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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to come home straight after work?

76 replies

user1493216442 · 01/05/2017 16:19

DP and I have 1 DD.

I have PCOS and currently having a cyst rupture, extremely painful and I've struggled to move much all day. DD as been with my parents, only getting back an hour ago. I'm struggling to keep up with her already. DP is at work and knows all this and knows I was up nearly all night.

This rarely happens so when it does it knocks me for six.

DP is finishing work an hour early today (being a bank holiday) and he told me this morning he'll come straight home to help with DD. Now he's messaged me to say he's going for a drive after work and will be back around 30 mins after DD's bedtime. Leaving everything to me - as usual.

I do everything for DD, and DP. I know he's been at work all day and it doesn't normally bother me if he goes out for a drive or whatever, he works damn hard and he needs time to relax.

I just thought considering he knows how much pain I'm in, and 3-4 times today he's suggested to me to go to the GP, asked how I'm coping with DD, that he'd come home straight after work and help me out with our DD.

Aibu or am I being a selfish ass?

OP posts:
AmserGwin · 01/05/2017 17:34

YANBU! He should come home. The going for a drive for no reason would annoy me too, what a waste of petrol

Parker231 · 01/05/2017 17:37

You don't get downtime after work when you have DC's - you come home and parent your children!

Mermaidinthesea123 · 01/05/2017 17:40

This is totally bizarre! "Going for a drive"? I'm stressed all day to the max working in the NHS and even when I worked n A&E I didn't feel the need to "go for a drive" after work, all I wanted to do was come home.
He's either having an affair, or up to something else very dodgy that he can't tell you about, or can't face three kids after a days work.
That gives him no excuse whatsoever not to go straight home when you are ill.
I'd demand to know what is going on quite frankly.

Mummymoanasaurus · 01/05/2017 17:44

Tell him to take a long drive off a short pier! Selfish sulky little boy, I can't believe what I read on here sometimes. Basic human kindness is lacking in so many of these husbands and partners

zeeboo · 01/05/2017 17:45

I hope he's made up for his behaviour OP, what you're going through sounds horrible.
I am astonished by people not understanding going for a drive or motorbike ride as a recreational activity. My dh and I love to get in the car and go. When our eldest was a toddler we often used to book a sitter and just get in the car and drive with no destination in mind. We still laugh about when we went to Bournemouth and the look on our sitter and her boyfriends faces when we got home at midnight and emptied sand out of our shoes.

Serialweightwatcher · 01/05/2017 17:53

He's in a foul mood - bloody hell ...... if I were you, I'd be in the foul mood - you're in pain and doing everything and he's a selfish git!

Daydream007 · 01/05/2017 18:25

YANBU. He needs to support you more.

Squirmy65ghyg · 01/05/2017 18:28

Tell him to drive and not bother coming back. That's AWFUL.

Rugratstruggles · 01/05/2017 18:31

All the people saying going for a drive is odd, some people do! I go for a drive at least once a week, countryside, music blaring, pull over and just breath and then drive home.

But that's when I don't have a sick partner and a baby at home, that's VU

NanooCov · 01/05/2017 18:44

He's a total fanny. Don't think the ride/drive is dodgy, just incredibly selfish in the circumstances.

LindyHemming · 01/05/2017 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goingtobeawesome · 01/05/2017 19:52

That's reasonable. Near us people reverse into the viewing point so their backs are to the lovely view. That's is plain daft.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 01/05/2017 20:15

Such a shame he loves his bike more than his dw and dd.
What a twat.

FlapAttack78 · 01/05/2017 20:17

He is being unreasonable.

melj1213 · 01/05/2017 20:25

Going for a drive isn't that absurd if you're in the right place for it ...

I live in the Lake District and some days if I finish work and DD is at her dad's house I have been known to drive up the coastal roads just to be out of the house and relax before I go home ... I usually end up in one of the many little villages and sit and have a cup of tea in a little old teashop and watch the world go by for a bit too, which is a great relaxer.

As for the OP's DH, it would have been one thing if he'd said "I know I finish an hour early at 4pm today but I've had a really shit day at work so is it alright if I use that extra hour to have a quick ride to destress from today and I'll be home at 5pm?" but to go from home an hour early to back when DD's in bed is a pisstake tbh

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 01/05/2017 20:37

OP, you deserve so, so much better.

twisterinyogapants · 01/05/2017 20:44

Why is he in a bad mood ? Your in pain Confused

Oysterbabe · 01/05/2017 20:48

Yanbu. I get annoyed that DH always goes to the loo as soon as he walks in the door. Piss on company time, I need you to take the baby!

CheshireChat · 01/05/2017 23:05

Hope your DP has realised he was being a twat and that you're feeling better.

CheshireChat · 01/05/2017 23:06

Oysterbabe DP used to do this. We had words.

Original poster
user1493216442 · 02/05/2017 07:44

Thanks everyone.

After I got DD to bed, she was up at 6pm she was up and down for 2.5 hours till I just got in bed with her and she fell asleep on me (yes this caused pain). I got up to see to her in the 2.5 hours, of course.

We had words. He was annoyed because he said he just wished I'd asked him to come straight back and he's not psychic. I told him that I was annoyed because he knew I'd been in pain, he'd told me several times to go to to OOH clinic at the hospital. Not A&E. I didn't want to go because I know what the issue is and there's nothing they can do. And I'd told him I was struggling to keep up with DD - she's a firecracker!.

He said he was sorry, and was holding me whilst I was in tears due to pain. He's called his manager and taken the day off work today so he can look after DD and I can rest/ go to the doctor if I need to.

I need to go to the GP today I think, stomach is swollen even more and I'm in agony. Been up for just over 3 hours already.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1493216442 · 02/05/2017 07:45

He's not all bad. He can just be self oriented at times.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 02/05/2017 07:59

"DP is finishing work an hour early today (being a bank holiday) and he told me this morning he'll come straight home to help with DD."
He actually told you he would be coming home to help. Why on earth would you have needed to ask him?
Hope you get some rest today and feel much better for itFlowers

Wando1986 · 02/05/2017 08:02

I used to go for a drive when I'd had a shit day and wanted to clear my head. However, I know my husband's work colleagues also say the same to their wives when they go to shag their bit on the side. So he could be genuine? I guess

DeadGood · 02/05/2017 08:42

He doesn't have to be psychic to know that it's inappropriate to do what he suggested. Does he really think it's such a stretch?

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