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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this woman was very entitled and rude to ds - miniature train related

87 replies

theduchessstill · 29/04/2017 16:13

Have just got back from our local NT place and want to know if we were unreasonable in this situation.

It was me and my two sons. We queued for a good twenty minutes to ride on a miniature train that does a tour of the grounds. The carriages seat two so we were never going to all get in together but wanted consecutive ones so we could still talk.

We ended up being first on when our time came, so ds2 and I got in together and ds1 (10) in the next carriage. After a few minutes a woman with a baby in a sling and a toddler came along and spoke to ds1. I was talking to ds2 at the time, but the next thing I knew ds1 had got out of his carriage and was just standing on the platform and the woman had got in. I asked ds1 quite sharply what he was doing and he looked awkward. Then the woman said, "I need to be in this one as it's the last one for two and my toddler needs to be in with me." She indicated that there was space for one person in another carriage at the other end of the train, where ds1 would have been nowhere near us. I said it wasn't alright as we wanted to be near each other and she said "Yes, but dd MUST be with me, she's only two." Fair enough, but then wait for the next train - as we would have done had we not been able to sit near each other originally.

She got out and I told ds to get back in. At this point a member of staff came along and was looking to see if anyone else could move so we could all be accommodated, but the woman said it was 'ridiculous' and went off in a huff.

I got a few looks and stares, probably because she had a baby and a toddler, who started to cry, but, honestly, we had waited a good 20 minutes and there's no point going on these things unless you can be near each other to point stuff out. She would have had no more than a 10 minute wait for the next one, probably less. More to the point, I think it was rude that she ordered ds1 out of his seat and away from his family. AIBU?

OP posts:

AlexanderHamilton · 29/04/2017 16:45

Why didn't you move and sit your two sons together?

Presumably the OP didn't feel comfortable for her younger ds2 to ride without adult supervision & it wouldn't be very nice even for the 10 year old to be away from them. I couldn't have trusted my ds at that age (I now know her has an asd but he was undiagnosed back then)

pringlecat · 29/04/2017 16:46

Overly entitled. She could have asked for volunteers to move, or asked the staff member to help her. But what kind of random adult orders someone else's child around like that? Not on.

AlexanderHamilton · 29/04/2017 16:48

That's awful Flappy (& why I only ever go to Vue or Cineworld where your tickets have seat numbers, not Odeon which is a free for all)

I'm currently waiting for dd & ds to come out of the cinema at the moment. Ds was anxious as he saw a lad from school (bully) there so he would have hated to be split up from his sister.

scottishdiem · 29/04/2017 16:49

I love parents who think that just because they want to sit together other people, including familys and groups of friends, should not have the same privilege. Is this focussed arrogance a consequence of something that happens during childbirth for some women?

WyfOfBathe · 29/04/2017 16:50

I don't think she did anything wrong by asking him to move. She wouldn't have known that he was sitting there in order to be close to you, and he could have said no.

floraeasy · 29/04/2017 16:51

If the seating she wanted was not available, she should have waited for the next train.

I wonder if she rearranges seating in restaurants to her liking too?

whyayepetal · 29/04/2017 16:53

AndNow - maybe not, but OP and her family had queued and wanted the train ride to be an experience they shared. The other customer had the option to wait until she was at the front of the queue, and do the same. She could also have approached staff and explained the problem, and there may have been other customers who would have swapped seats to accommodate her. She chose neither of these options. OP , YANBU

AlexanderHamilton · 29/04/2017 16:54

If the seating she wanted was not available, she should have waited for the next train.

Agree. I've waited loads of times for the next train/ride (ds used to be train obsessed) so that our family could sit together.

DontOpenDeadInside · 29/04/2017 16:56

I have 3dc, when we went to a theme park, if there weren't seats together, we'd wait for the next one. It's not rocket science. The whole point of going on rides (for me anyhow) is to see the DC's expressions and reactions and like op says, to point stuff out. Even my 13yo likes to point things out to me or the little ones.

