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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL wants to make up after saying she's not interested in our baby.

53 replies

patronsaintofglocks · 29/04/2017 18:32

Hi. Wondering if I could ask for some advice and see if I'm being totally unreasonable.

On New Year's Eve we went out with my mother in law and had a few too many. I was wearing high heels and lost my balance, unfortunately when I fell I grabbed her arm and she fell down too. She is usually quite volatile and no longer has any friends, nor speaks with her siblings and her other son, DIL and grandson due to her this.

She insisted on a trip to A and E, although she was fine and said she wanted nothing more to do with me. A little over two weeks on, we found out I was pregnant. She said she didn't want to be involved and was openly disapproving.

It's been 5 months now and although I've reached out three times. Once with an apology gift, once to ask her if she'd like to make up and be involved with the pregnancy, and yet again offering her to come to a gender scan. She's refused all via my partner and not spoken to me. She said she 'can't get over' New Years and doesn't want anything to do with us as a family. Hurtful of course.

Now she's found out we are having a girl she wants to meet up as she 'isn't interested in her other grandson (BIL's) and is pleased it's a girl.'

After 5 months of not asking if baby and I were dead or alive, I am upset and don't want to talk to her, nor see her. Especially now she's only interested we're having a girl. Am I being totally selfish?

OP posts:

WhooooAmI24601 · 29/04/2017 18:35

Nope, she's crackers thinking that it's acceptable to blank someone for five months then initiate contact because they're having a specific gender of child. Utterly rude and you wouldn't be U at all to leave the contact at nothing and let her enjoy the fruits of her unkindness.

RandomDent · 29/04/2017 18:36

Seems fair to me. If she said she missed you all and wanted to make up, I'd say give her a chance. But she's given an odd reason and seems she's only interested in your daughter as some sort of doll.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 29/04/2017 18:36

Personally I wouldn't bother with her - however this really is your partner/husbands call. He can take the child to visit her etc if he is so inclined. You don't have to go.

You have done more than enough with the olive branches.

greeeen · 29/04/2017 18:38

The fact that she is interested in her because she is a girl would make it a no from me. What if the scan is wrong, back to ignoring you? Also ignoring BIL DS is horrible.

minniemummy0 · 29/04/2017 18:39

She "can't get over" New Years?!! I don't get it, what was your great crime?! Grabbing the nearest thing when you fall over is instinct. You had nothing to apologise for! I would want nothing to do with her if I were you.

user1491326393 · 29/04/2017 18:43

She sounds batshit. What does your poor dh think??

Emma1609 · 29/04/2017 18:56

She sounds like a cow, and a weirdo, and I'd be worried about her having any influence over my child if i was you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/04/2017 19:01

She sounds bitter and controlling. Perhaps see your drunken escapade as a blessing in disguise?

NellieFiveBellies · 29/04/2017 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoodDayToYou · 29/04/2017 19:05

She doesn't sound at all reasonable to me. I think distance is your friend here.

MrsPringles · 29/04/2017 19:05

Oh god. She sounds bananas - keep your baby well away.
I can just imagine the struggle when she's born and mil thinks that she has all sorts of rights to her. Just nope.

zen1 · 29/04/2017 19:06

I would stay no contact. She's not going to be a benign influence on your DD.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 29/04/2017 19:08

Next week text her the midwife made mistake and it's a boy. . .
Let her show her true colours then block her.
Nc all the way. .

NapQueen · 29/04/2017 19:09

Agree with the above. Anyone who can be "uninterested" in their existing grandchild, albeit to another set of parents, wouldnt be high on my list of people to introduce my child to. And someone who treat ne the way she has you wouldnt be allowed through my door.

NanooCov · 29/04/2017 19:10

I was ready to say give her a chance (and if I'm honest thought there must have been something more to the New Years incident that you hadn't mentioned, like a cross exchange of words) but her only being interested because your child is a girl is despicable and I wouldn't bother with her at all.

ollieplimsoles · 29/04/2017 19:11

It's been 5 months now and although I've reached out three times

There's your first mistake^

I mean seriously op what are you doing? Nothing happened on new years eve it was an accident. Shes unhinged and this wont be the last time she proves it.

Cut her out now. Like she wanted.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 29/04/2017 19:12

YANBU, being treated as the incubator for the golden grandchild doesn't sound appealing to me. It's going to cause trouble with your BIL/SIL when their DS gets ignored in favor of your child. Your DH may want to get on side with them to ensure they know you and your DH are not in favor of your child being the chosen one.

OneTimeintheSunshine · 29/04/2017 19:12

She sounds awful. The fact she is not interested in the grandchild she already has would be more than enough reason for me to not like her. That she is suddenly interested because she's found out you're having a girl is another massive negative. And unless you've left out major details, her reaction to the NYE thing is totally ridiculous.

What does your dh think?

Aderyn2016 · 29/04/2017 19:13

I disagree that this is your dh's call. She has treated you like crap. It's your call too. I wouldn't allow my baby to be taken to visit people who think this behaviour is acceptable, no matter who they are!

Butterymuffin · 29/04/2017 19:13

Is that really all that happened on New Year? That's a massive reaction. I can't believe you even gave her an apology gift! An apology at the time would have been plenty given that it was an accident! Better off without her around.

pardreg · 29/04/2017 19:23

Well... was it appropriate that you were so drunk? I was very involved in an incidence of inappropriate drunkenness over Christmas and a lot of people involved are very unhappy with the drunk person and it has done a lot of damage to relationships

Hisnamesblaine · 29/04/2017 19:23

Yeh was going to ask the same about NYE? Where you steaming drunk? Was she? Where you having a good night up until the point when you fell? Like buttery muffin said seems a terrible over reaction

NeegansWife · 29/04/2017 19:24

You're life is about to get a lot more complicated (and wonderful) by having a baby. You're MIL has consistently shown you who she is. You don't need crazy added into the mix.

Trb17 · 29/04/2017 19:27

Wow. Your MIL is nasty. Stay well clear.

Topseyt · 29/04/2017 19:27

She doesn't sound worth bothering with. I would certainly keep her at arms length.

Even if you do give her another chance, she will find something else to kick off about soon enough, and only wanting to be involved because you are expecting a girl is a big red flag.

The rest of her family are no contact with her for a reason.

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