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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re asking about paying for party?

79 replies

clary · 01/05/2017 18:02

DD's friend is having a brunch at some restaurant for her 16th party.

Last year the same girl invited DD and a group of girls to eat at a local all you can eat place for her birthday. It costs £14, so not cheap, but good value I guess as it includes all courses (£2 extra for unlimited pop).

When DH dropped her off she (DD I mean) said oh by the way I need the £14 to pay for the food! Not sure how long she had known about this, but I was annoyed. If you invite to a party surely you pay?

So WIBU when I asked DD to check with friend this time if friend's mum was paying for the brunch or would we have to cough up? Because if we do, I'm not sure I am going to shell out for a present too Hmm

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 01/05/2017 18:13

I also think there's a big transition from 15th to 16th years old and they start becoming more independent and wanting to do more grow up activities.

LedaP · 01/05/2017 18:15

Going for a meal out is massively different to the parents organising an activity.

If the parents have organised an activity its a party.

Original poster
clary · 01/05/2017 18:15

Sorry when I said "this was last year" I meant DD's all you can eat one. She was 14 and had a paper round but nt really financially self sufficient Grin.

Honestly tho I am surprised, anyway it sounds like a much better idea than a sleepover with £££ of dominos from me, this was I have no mess, no fuss, no cake to make and no spending! I have been a fool!!

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 01/05/2017 18:16

Everyone: yabu

Op: really I just wouldn't expect to pay

Everyone: sigh

thisiswhatdreamsaremadeof · 01/05/2017 18:17

Hardly a party, it's a meal out. It's not like they're 10 having a McDonald's or bowling party. Hmm

R2G · 01/05/2017 18:18

Does it really matter?

Iamastonished · 01/05/2017 18:18

clary it was only two friends. Last year DD's friendship group had about 12 people in it so paying for a meal out would have been very expensive. 16th birthdays are very different from younger birthdays.

Original poster
clary · 01/05/2017 18:18

Uuurrm no that's not what I said!! How rude. What I said was wow, I am missing a trick paying for DD's parties and I reckon this is the way forward as it involves me in zero outlay and no hassle either.

"OK well if we pay then fair enough, that's how it goes." That's a quote from me.

OP posts:
Iamastonished · 01/05/2017 18:20

Underthemoonlight I think you are being unrealistic. Do you have 16+ year olds?

Iamastonished · 01/05/2017 18:21

Sorry, I didn't mean to appear rude.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 01/05/2017 18:21

What you need to make sure op is that you stay out of any arrangements. Your dd saying to her friends "Do you want to go for pizza on Saturday for birthday" - means everyone pays for themselves, you texting parents means its more of a party invite so you pay. Equally if your dd and her friends go alone everyone pays for their own but if you go, I.e. "We took dd and her friends to the pub for dinner" then you pay if you go. That's in my world anyway Grin

Original poster
clary · 01/05/2017 18:22

My last post was directed to underthemoonlight suggesting I had ignored all the answers saying I was wrong by the way

OP posts:
Original poster
clary · 01/05/2017 18:23

Sorry so not you Iamastonished Grin

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 01/05/2017 18:24

I think it's different when it's an activity like paint balling or bowling or whatever, but a meal out, just the friends I would expect my child to pay unless it was the parents asking one or two friends along

Iwantacampervan · 01/05/2017 18:28

My daughters and friends (from 15 onwards) have tended to go out for meals for birthdays minus adults. Everyone pays for their own so it means a spread of payments over the year rather than one expensive party.

SuperFlyHigh · 01/05/2017 18:29

You pay for yourself...

Iamastonished · 01/05/2017 18:31

"you texting parents means its more of a party invite"

At 16 you wouldn't even know the parents of your child's friends anyway, let alone have their mobile numbers.

Oblomov17 · 01/05/2017 18:36

I expect to pay for a party, no matter what the secondary school age. A meal out/get together is different to a party.

I tell ds how many friends he can invite, based on what he wants to do, and the cost. If he chooses Nando's, I tell him how e many he can invite. I have always and always will pay for all costs for Birthday.

Luncharmstrong · 01/05/2017 18:39

Op I would have thought the same as you !
Guess we are both wrong Grin

NotNyusualName · 01/05/2017 18:40

Actually I'm sort of with the OP here. My DD will be 16 in summer and I am quite prepared to pay for her and up to 6 mates to go out for a meal. It would be a damn sight cheaper than throwing a party for all of her chums. Conversely when she if going out next month for a meal with some friends to celebrate another girl's 16th I would not be offended if DD had to pay for herself, I realise not everybody thinks like me and that they may consider it to be just joining them for a meal. Somebody mentioned that as an adult if you went out for a meal with mates you would all pay for yourself, well not in my family ;if it is to celebrate a birthday or anniversary I would expect to pay as the host.

Elledouble · 01/05/2017 18:43

I think you're crossing more into grown-up birthday dos here. I can't even remember what I did for my 16th, but I remember going out for dinner for someone else's 16th (or possibly 17th) at a nice restaurant. We all paid for ourselves and I can even still tell you what I had (spinach and ricotta pancakes!) - we felt so grown-up!

Cakescakescakes · 01/05/2017 18:43

14 and 16 are pretty different I think.

Original poster
clary · 01/05/2017 18:45

Thanks for input all; looks like most people expect to pay. On that basis I guess IABU in asking Dd to ask her friend... Maybe I could just get her to text checking prices so she knows how much to bring!

Oh and saves me buying a prezzie too. Win win then.

OP posts:
Elledouble · 01/05/2017 18:50

Erm... I would still get a present Hmm although at 16 I'd probably at least have contributed myself.

Would you not get a present for a friend on their birthday if they hadn't bought you dinner?

Silky77 · 01/05/2017 18:55

For a birthday I'd expect the hostess or her parents to pay. It's a lot cheaper for them than throwing a 'sweet sixteen' party. I don't understand inviting people out to eat and asking them to pay - It doesn't capture the spirit of celebration.

Teens organising a regular trip to the likes of Nando's is another matter, and it's usually understood that for everyday get-togethers everyone should pay for their own meal. Not when it's a birthday treat though.