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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask when is it too old to take photos of children in the bath?

82 replies

laureywilliams · 29/04/2017 22:26

In your opinion, and why?

Context is - ex has taken photo of dd (9) in bath.

I think she's too old for this. AIBU.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesWoollyHugs · 29/04/2017 23:07

She needs privacy when SHE wants privacy, she doesn't need to made to feel her Dad seeing her naked is wrong. She'll sharp let him know when SHE wants privacy.

IloveBanff · 29/04/2017 23:08

Now you've given relevant details I can't see a problem.

Original poster
laureywilliams · 29/04/2017 23:12

harder that's my concern. That if I mention it, he may dig in.

ANNIE I haven't made any trouble. I've canvassed opinions which I'm grateful for.

She does need to learn that digital photos are permanent and we all need to be very careful what images are taken of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
laureywilliams · 29/04/2017 23:17

Chipping I probably agree.

I think there are two issues for me

Her privacy (I think she'll let him know too) and I'm not overly concerned.

Taking naked photos.

Its the latter that bothers me.

OP posts:
Apachepony · 29/04/2017 23:18

Her dad took a picture of dd in coloured bubble bath to send to her mum. Showing nothing, and dd wasn't bothered. This isn't like sharing on social media, I really don't see the problem.

harderandharder2breathe · 29/04/2017 23:19

If he's likely to dig in then don't mention it.

Focus your energy on making sure DD is able to speak up for herself, when the time comes that she does feel the need for privacy.

ChippingInLovesWoollyHugs · 30/04/2017 06:09

It's her DAD taking a photo of her in the bath, why should any of you be worried about that?

Unless there is something you're not saying, I really don't see the issue here. He's not plastered it all over the internet, he's sent it to you.

But even if he had, you can see her chest. And? Girls in Europe are still just in biki bottoms at this stage of development (or lack of).

Is there more to this?

JoandMax · 30/04/2017 06:17

I can't see any issue with that at all, it's not like he took a photo and stuck in on FB for everyone to see! A photo between parents to show something wouldn't even cross my mind to be inappropriate.......

claraschu · 30/04/2017 06:20

Not all kids care about nudity. Mine don't. They still walk around nude and they are teenagers.

This doesn't sound like a problem op, and it wouldn't occur to me to be bothered.

Trifleorbust · 30/04/2017 06:30

I think it depends on the picture. I would take a photo of myself submerged in bubbles and wouldn't think twice about it. With body showing, toddler is where I would stop doing it.

HMWelsch · 30/04/2017 07:12

If she doesn't care then why do you?

This seems quite a sad situation with comments about 'alarm bells' and her father not even being able to go in the same room as her.

DoorwayToNorway · 30/04/2017 07:20

I remember having a picture taken of me and my best friend in the bath and we were about 9. There was nothing innaproriare about it. I can't remember who took it but it was probably one of her parents rather than one of mine. It didn't matter, she still has the photo. A happy childhood moment captured.

Soyamilkisniceintea · 30/04/2017 07:36

That's gross.

How can that not be inappropriate? Hmm

If my ten year old came home and said his friends parents' had taken photos of him in the bath I'd be onto the fucking police.

claraschu · 30/04/2017 07:43

People are so confused about sex and nudity. There is nothing sexual about a 9 year old washing (or anyone of any age for that matter). Only sick pedophiles see anything sexual in this.

Quartz2208 · 30/04/2017 07:46

My 8 year old made bath bombs on holiday and wanted pictures of her with it in the bath. I'm not about to post them on the internet and she was perfectly happy. Sounds like the same here she made coloured bubbles and wanted you to se them. That's it.

You may think she is too old but she doesn't. It's her choice as to when that is. As long as he is not forcing her too and the context of coloured bubbles would suggest not then it's fine

Headinthedrawer · 30/04/2017 07:47

But it's not her friends parents.It's her parents. Maybe she asked him to take a photo of her in the coloured water and send it to mummy?My 9 year old is nowhere near puberty and still wants to share a bath with her 8 year sister!When she says she wants privacy she will get it but at the moment she shows no sign of that.It totally depends on the child,the circumstances and the family.Alarm bells...good grief.

Quartz2208 · 30/04/2017 07:48

And a digital photo on a camera is not permanent it can be deleted. I've lost digital photos before that have been deleted from my phone accidentally (and tried very hard to recover)

OffRoader · 30/04/2017 08:12

I don't see the issue.

1, she's not bothered.

2, her Dad took the picture and sent it to her Mum.

3, she not 'naked' in the picture because she's covered by the coloured water Confused

If he had posted it on social media, then fair enough have a word about privacy but I can't see what he's done wrong.

DoorwayToNorway · 30/04/2017 10:28

Soyamilkisniceintea

A picture of two children with their shoulders and heads visable over the side of a bath with their faces covered in bubbles is gross.....okkkaaayy then.

Obviously I didn't go home and tell my parents because it was a non event. I don't even remember the picture being taken I just know it exists because my friend still has it. It's a great picture and far from gross. I would be concerned if my child said they'd had a picture taken in the bath too because that would suggest the event stood out in their mind. Children don't usually go around describing the scenarios where pictures were taken.

But you are equating kids bath picture with pornographic picture. THAT is gross

Soyamilkisniceintea · 30/04/2017 10:33

I'm not equating it with pornography at all.

For one thing, I think sharing a bath aged nine is odd. Sharing a bath aged nine with a friend and having parents walk in to take a photo suggests some non existent and very, very peculiar boundaries. I have a just-turned ten year old. I cannot begin to imagine a situation where he would share a bath with a friend and if he ever did, one where I would take a photograph of this event.

DoorwayToNorway · 30/04/2017 11:12

Nope no non existent or peculiar boundaries at all. Grin We got very dirty as we were not interested in playing in doors. When you stay with another adult for a week, that adult needs to step in as a parent. My friends parents and my parents did this. We were a lot more emotionally young than 9 year olds today. Also I don't think there was an endless supply of hot water in those days, especially in of country houses.

People used to baths in front of the fireplace in tin baths, in the same room that they all slept in. I guess they had "inappropriate" boundaries back then!

Soyamilkisniceintea · 30/04/2017 11:13

Very strange.

JoandMax · 30/04/2017 12:26

DS1 used to have a friend who always wanted a bath at our house as he didn't have one at home. Last sleepover before we moved they both hopped in so I took a photo to send to his mum, they would of been around 8.5 years old. Just shoulders and heads in a big bubble bath - that's not odd surely?!! We both just had a laugh about it and that was that, I would say both DC have fairly normal boundaries

AnnieAnoniMouse · 30/04/2017 13:47

It's not 'very strange' to normal people soy. Especially those of us who grew up in the late 70's. I used to have half the street in my back garden in my paddling pool in the summer, in all states of dress. Getting dressed and undressed. I have a fab photo of me & my best friend, aged 10, in the bath with bath paint on us. We are sitting in murky water due to the paint, but that was not a consideration at the time. We Did Not Care about being naked. Her parents or mine would take photos at our bequest and shock horror take the film to the shop to get them developed. So fucking what?

Dad sends a Mum photo & there's an uproar. It's just ridiculous.

Soyamilkisniceintea · 30/04/2017 13:57

It makes me feel sick that's fucking what. You don't walk round taking photographs of pre pubescent children Hmm No wonder Saville loved the 70s.