To want ex to cheat on his gf with me.

[MySordidCakeSecret]

I really do know IABU.. but I can't help feeling like this even though I'm trying hard to battle it. I expect to get flamed, maybe I need that, but i'd really like to just work out why I feel this way.

Ex Dp of 7 years, 2 kids. It's been a rocky breakup, lots of drama. Lots of trying again, then inevitably he lies or it all goes tits up one way or the other. Because of this I said no relationship, i want to be single i don't have the time or emotional energy to deal with any of it anymore. But we're still attracted to one another and we were doing the odd family day out, sometimes it would end up getting intimate.

Anyway, so the last time that happened was a couple weeks ago. We since had an argument or two and weren't speaking but then I had a shock the other day when this woman just appeared (he lives three doors away so I unwillingly see comings and goings) and now is appearing to practically be living there.

My gut reaction was loss, huge upset. It's ridiculous because I chose to not be with him, it was the right decision after how he has treated me. But I have an irrational desire to want him to be intimate again, express his feelings etc. I know it's wrong.

If I was to guess the reason, I think it's because he has treated me so badly with lying and cheating, that I feel really hurt as if my worst nightmare would be for him to know treat this woman really well. I almost want him to try and cheat on her (that was how his last relationship ended, him doing that) as if it will prove to me yes he is a bad person, no it's not just me.

Does that make sense? I don't want to feel this way But I really feel in so much turmoil.

*that should be now not Know.

you can do do much better than him. respect yourself to know that.

easier said than done i kniw

You're wasting to much energy &a time on him, move on, be civil, be adult and parent together and forget about his love life, you don't want him, you don't want anyone else to have him and he's proved he's a terrible partner choice for you from his behaviour, just let it go.

I do know that really. It's not that I want a relationship with him, sure I miss the good times, but he's not the person I want or need him to be. It just hurts so much seeing him kissing and being kind to this woman after everything. And I am alone.

I wish he didn't live on the same street. I can't leave my road, walk the dog or anything without passing his house. He can watch me from his window so I feel watched, his best mate lives next door to me. I don't feel like I can get away from him. I just want more than anything right now for him to want me, and ditch her.

A friend of mine had this with an ex- they have 4 kids together over the past 13 years, during that time he also had 5 other children. She couldn't resist going back even if he was in a relationship and his partner at the time was pregnant. Wish she would see the light and move on. I hope for you and your children you'll be able to. You don't need any further 'proof'- he's already treated you badly. Don't let him again, you'll be the one who ends up worse

But I wouldn't take him back as a relationship. I just feel like I would be really reassured by knowing that he's a scum bag to everyone not just me. If he did that, I would be able to relax. I know it doesn't make sense.

It's irrational but I hate this new woman and his new relationship as much as if we were together, or if he'd left me. I nearly had a breakdown on Friday.

It's not fair that he would treat her nicely, or if he is then he must be lying to her. He says she wouldn't mind him still doing family days with me and the kids, but how would she notmind if she knew we'd only had sex 2 weeks ago, he must be lying to her. And how can she suddenly appear and literally be living there? they've not gone out all weekend i don't understand.

I'm fairly confident he'll try it on with me. When he does, how can I turn it down, knowing that in fact it will do me emotional harm.

And how can you miss someone so much, and want them, after they have treated you deplorably.

Maybe it is some immaturity showing.

I don't think that there is much chance of this rat suddenly turning into the perfect partner for his next victim, so I really think that you can relax on that score. Do yourself a favour, the best revenge is living well. Look after yourself, be kind to yourself and enjoy the freedom. All the best.

Don't do it.
I can understand how you feel as I would like to do something similar except the thought of being intimate with me ex now makes me feel a bit bleugh. But I'd like to do it just to fuck up his new relationship but then I realised 'to what end?'
I don't want him back, he's going to move on at some point, I just feel sorry for his new gf because he's a narc.

Why do you live 3 doors away?

My not me!!

You need to move house

Mari my ex is a narc too. Funny you say that as it's not like I really enjoy the sex or anything. He lies so much it's ridiculous, he doesn't even bother to put any consideration into making his lies believable, but then you get treated like you're crazy for disbelieving him, like gaslighting.

My dad thinks he's being abusive and controlling still. But what if, I say, what if it's me. Maybe this is what it boils down too. I want validation that it is not me who is crazy and controlling etc, but it is him who is the problem and I was right to not trust him and end things. Because I find it hard to be alone. I want to know that it is necessary.

Although it's a dangerous game because if i get too involved or emotionally attached again then we will have to go through the whole routine of "trying" and it spectacularly crashing and burning for the 20th time!!

crunchymum he lives three doors down because when I split up with him that's where he moved. It's silly, it's a giant house, 3 bedrooms and a fortune in rent just for one person.

He went through an obsessive phase for a while and i know for a fact he was watching my house. My dad again thinks this is part of his control tactics, he likes to watch me and not let me get away from him.

But if that's true then why's this woman practically moved in! He's lied to one of us. And i'm scared he's going to introduce our children too soon. I can't drive to anywhere without passing that house and being anxious one or both are going to come out and see me.

If I had the money I would move tomorrow. Unfortunately, as it is i'm stuck here.

I hate my situation