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AIBU?

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Original poster

To start deleting these wedding pics?

437 replies

JonSnowsWhore · 29/04/2017 18:48

This is soooo outing but I don't know any other way of putting it.

5 weeks ago, I did the photography for an old friends wedding. I don't have a photography business but I did photography in college as an adult so she knows I do it cheaply to help out people I know. Before this wedding I hadn't seen her for a couple of years btw & wouldn't have been close enough to be invited to the wedding which is fine.

The wedding ended up being brought forward to when I'd still be pregnant, so I asked another photography keen friend of mine if she'd come & help me out as I knew I'd struggle doing a whole day at 7 months pregnant. Said we'd split the money between us & she said great as she'd love the experience.

So we get there at 10.30am, do the getting ready photos, horse & carriage photos, go to venue & do ceremony, group & couple photos, get a break for the food, then back again for the speeches, some of the party, cutting cake & first dance, eventually leave about 8.30pm. Bride said she'd pay me by bank transfer the next day & as I know her, I was fine with that.

Sent her my bank details the next day, got an excuse that their online banking was playing up, they'd go to a branch on the Monday to pay it. Monday morning I see on Facebook that they're setting off to their honeymoon in the uk. Don't hear anything. Midweek another message, there's no English banks so they'll do it as soon as they come back from honeymoon. I'm a bit pissed off now as it's not just me going without, I'm meant to give my other friend half. Since then it's been an excuse about their car breaking down, this money issue that money issue, can she pay me half & then the other half at the end of the month (now) so I say if that's all she can do then we'll have to do that, as I felt bad that my other friend hadn't been paid yet. She never paid the half, & never replied to my message. Now it's the end of the month, 5 weeks since the wedding & we still haven't had any money.

So, WIBU to start deleting her bloody wedding photos, what should I say to her as I'm getting bloody pissed off now, at first I didn't want to demand money as she was a 'friend' & didn't want to make things awkward, but can clearly see now that she doesn't give a shit about making things awkward!

OP posts:
WarmestRegards · 30/04/2017 20:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been been removed by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

OFuckShitAndBollocks · 30/04/2017 20:57

OP what a shitty situation for you and what a crappy crappy woman!! No understanding of why someone would be such a total twat! Can you also message the groom through Facebook? He might not know that she hasn't paid? Worth a try?

Sherahhhbaby · 30/04/2017 21:30

I hope your "friend" pays up. £200 for 10 hours work for a wedding is not a lot at all. I hope you get this resolved soon as you don't need this stress being at the end of your pregnancy (something she doesn't seem to appreciate!) good luck!

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/04/2017 21:35

So she's been online since I messaged but not read my message

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 30/04/2017 21:41

She may have seen the message; it can be done. :/

EineKleine · 30/04/2017 21:43

She knows she owes you money, it is normal and human to be procrastinating/avoiding you. Give her a day or two.

chocolateworshipper · 30/04/2017 22:02

As Ewe said, it is very easy to read a message on FB without clicking on it - so the sender can't tell that you've read it

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/04/2017 22:05

Oh I've no doubt she's seen the message or at least part of it so she'll have got the jist of it

OP posts:
sparkleandsunshine · 30/04/2017 22:10

What a horrible person! Hope u get paid!

twitchypalm · 30/04/2017 22:26

Hope you get it sorted op im also a wedding tog. I am doing a very good friends wedding as a present to them as they really cant afford it. That is my choice and I offered to do it.

However they will find it very hard to find someone to edit the pictures that you have taken for them. As people don't like to do it do to copyright issues etc.

Hope you get it sorted soon op, and get what you are owed

hashtagcurious · 30/04/2017 22:39

Make sure you give her the biggest spot with a massive green head in the most awful place :).

Some friend you have there...obviously a friend when convenient. What a cow!

Hope you get your money OP! X

MrsFarm · 30/04/2017 22:44

what a b*tch. She has seen your message. £200 is a complete bargain! Definitely when she does eventually pay her and looks for her photos - you HAVE to tell her you are on maternity leave and will look into editing in 6 months! She totally deserves it. Wagon.

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/04/2017 23:02

I was definitely thinking if she leaves it much longer to pay me then I'll be on 'maternity leave' for 12 months haha

OP posts:
Lunde · 30/04/2017 23:28

She is being a PITA

She probably only contacted you in the hope you would do it for free as a "gift" to her - now that it is going to cost money she is hoping that you crack and give her the photos for free anyway.

