To expect him to come home straight after work?

[user1493216442]

DP and I have 1 DD.

I have PCOS and currently having a cyst rupture, extremely painful and I've struggled to move much all day. DD as been with my parents, only getting back an hour ago. I'm struggling to keep up with her already. DP is at work and knows all this and knows I was up nearly all night.

This rarely happens so when it does it knocks me for six.

DP is finishing work an hour early today (being a bank holiday) and he told me this morning he'll come straight home to help with DD. Now he's messaged me to say he's going for a drive after work and will be back around 30 mins after DD's bedtime. Leaving everything to me - as usual.

I do everything for DD, and DP. I know he's been at work all day and it doesn't normally bother me if he goes out for a drive or whatever, he works damn hard and he needs time to relax.

I just thought considering he knows how much pain I'm in, and 3-4 times today he's suggested to me to go to the GP, asked how I'm coping with DD, that he'd come home straight after work and help me out with our DD.

Aibu or am I being a selfish ass?

What??? Tell him you need help and that he should come straight home. Where do he intend to drive to?

Maybe he's a classic car enthusiast or into off roading or something. No one just goes for a drive 😂😂😂

Possibly drive as in driving range?! Not that golf would make it remotely better. Hope you feel better OP

Tell him to come straight back, look after DD and wife and go for a drve later when everyone is fed and watered and there's nothing else he can do to help.
You would do this if he was feeling unwell.

I'd reply saying fine, go ahead but your clothes and belongings will be waiting for you on the drive upon your return. please book into a hotel and wait for the divorce papers. enjoy your drive.

YABNU - and I also want more info on "going for a drive" - it sound like a euphemism ... He sounds like an arse.

Hope you feel better soon and can get through to him what an arse he is being. Glad you have supportive parents.

Actually it just occurred to me that you're trying to avoid outing yourself by changing "ride" to "drive" aren't you?

It doesn't make him one inch less of a selfish arse but makes more sense if he commutes on a motorbike and sunny weather or a text from a friend has made him decide to go on a spontaneous ride. Fine if you were relaxed and happy and healthy but worlds away from fine when he knows you are ill and in serious pain on your own with his child!

Yes you expect him home! Tell him!
Who goes for a drive?

Um, no, YANBU and it's a bit sad that you even have to ask. Does he knock your confidence?

Is he a 17 year old? What adult with a small child goes for a drive unless it's to put said small child to sleep.
Tell him to get his arse home.

He's being a cunt. I'd message him, tell him how much you are struggling, and finish by telling him that if he thinks going for a drive is more important then he is welcome to go on a long one and never come back. Twat 😡

Yanbu, he's being a selfish dick

Going for a drive? What the actual fuck does that even mean?

He is a selfish arse, that I do understand!

@5moreminutes basically yes.

I never begrudge it, I always encourage it tbh. He needs his down time after work and it's lovely weather. I used to do the same after work.

But if he'd been home with DD and had a rough day I'd come straight home.

I'm not sure where some of you are from but in these parts it is quite normal to go off for a drive or a ride (thanks @5moreminutes ) also, I know 100% there's no funny business with it because no one else would have him! We have beautiful scenery in our parts and before DD we used to go for late night drives or rides. DD loves to go for a drive and get 'lost'. I drive (obv) and she tells me which direction to go. Usually we end up at the arse end of nowhere and have a picnic

Just wish he'd understand. Don't wish the pain on him but wish he'd understand

He's just got home.

He's in a foul mood. Great. Just great.

You need to be clear about this. Tell him you are struggling and that he needs to be here to look after his daughter because you can't.

He needs to come home and help you. Then he can fuck off out for a "drive".

I'd reply and say "why are you going for a drive today? I need you at home asap."

Let him be in a foul mood. Off you go to bed for a rest.

Keep DD up u til he gets home ?

He's in a foul mood as you've made him come home and look after his child.

He sounds like a treat, OP.

Sounds like today the drive was a way of avoiding coming home to face any extra chores or childcare.
Poor you OP.
Can you just go to bed now?
Good luck

HE'S in a foul mood? He's a cheeky fucker.

No matter how shit his day at work was he needs to suck it up to put dd to bed. Leave him to it by suggesting you talk about his day AFTER he's sorted dd.

Is DP Jeremy Clarkson, by any chance? Cheeky sod.