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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To resent her youthful looks (not really serious)

54 replies

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 13:36

I've been friends with this woman for over 20 years since we were students together. We both turn 40 this year and she hasn't changed a bit. She looks like she is still in her mid twenties and not by accident as she has always been very careful about her skin sunscreen, supplements, sunglasses, special diet etc She gave up drinking booze at 18 in the mid 90s to protect her skin and wore spf way before I even knew it was a thing!

I used to laugh at her crazy ways but now the proof is in the pudding and I wish I had followed her example just a bit more often. Its a little wounding to my battered old ego to see men still eyeing her up while I slip into invisibility. Aibu to resent her just a little?

OP posts:

Flimbo · 02/05/2017 13:41

Nah you aren't unreasonable, you are normal. I would feel envious of her massively. In fact I do have a friend who emigrated straight after college and lives in a sundrenched holiday location - and she looks at least 10 years younger. I envy her looks and lifestyle. Shame she is such lovely person lol

HoneyDragon · 02/05/2017 13:42

Are you sure you're not just having a turning 40 wibble and she's manifesting your 'what if I had...' thoughts? If you've stayed friends this long I don't think you really resent her.

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 13:44

The stress free lifestyle is a big one too, my friend married very well, for love of course but she never has to worry about money and only works part time in a job she loves so lots of time to pamper herself!

OP posts:

busyboysmum · 02/05/2017 13:46

Seriously?

I'm delighted not to have men leering all over me as I head for 50. Makes life so much simpler especially as I have a very jealous husband.

I've lived the life I loved and loved the life I lived and it may show in my face but really... superficial nonsense.

Be pleased for her that she looks so lovely. It's obviously very important to her and she's made sacrifices for it.

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 13:46

Perhaps resent is too strong, I'm more mad at myself for never heeding her advice. I envy her and a couple of times when we have been out together and she is still turning heads and I'm being ignored it stings a bit.

OP posts:

UppityHumpty · 02/05/2017 13:46

It's not too late to work on yourself you know. If you're unhappy with how you look get it fixed. Even exercising and drinking more water will improve your skin!

user1491572121 · 02/05/2017 13:48

Meh I know women who've lived like nuns but still have faces like me an old leather handbag. It's mostly luck and genes OP.

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 13:49

I get that, I lived in London for a decade working hard and playing hard and my face shows it for sure. I wouldn't want to miss out on all those times and she did opt for the quiet life of no booze, no sun, no all nighters but then that's her preference anyway.

It's just no fun growing wrinkly and saggy next to her but comparison!

OP posts:

MommaGee · 02/05/2017 13:50

She's clearly a vampire or some such

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/05/2017 13:51

Well with your friend its down to the effort she's put in, so. She deserves her youthful look. She's worked damn hard to achieve it.
However sometimes its just down to luck and good genes.
Changing does not always = ageing.
I'm 41 and always get told I don't look my age. I used to hate it. I revel and wallow in it now, though.
However although I've not aged. I've totally altered to look at. Its strange.

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 13:53

I do think she has good genes her mum smoked for decades but still looks young and her dad looks no more than 50 something at 62.

What she has done though is take good genes and max them out with good lifestyle and skincare etc.

I'm sorry if it makes me a bad person but grrrr!

OP posts:

GloriaGilbert · 02/05/2017 13:54

I couldn't envy a teetotal under any circumstances. YABVVVU.

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 13:55

Well I have suspected she might be a vampire, never seen her get the sun on her directly so will have to try and catch her out with some garlic salad dressing or a bit of holy water?

OP posts:

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 13:57

Well I couldn't have done without the booze and it probably did give me the confidence to socialise and become who I am. I'd like to cut it out or down now though as it is very aging especially as you get older.

OP posts:

GloriaGilbert · 02/05/2017 13:59

Teetotalers are boring. Embrace your 40s. I'm having a whale of a good time!

UpTownFuck · 02/05/2017 14:02

If it made you feel better could you put a little bit more time into looking after yourself more water/sun screen? It's never to late to take care of yourself.

I wouldn't care about turning men's heads there's more to life than looking nice for men

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 14:04

I just think that once your face goes and at 40 mine is going that life will never be quite the same again. Looking really good is the icing on the cake imo.

OP posts:

chipsandpeas · 02/05/2017 14:04

She might have had some work done and just never told you or anyone
I'd been getting Botox for about a year before I told someone

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 14:06

I do look after myself now but ultimately there is no making up for all that old damage.

I know there are more important things than looking good for a man but it's the spice of life and it gives me that little boost I can take and use elsewhere in life.

OP posts:

floraeasy · 02/05/2017 14:08

The thing is, by the time you're both 55+ your looks will be comparable. The menopause can be very levelling!

The main thing is - are you enjoying your life to its fullest? What would you like to do that you are not doing? Get a new interest in life and you will feel younger anyway. I wouldn't give up too much of present-day life and fun trying to preserve something that will defy preservation in the long-term.

Turning forty can be a tough year. You'll be fine .

user1493022461 · 02/05/2017 14:09

I'd rather have fun than perfect skin.

It's like people who live to be a hundred odd because they never smoke or drank or married or had children and only ate vegetables or did anything ever.....wtf would you want to?

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 14:09

I know what she uses led skin light, nuface, dermaroller mostly but no Botox. She is very phobic of toxins and won't dye her hair either although she doesn't have any gray anyway. I on the other hand am probably 50% grey at 39 and I know that isn't uncommon.

OP posts:

Marvellousmarg · 02/05/2017 14:11

Lucky her, but, comparison is the thief of joy. Ignore it and move on...

Original poster

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 14:12

She is also child free. I don't have kids either but I want them if it's not too late for me.

The menopause, don't remind me! Yes it knocks the shine off us all even nigella is looking a bit ropey these days.

OP posts:

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 02/05/2017 14:12

Tee total at 18? Fuck that. And I agree with a pp that not getting harassed by men on a night out isn't the worst thing. I get what you mean though op. Wish I had been more diligent with the sunscreen too.

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