Doowappydoo · 29/04/2017 16:59

I don't think she did anything wrong by asking him to move. She wouldn't have known that he was sitting there in order to be close to you, and he could have said no.

I disagree - I wouldn't ask a 10 yr old to move on a ride to make way for me. It's not fair to do that, obvious power imbalance. I'm not surprised he got off in a panic, my 10 yr old would have done the same if an adult told them to move.

YWNBU - I wonder if she realised she was wrong hence the stomping off before giving the staff a chance to sort it or just waiting for the next one.

RainbowJack · 29/04/2017 16:59

WyfOfBathe Where do you live that a child has the confidence to say no to an adult?

I know of adults who can't even say no!

keeplooking · 29/04/2017 17:01

YANBU. No-one in their right mind would order a 10yr old out of a carriage so they could have it.

Slightly beside the point, but can I just ask where the NT property with a miniature train is?

Funnyface1 · 29/04/2017 17:02

Ywnbu. Some people are so entitled. Good on you for standing your ground for your ds. Lots of people have babies and toddlers and it's nice when people help accommodate that where they can, but it's not fair to use it as a reason to do whatever you want.

Scrumptiousbears · 29/04/2017 17:03

OP did you actually find out from your DC what the lady said to him?

AlexanderHamilton · 29/04/2017 17:03

keep looking - my uncle owns one. He & members of his enthusiasts club take them to various NT type places especially over holiday weekends.

Elphaba99 · 29/04/2017 17:04

Haha, keeplooking! I love a miniature train.

YANBU at all, OP. She should have either asked staff advice or waited for the next train. Definitely out of order to ask your DS to move.

AlexanderHamilton · 29/04/2017 17:05

Like the name Elphaba. I guess we will be sort of show neighbours soon!

fuzzywuzzy · 29/04/2017 17:06

I agree the woman was behaving in an entitled way. She should have approached staff to explain what she needed or waited for the next train.

We've had this at cinemas with families turning up late and wanting our seats because they want to sit together. I was really pissed off at one cinema where I'd booked seats but another family was in the seats and the ushers sat us in different seats which weren't as good Altho I'd paid for the good seats.
Last time we went to the cinema I made sure we arrived a lot earlier and were in and settled first. Then had subsequently to watch my dc being accosted by various mothers telling my dc they were sat in their seats. Resulting in huffy backpeddling when I produced our tickets and said dc were with me and in their correctly paid for seats (not one apologised). Also had a massive party approach (late) and announce we were in the wrong seats, again showed them our tickets and watched as usher then lead them to their seats, right at the front!

People do tend to think they can intimidate kids and unashamedly try to use that to their advantage.

I'm glad you didn't let the woman behave badly to your DS.

FrancisCrawford · 29/04/2017 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elphaba99 · 29/04/2017 17:07

Ooh yes! Like yours too. My teen MT-loving dd is obsessed with the Hamilton soundtrack - thank gawd I got her 2 tickets for Christmas!

Sorry OP. Back to trains.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 17:08

God, I'd have been really cross. She took advantage of your son's good nature.

TheFifthKey · 29/04/2017 17:11

She's one of those parents of small DC who see all older children as big horrible brutes who basically exist to ruin the fun of her children. I bet she glares at big children at parks and soft play in the holidays too when they dare to run around, be loud or go near her DC...

TheAntiBoop · 29/04/2017 17:14

This seems like another example of parents with toddlers not understanding that ten year olds are still children and should be treated as such.

Yanbu- what's the point of the train if you're not together.

Original poster

theduchessstill · 29/04/2017 17:14

I did ask ds what she said and he said it was something like "Can you go and sit back there so my little girl can sit with me?" or words to that effect. She certainly made him feel awkward - he is a very compliant child (not with me, but with everyone else!) who has never been in trouble at school. I kind of feel he should have been more assertive and maybe said,"I'll ask my mum," but then I'm glad that he is well-behaved and polite.

OP posts:

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 17:15

... or maybe just a parent who only cares about her children, whatever the age

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