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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how to deal with parenting peer pressure?!

81 replies

Karrot · 30/04/2017 00:18

Im actually just wondering what anyone else does in this situation. Totally minor example. We were at a bbq with family friends. They served some lovely, icing-laden cake for dessert. My DD (5) had one piece and asked if she could have some more. I said no, as she'd already had some chocolate that day and we're fairly strict on sugar usually.

Some of the other kids had more than one piece, which my DD wasn't happy about and kept pointing out that X and Y had had been allowed more cake and it wasn't fair. I can see her point, it wasnt fair, but equally, I don't want to give her the idea that I will cave on everything just because someones else's parent had a different opinion to me...I stuck to my guns for that reason (rather than the cake issue in itself!) but it did seem a bit unfair.

Same thing when we went to leave, some of the other families were staying later but my DD was exhausted after a busy few days (and it was an hour after she usually goes to bed, so I wasnt being that mean!)- but she couldn't understand why it was ok for them to stay, but not her...

What does anyone else do in this kind of situation? It's not like you can say "Well, soandso's mum clearly doesn't care that he gets diabetes/spend tomorrow totally exhausted... but that's why I said no to you...!" That isn't even the point, anyway...it's more if you make a decision, how do you stick to it even if other parents are doing sonething different?

OP posts:
Geevis · 30/04/2017 12:06

If we go to a party or bbq or out for the day with other people I prepare them first by explaining when we're there other people's parents have different rules so someone might be able to do different things or have different things to you. When we go out somewhere nice it's a treat and we have to stick to mums rules. Then it's not such a big deal when you say it when you're there. I do think children need to understand just because someone else is doing something it doesn't automatically mean they can.

user1491326393 · 30/04/2017 12:43

Op this is AIBU. You will get some people disagreeing with you!! You don't seem to think you are B U at all you seem to just want people to agree with you.

ScarlettFreestone · 30/04/2017 14:06

A previous poster (apologies can't remember who) said that when you declined the cake "all eyes were already on you". In my experience that's not true.

People don't really care how you parent your child as long as said child isn't throwing a tantrum or trashing the place.

The fact that you said no to cake has no bearing at all on whether anyone else should say no to their own child.

And they weren't judging you for saying "no", they probably either didn't notice or didn't care.

Personally I take no notice at all of what other people allow in making decisions about my kids. I'm quite happy to be different if I think it's the right decision.

motherofdaemons · 30/04/2017 14:41

I would just say 'I'm sorry my darling, but the answer is no to X Y Z for this reason, I'm sorry if that seems unfair but that's my answer.' If they keep nagging, I ignore them!

FWIW DD1 bugs me for sugar all day every day, it gets on my tits hugely and I am more inclined to limit the amount she has because she's so obsessed with it, so I'd also say no to more cake.

BrexitSucks · 30/04/2017 17:16

Some unkind comments towards OP. :(

I suppose in that situation I have a few stock strategies:

  1. they need to eat a good portion of savouries first. Then I don't worry about whatever sweets that follow.

  2. "I don't care what that other child had, but YOU shouldn't have any more. You had a nice lovely piece already."

  3. "Not everyone has had a chance to get a piece yet & it's impolite to take a piece if someone else still wants to try it."

  4. "Here's something else nice you can have, instead."

  5. "I don't know about them staying up late, but I do know that YOU will be too tired tomorrow if you don't go home to bed So off we go."

And yes.. sometimes I change my mind. This is fine. We are modelling to them how to be flexible & change the rules in response to circumstances. Not be stuck in rigid stone.

Bellabooboo · 30/04/2017 17:45

How do you know the other kids mum isn't strict on sugar normally? That she only lets them have it when they are out and having fun?

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