buy for me and kids. Works for us especially cos dh is a fussy eater and eats mug later than the rest of us!

Original poster
NapQueen · 02/05/2017 20:37

Mystery dont get me wrong, he doent "not do" whats needed, he just does it when he thinks its fine to. If I asked to do the uniforms for the week, or I said Im not doin them this week its your turn, he would, and wouldnt think twice about it. But he would do it each morning, in the middle of the living room. In the middle of everyone trying to get breakfast and dressed.

OP posts: