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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore the letter I've received from the hospital?

358 replies

Frillyhorseyknickers · 01/05/2017 19:08

After my 12 week scan I booked an appointment with the reception for my 20 week scan, for tomorrow.

We've just come home from bank holiday away and I received a letter either Friday or Saturday stating a different day (the day after) for my scan.

I was really miffed because I'd been looking forward to my scan (first pregnancy) and my diary is full now for the next few weeks. I had kept tomorrow afternoon free for the scan, but otherwise I am between four offices and I can't just free up a few hours at short notice.

My DH says we should go to the appointment tomorrow as booked and just discard the letter and deny all knowledge of it.

I feel really bad about doing that as it's NHS and they are obviously busy. DHs point is that we booked the appointment weeks ago, they have given us less than one working day's notice of the change and they are taking the piss.

WIBU to just turn up to the appointment I had arranged prior to this letter?

OP posts:
Fruitbat1980 · 01/05/2017 20:44

FML. YABU. If you can't free up one day for an appointment between now and end of May how are you going to accommodate actually having a baby?
You need to call them, rearrange and appointment a week later or so and rearrange diary around it. 20 week scan is very important as they check for major defects and issues- which at the very least let a medical team be ready for what if anything (god forbid) they might prepare for at birth. I speak as a complete workaholic who knows what a stressful job is, and working away, and even I didn't miss any necessary appointments. You need to have a word with yourself.

Wolfiefan · 01/05/2017 20:48

Yep have RTFT and that is precisely the impression I have.
Appointments have to be cancelled and rearranged. That happens.
Not sure how you want the NHS to be restructured so this never happens to you.

Viviennemary · 01/05/2017 20:50

I'd feel tempted to ignore the letter. They are the ones messing you about by changing the date. But of course folk are right in that you might have a wasted journey if you can't be fitted in. Phone up and see if you can't get a more convenient time. Perhaps a cancellation. I sympathise. The great NHS of which we are supposed to be so grateful and proud. It's the pits.

OhTheRoses · 01/05/2017 20:50

Actually wolfie I had it happen 20 years ago for dd's 20 week scan - arrived for the apt with DH because they hadn't even bothered to cancel an apt made 8 weeks before. You know why they couldn't do it? Because the specialist consultant sonographer was on the middle of a two week holiday. Not therefore because of an emergency.
They then refused to rearrange when DH could attend and come with me. Know why I was seeing the consultant? Because at the previous 20 week scan my baby had significant life threatening heart defects.

This was when Tony Blair was PM, when things weren't supposed to be so bad. These things happen and still happen because of a jobsworth system that too often has zero respect for the time of the patient who indirectly funds the service. I truly believe it has more to do with a dysfunctional culture than with resources.

beargrass · 01/05/2017 20:50

So...the best way of cancelling appointments is by letter? Right. Did I open a door to the past?

Original poster
Frillyhorseyknickers · 01/05/2017 20:51

FML. YABU. If you can't free up one day for an appointment between now and end of May how are you going to accommodate actually having a baby?

Well, I will be on maternity leave, so I will have handed all of my client work over to colleagues, diverted all of my work phones to my secretary and put my out of office on for the year. So it wouldn't be an issue?

As it stands, I'm still working and I still have a full calendar. I had arranged it around an appointment which was perhaps naieve - I haven't previously used the NHS before this pregnancy, apologies for not appreciating that appointments mean nothing and are cancelled at a moments notice - in my profession that simply does not happen.

As I've said, if they can't accommodate when I speak to them tomorrow, I will go privately - I won't be going without a 20 week scan.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 01/05/2017 20:52

And what if you were away on holiday or were a teacher on a residential trip and really couldn't take the appointment?

Seriously you'd not be pissed off at dinding out about this with no chance to rearrange anything when they had clearly known with enough more to allow you to do something?

I don't believe that for a second

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/05/2017 20:53

Enough notice

BackforGood · 01/05/2017 20:55

YANBU to be a bit annoyed / frustrated.
YwouldhaveBU to just turn up as asked in the title / OP - but have since agreed you are not going to.

The NHS don't cancel appts. for fun, or just to annoy people - there will be a good reason why it has happened. Ringing in the morning to check the situation has to be the best course of action.

I am fairly surprised at the number of people who don't understand that, in many jobs it really isn't an option to just cancel appts at the last minute for non-emergency reasons though.

Original poster
Frillyhorseyknickers · 01/05/2017 20:57

Wolfiefan

I don't - as I've stated (in my previous responses) I hadn't previously used the NHS and I hadn't appreciated that this is how's things operate- I will go private.

However - I'm incredibly lucky that I'm in a position to have private healthcare and afford to have private scans etc. If I were on a low income and had similar work/childcare commitments and couldn't afford to go private, presumably I'd just have to suck it up and rearrange at my own expense? That doesn't seem fair?

OP posts:
beargrass · 01/05/2017 21:00

But will there be a good reason? I've had two letters for an appointment for DC. One at 1pm, another at 2pm. Same day. No explanation of discrepancy. When I called to try and change it originally, I was told no, this is when those appointments are. Letter also does not say it's been changed for X reason.