If she does contact you but without paying you should just "auto reply" with "on maternity leave back April 2018"

OpalTears · 01/05/2017 00:09

Shitty situation, OP.

Just a thought though. Wouldn't you need an address for her to take her to small claims? I'm sure you've mentioned you don't know where she lives so how would you go about doing this?

Hope you get it sorted but it's looking more and more like she doesn't want to pay you.

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 01/05/2017 00:16

I was just thinking that too opal, no chance of me getting it either, I very much doubt our only mutual friend knows it either, I think she's in the same situation as me, would only really stop & chat if they bumped into each other. Ah well, I shall I have to forget about my money in exchange for a good old fashioned rant & rave at her instead. It'd almost be worth it to release some of my pregnancy anger haha

OP posts:
ChangelingToday · 01/05/2017 00:16

I wonder if you tell her you're going on maternity leave would it light a fire under her?

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 01/05/2017 00:20

I really don't know, she'll probably laugh though, I have nothing to go on maternity leave from haha.

Will have to just wait & see what (if any) her response is to my last message I suppose!

OP posts:
pollymere · 01/05/2017 00:23

Small Claims really doesn't cost that much and costs are paid for by the losing side. A threat is free. I've had this happen with singing at weddings. It's very tough as usually you know the people well. I think you need to state that they have to pay by x or you'll have no choice but to take it to small claims.

OpalTears · 01/05/2017 00:49

It's a shame OP.

Might be one of those things you have to put down to experience and move on (but rant as much as you like on here)!

I can't believe the way some people behave. I'd be mortified if someone had gone out of their way to help me out, which you did, at a very reasonable price and I hadn't paid them! Some people are bloody arseholes aren't they. Even more annoying that she knows you asked a friend along too who also had to suffer her wedding for 10 long hours with nothing in return.

Will be interesting to see if she replies to your latest message.

owenjonesismyhero · 01/05/2017 00:50

I'm appalled your friend has treated this way.

if she ignores you, print out pics of her and DH with faces blocked out
or with pigs heads instead tack them to trees and lamp posts with pay me emblazoned across

Friendship trashed by her anyway

OpalTears · 01/05/2017 00:52

Hope you can somehow find an address for her though. At least it gives you some ammunition if you choose to go down the small claims route.

TreadSoftly · 01/05/2017 00:59

Completely agree you should have been paid and that it sounds like she has put you at the bottom of her list of creditors, tricky working for friends but maybe go easy on her, who knows what's going on at her end and it may get you your money more quickly than ultimatums? How about just making sure she sees things from your perspective. How does this sound? Or perhaps you've written something like this before and are now past this stage? Good luck ...

Dear x, hope you had a good honeymoon and a great time with DH relaxing after such a busy time in the run up to the wedding. Sorry to hear about car trouble etc Probably the last thing you needed expenses-wise and it's just one more thing on your to-do list too. I'm sorry to add to all that but I need to pay my friend for her time, I needed a hand and was so grateful that she was there. I'll give her the first half that you owe me, ideally I'd pay her today as it's already been 5 weeks! Feeling a bit awkward about it all tbh. Can't believe where the time has gone, prob same for you with all the post-wedding stuff that needs doing. If you can pay the remainder by the end of the week then that would be ideal, I'm doing my paperwork for work and need to account for my travel costs as well as time. Plus this baby isn't hanging about and I know that I need to finish up with my work before very much longer, I need to sort everything out before I basically go on maternity leave. That will also mean I can get on with processing the pics for you. Some lovely ones of you [and the bridesmaids/your mum/your DH].

About getting the photos to you, what I normally do is [....]. I look forward to hearing what you think of them.

Here are my bank details again for ease of reference, [...]

RaqsMax · 01/05/2017 02:24

I would not delete her photos as that is questionable legally, as well as morally.
I would send her a courteous, but formal letter (signed for so that she can't say she hasn't received it) explaining that you are obligated to pay the other photographer who is pressuring you for payment.
I would give her a fortnight's deadline for full and final settlement of the money owed, and state that if payment is not received by the deadline that you will have no recourse but to take her to small claims court.
And if she doesn't pay.....start court proceedings immediately.
I would have no qualms about 'friendship'; friends don't treat each other so poorly.

Catinthecorner · 01/05/2017 03:43

You don't need a model release form- use the photos if you like.

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