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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent her youthful looks (not really serious)

54 replies

lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 13:36

I've been friends with this woman for over 20 years since we were students together. We both turn 40 this year and she hasn't changed a bit. She looks like she is still in her mid twenties and not by accident as she has always been very careful about her skin sunscreen, supplements, sunglasses, special diet etc She gave up drinking booze at 18 in the mid 90s to protect her skin and wore spf way before I even knew it was a thing!

I used to laugh at her crazy ways but now the proof is in the pudding and I wish I had followed her example just a bit more often. Its a little wounding to my battered old ego to see men still eyeing her up while I slip into invisibility. Aibu to resent her just a little?

OP posts:
MommaGee · 02/05/2017 14:14

OP the true test is has she ever walked into your house uninvited or do you have to give express permission

floraeasy · 02/05/2017 14:17

If you can afford it, treat yourself to a Big Makeover. Look at microdermabrasion or whatever it's called. That can help with damaged skin. Get everything overhauled - hair, make-up, wardrobe.

Then accept this is the way you are going to look now.

Start revving up your life in ways that have nothing to do with looks.

Here's a present Flowers

AnnieAnoniMouse · 02/05/2017 14:17

If you were both to die tomorrow, who do you think would have the most regrets? We are given our bodies to use & enjoy, not preserve. Live life to the full.

...but at the same time, I totally understand how you feel & of course you're allowed to feel a bit unhappy & pissed off!

SwearingMakesEverythingBetter · 02/05/2017 14:17

Think of all the lovely glasses of wine she hasn't had. Looks aren't every thing you know.

And have you asked if she has a portrait of herself in the attic at all?

user1489179512 · 02/05/2017 14:18

Drinking and smoking are not compulsory. You reap what you sow.

floraeasy · 02/05/2017 14:19

Don't want to sound bitchy and maybe your friend has hidden depths you haven't mentioned yet, but the impression I've got of her so far from your posts is she hasn't done anything in particular apart from incessantly renovate herself Grin

ijustwannadance · 02/05/2017 14:28

Check if she has a self portrait in the attic.

I always looked young for my age. Until I had a child. Nothing ages you like no sleep for prolonged periods.
It's great your friend has taken great care of her skin. If I went back 20 years though, i'd still rather mis-spend my youth all over again than be that arsed about my face.

Areyoufree · 02/05/2017 14:29

I hate the 'teetotallers are boring' mentality. I quit drinking young, but it never stopped me from partying. In fact, I claim that the fact I wasn't drinking meant I was more hard core than those who were. I was doing everything that they were doing, but didn't have to be drunk to do it.

Original poster
lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 14:33

She's has has a 1st class degree and a masters. She has a creative career and does well but on her own terms. She doesn't like to take on too much work.

OP posts:
Original poster
lemongingercake · 02/05/2017 14:34

She must be up to some voodoo, I know she believes is some pretty woo stuff like visualisation so who knows.

OP posts:
toffeeboffin · 02/05/2017 14:35

Is she also fictitious?

Gingernaut · 02/05/2017 14:36

You can bet that she's looking at photos of herself taken 20 years ago and thinking "Oh God! I look sooooo old!"

Either that, or she has a magical painting in the attic, growing old instead of her. Grin

Goatfucker · 02/05/2017 14:36

lemongingercake you surely can't be menopausal at age 40?
Maybe when you are 50...

floraeasy · 02/05/2017 14:36

Do you have some common ground that you meet on? Do you share any interests? Just wondering how you two have had a friendship going for 20 years. Do you do anything together?

Chloe84 · 02/05/2017 14:37

Teetotalers are boring.

Hmm Well this is rude. Sad that you can only quell boredom with alcohol.

floraeasy · 02/05/2017 14:39

You can be menopausal/have premature ovarian failure at any age if you are extremely unlucky - even your early twenties (though rare). The average age is 50-53 years and the peri-menopause can start around 10 years before that.

Heading that way myself Grin.

DeadGood · 02/05/2017 14:41

"the impression I've got of her so far from your posts is she hasn't done anything in particular apart from incessantly renovate herself"

Bit of a leap flora

pocketsaviour · 02/05/2017 14:41

It's genetics. I'm 44 and can pass for late twenties without any question.

I have never used an anti-aging cream, a moisturiser, I don't wear sunscreen on my face, I do use sunglasses as otherwise I can't see properly! I have fallen into bed still wearing make up at least 50% of the time. All my makeup removers/toners/facewipes are from the supermarket. I did give up smoking 10 years ago but still drink merrily.

So you can be as envious as you like, but it's unlikely to be down to anything more than the luck of the genetic draw.

MargotLovedTom1 · 02/05/2017 14:42

I wouldn't swap all the cracking nights out (and in) I've had over the years for a flawless visage. No way! I've burnt the candle at both ends but had a good laugh doing it. I think the child free aspect can't be underestimated either - I have three DC and they have aged me by decades Grin.

Ceto · 02/05/2017 14:43

She's had 20 years on a boring diet with no alcohol, and has wasted a substantial portion of those 20 years rubbing cream into her skin. I can't think of anything more boring. Would you really want to do that? And people of 40 never do look 20, no matter how good their skin is.

sparechange · 02/05/2017 14:43

It's a variation on 'who wants to be the richest person in the graveyard' in my opinion...

Looks are ALWAYS going to fade eventually. So then she'll be left with an old face and no fun memories after having a really boring life.

Why are a few extra years of not-many-wrinkles so important that you'd sacrifice decades of fun to achieve them? Nein danke

floraeasy · 02/05/2017 14:44

Bit of a leap flora

Absolutely a leap, but based on the information available.

OP has since updated and I see the woman in question has been more productive than I first realised.

So I stand corrected Wink.

User2468 · 02/05/2017 14:46

It's ok, I look really young for my age but NEVER get eyed up by anyone other than DH, who also looks young for his age.

It's actually really frustrating when people seem shocked that we own our business, our home and are married with children! I feel quite judged sometimes.

floraeasy · 02/05/2017 14:47

The DM regularly runs articles with women who claim to look 20 years younger than they are/younger than their own daughters. Think Samantha Brick.... They never, ever do, of course. Granted, they look well-preserved, but that's about as far as it goes.

I think you're just having a wobble, OP, because you are forty this year. You don't have the personality to do what your friend did - it's obviously not the way you think, so don't sweat it now. I was a live-for-today type myself. So carry on in that vein and find something else to get enthused about.

TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin · 02/05/2017 14:50

"Once your face goes"

"Even nigella is looking ropey these days".

Theres more to life than youthful looks. Or there should be

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