I will and do defend the NHS, and all public services. But all other public services have moved away from this style of doing things. And lots of the 'passengers' who refuse to help and can't tell the time have been given their P45s. The NHS needs to wake up. It's exactly this kind of shit that's being used to cause people to question it in the way its detractors want us to.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/05/2017 21:05

Sorry the NHS has been a bit crap. Sadly these's no redundancy in the system, so it just takes one hiccup and things get cancelled. Often it was someone like me having to cancel a clinic due to lack of staff. It's horrible to do and causes a knock on effect as we'd need to get those patients back in, it's therefore not done lightly as we usually have no where to put those cancelled patients and no space or staff to run extra clinics.

Sadly, as you've found out, booking an appointment doesn't guarantee it won't be cancelled and you often find out via the post! I would try to ring my patients if they were as short notice as you, but it isn't always possible.

Definitely do call, even if it's just to cancel the new appointment because you can't attend. Lots of thoughts to you for an uneventful 20wk scan, I hope it goes really well for you.

eurochick · 01/05/2017 21:05

I had a private 20 week scan at the Foetal Medicine Centre in London. They were absolutely fantastic. If you can afford it I would highly recommend going there when you are in London.

Original poster
Frillyhorseyknickers · 01/05/2017 21:07

Thank you for everyone's input. Smile if a reason is given when I call tomorrow, I will be sure to update this thread. I'm off to bed with a bad case of heartburn and hopefully one way or another I can get an anomaly scan somewhere at some point this week and hopefully fingers crossed it will be ok.

Nighty

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 01/05/2017 21:14

OP, I would check that in the case of a problem being picked up in the private scan you will not be expected to have continuing care in the private sector. I understand your frustration but you have to realise that the NHS prioritises patients on their clinical need not their wealth or employment status. If a 15 year-old has to be prioritised over you that is what will be done. Having said that, a friend of ours (by coincidence also a surveyor) gave birth at 22/23 weeks and both she and her DD received wonderful care on the NHS.

Theweasleytwins · 01/05/2017 21:20

We were sent a letter for the 18 week scan (twins so lots of scans) when we turned up with DM and Mil they had no record of our appointment 🙄they managed to get us an appointment later that day at another hospital

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/05/2017 21:21

It's not unreasonable however to think that if a letter is posted on a Wednesday or Thursday. That it's not going to arrive til Friday or saturday.

If the lines are open the usual 9-5 or 9-6 mon-fri and post arrives late morning early afternoon then realistically that letter is not going to be received in time for a person to make any kind of enquiry.or rearrange the appointment. In this case there's a bank holiday too.

If theyd have called op woulda known by Thursday.

There's no denying it's shit

OhTheRoses · 01/05/2017 21:22

LadyLapsang this isn't about prioritising clinical need, it's about cancelling a clinic at short notice.

Goldfishjane · 01/05/2017 21:25

I love the nhs and I'm sure they have good reason for doing this
However, I'm a bit thrown that they aren't using post or phone where possible
My mum had a change of appt sent by post so we were there on the day that was cancelled and the letter appeared the day after...

Goldfishjane · 01/05/2017 21:27

*email or phone I mean!
I need to go to bed....!

Cyclingforcake · 01/05/2017 21:28

I work for the NHS and I think you are YANBU. It is unacceptable to rearrange appointments with less than one working days notice by post and expect people to drop everything to attend them. It might be acceptable after a telephone call and an explanation. Especially when they've been booked months ago. I would put money on this being a clerical error though so I would call them first thing in the morning - there will probably be someone there from 8am and explain. I bet they'll fit you in.

Benedikte2 · 01/05/2017 21:30

Good luck frilly. Hope all goes well getting the scan and you enjoy seeing your baby

Wolfiefan · 01/05/2017 21:31

Good luck for your scan OP. I hope you get it soon and all is well.

AntiGrinch · 01/05/2017 21:35

I was like you before I had dcs (and still am some of the time) - thinking every piece of time could be properly and efficiently used and that you can't take whole days off for appointments that take 5 mins, etc.

It's not real life. Seeing medical people takes up far more time than the appointment. you have to accept this. What will you do when the baby needs to see a dr? Complain that she doesn't have bronchiolitis on the days when you are at your home office?

Try to think (I know, it's hard) - try to think like a ligger for a minute. "Oooh great I have a legit appointment that will mean I can't do any work for the whole day". Unwind. Put your feet up. Blame the NHS.

you can't have kids and be like you are, and like I was. I am still trying to be like it and close to burning out a lot. Nature (and the NHS) creates spaces for a reason.

TheQuestingVole · 01/05/2017 21:39

OP I don't think yabu to be put out by this. How do they know a patient hasn't already arranged and paid for stuff like transport or childcare, or arranged cover for caring for disabled relatives? Rearranging appts at such short notice would mean massive expense and inconvenience for some people.

I really don't like that we are getting to a place where having NHS treatment means accepting lowest-common-denominator standards of administrative professionalism. I think we have every right to expect a bit better than this.