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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re asking about paying for party?

79 replies

clary · 01/05/2017 18:02

DD's friend is having a brunch at some restaurant for her 16th party.

Last year the same girl invited DD and a group of girls to eat at a local all you can eat place for her birthday. It costs £14, so not cheap, but good value I guess as it includes all courses (£2 extra for unlimited pop).

When DH dropped her off she (DD I mean) said oh by the way I need the £14 to pay for the food! Not sure how long she had known about this, but I was annoyed. If you invite to a party surely you pay?

So WIBU when I asked DD to check with friend this time if friend's mum was paying for the brunch or would we have to cough up? Because if we do, I'm not sure I am going to shell out for a present too

OP posts:

Soyamilkisniceintea · 01/05/2017 18:02

It's not really a party though - it's a meal out.

SmitheringSmithison · 01/05/2017 18:04

It's a meal out, not a party.

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2017 18:04

How could checking with the friend be unreasonable in any way?

Cakescakescakes · 01/05/2017 18:05

It's not a party I agree. By the time you get to that age it's more a group activity and I'd expect everyone to pay for themselves.

Underthemoonlight · 01/05/2017 18:05

Yabu It isn't a proper party though is it, it's a meal out at restaurant. We did this for my 16th almost 14years ago and my friends came. We all paid for our own meals and drinks, no parents were there and no balloons. Many people who arrange a meal out for a birthday don't pick up the bill, or only tends to be if a place has been hired out and then food is provided.

Darkblueskies · 01/05/2017 18:06

I think this is normal at this age.

JustAKitten · 01/05/2017 18:06

It's a meal out. You'd expect to pay for it.

Original poster

clary · 01/05/2017 18:06

But surely if that is the party... if all the girls decide to go out for pizza to celebrate end of GCSEs, then they will each pay, that's a bit different.

For DD's birthday last year we took some of her friends to a local pub for burgers and pizza, we paid. If she had wanted to go bowling at £10 a head, or to the cinema and then to Pizza Express, we would have paid for that too. I don't really see the difference tbh. Just that they are a bit more grown up so don't want to do laserquest and chicken dippers.

Interesting to get the opinions tho, maybe I am off target on this one.

OP posts:

HeyCat · 01/05/2017 18:08

At that age it's just a celebration meal out, not really a party, and I would assume everybody pays for themselves (and possibly chips in for the birthday girls meal as well).

I've never assumed that the person who suggests a meal out would be paying for it, I find that very strange.

But it does seem to be a topic that divides people so yanbu to just ask.

Original poster

clary · 01/05/2017 18:08

OK well if we pay then fair enough, that's how it goes.

I was wondering if it was U to ask as I feel a bit mean about it somehow. That was the only party last year we had to pay for - bowling and sleepovers with Dominos etc were all funded by the parents. Looks like we missed a trick then for DD's 15th!!

OP posts:

JustAKitten · 01/05/2017 18:08

It's unrealistic to expect the party thrower to pay. They're 16, so can't pay themselves and surely you don't expect her parents to pay for everyone?

I expect to pay when going to bowling/cinema/party and I'd expect to pay for my kids

Iamastonished · 01/05/2017 18:09

When DD was in year 11 she went out on a number meals out for 16th birthdays. It was always made clear that each person paid for themselves, and I don't think this is unreasonable. The invitations weren't extended as party invitations, but "come and join me for a meal to celebrate my birthday".

Also, at 16 they didn't bother with presents, just their presence.

doughnutcraver · 01/05/2017 18:09

This is what dd and her mates usually do. They have a meal out with friends that each pay their own way and usually have a family meal/gathering that parents pay for. Obviously they would like friends to come but I know my dd has said she is skint a few times and hasn't gone to a few.
Now they are older they go to pubs/clubs

Underthemoonlight · 01/05/2017 18:09

Your definitely off the mark op. They are becoming young adults and wanting to go out and have dinner together and celebrate a friends birthday away from adults. A party would suggest room hire,DJ, decorations, family present and food. This is not the case.

LedaP · 01/05/2017 18:09

I think at that age and it being a meal out. I would expect dd to pay for her own (or rather we give her the money, most probably).

Dd probably knew and just didnt say until last minute. Maybe you shoukd be annoyed at her for springing it on you.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 01/05/2017 18:10

At 16 I would be excepting everyone to pay for themselves to be honest, if you went out with a group for dinner with your friends for your birthday would you pay for everyone? You could ask if you wanted to although I don't see how it would be different to last year

PhyllisNights · 01/05/2017 18:10

It's a difficult one. When I had birthday's, I would usually pay for hiring out a venue which may include a limit on drinks and food. However, if you're going out for a meal, it should be expected that you pay for what you eat & drink.

NewIdeasToday · 01/05/2017 18:10

I'd agree that by that age it's more often a meal out where everyone pays for themselves than a kids party where the birthday parents pay the whole bill.

Meekonsandwich · 01/05/2017 18:10

At that age, some of them will have jobs and won't have any financial input from their parents so i think it's entirely reasonable to get together and pay for your own meal, as an adult, I wouldn't expect to pay for every body if they came for a meal for my birthday,

Some times its the only way to get all your friends together as many people couldn't afford to pay for everyone.

LedaP · 01/05/2017 18:11

Actually a sleepover with dominos i would pay for everyone.

I let dd invite them over. I would need to feed them anyway.

LedaP · 01/05/2017 18:11

And bowling is a party.

Underthemoonlight · 01/05/2017 18:12

Sleepovers are slightly different to going out for dinner as a group of young girls op they are remotely comparable

Original poster

clary · 01/05/2017 18:12

"I expect to pay when going to bowling/cinema/party and I'd expect to pay for my kids" - really? What you get an invite then send your child with £10 to pay for it?

Wow. I am clearly a fool, I paid out for DS2's paintballing the other week with two friends, didn't really feel I could ask them to come to mark his birthday and then present them with a £30 bill each!

This was last year in year 10 btw so they were 15, and in some cases 14, not 16 at all.

OP posts:

PUGaLUGS · 01/05/2017 18:13

I would expect to pay at this age tbh.

Dahlietta · 01/05/2017 18:13

I agree it's about moving into adulthood, rather than childhood parties. If one of my friends invited me for a meal to celebrate their birthday, I would not expect them to pay for everyone.

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