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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can they really do this?? - CM related.

124 replies

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 29/04/2017 11:12

Now...before I start I have absolutely no objection to paying CM- at all.
I love my DSDs unconditionally.

DSD1 there is no CM as she is in her early 20's, DSD2 is 17 and this is who the maintenance is for.

When DSDs mum applied for maintenance she made out she had tried to set up an agreement with DP (she hadn't btw) so they went straight to attachment of earnings- this was 8 years ago, we have never not paid it, and the attachment of earnings order is massively relevant here.

So fast forward to this month- DP hada heart attack four weeks ago.
As a result, this month he was due to be paid SSP- about £80 a week.

The CSA have taken every single penny of it.

We have nothing to live on....literally nothing.

I know we need to pay CM, but basically it means our 4 yr old is going to go without, and when I say without....we are going to be scraping the cupboards, and I have no idea how I am gonna pay the rent and bills.

We don't have savings, don't claim any benefits and DP will be back to work next week....we need money!!

We would have had no problem payiing a bit extra next month, when DPs back on a wage, we could have sorted something out.

AIBU to think that this can't be right??

OP posts:

UppityHumpty · 29/04/2017 14:28

To those saying "Why don't you even save £10 a week" - there are PLENTY of people who can't afford to put by £10 a MONTH, never mind a week. Many people live quite literally day-to-day, and not because they are profligate or feckless, but because THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY MONEY!

I call bull here. I was in this position when I was 16 before minimum wage. My salary of 8k pa was going towards rent, supporting 3 siblings and myself, and all bills and living expenses. It is possible to find £1 a week even when you're hand to mouth - I do this by making broth a few times a week and walking to walk rather than take the bus. In this situation if they had saved even £4/mth over 5 years, they would have had £240 which would have meant they'd have been ok.

Akire · 29/04/2017 14:30

Please go to food bank, thats why people like me donate things. Anyone can end up stuck, even if you borrow £100 for your mum it's still going to be tight.

UppityHumpty · 29/04/2017 14:30

Appreciate what's done is done, but going forwards savings need to happen. Someone who's had a heart attack often struggles with health long term - he may never be able to work as he once did.

SandyDenny · 29/04/2017 14:35

Zil how would the mother/father that gets the child maintenance ever supposed to budget if the amount changes every week/month?

In the same way that the parent paying the maintenance has to presumably

x2boys · 29/04/2017 14:44

well arn,t you just marvellous some peopler just dont have savingswe cant all be like you

AnUtterIdiot · 29/04/2017 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

x2boys · 29/04/2017 14:45

that was for Uppity

melj1213 · 29/04/2017 14:51

In this situation if they had saved even £4/mth over 5 years, they would have had £240 which would have meant they'd have been ok.

I'm a single parent to an 8yo ... we have minimal savings because I have credit card debt I'm trying to pay down. I could put money away but I'd rather put that £4 extra a month towards paying off the debt so that the overall debt is reduced sooner and I can be debt free (and therefore have more spare cash to save properly).

Also, whilst I'm trying to work down my debt and not build up any more, recently the washing machine broke, so I had to put buying a new one on my credit card (was a v. old model so was cheaper to replace than repairs/labour costs) and that wiped out the last couple of months worth of payments I'd made to my credit card. All it takes is one emergency - which is what people are saving for! - to wipe out a decent savings pot ... if another emergency comes along a couple of weeks later, you can find yourselves without savings through no fault of your own!

lifesjoys · 29/04/2017 14:53

Why don't you eat & pay double of the bills next month??

Sorry op but your DSD still needs that money too, just because you can't afford it doesn't mean she can "go without" until you can afford it.

Let's say you didn't pay this month, how do you know she wouldn't be in the situation you are in now??

Please remember that CM isn't a true reflection of what a child actually costs.

TheWitTank · 29/04/2017 14:57

I hate threads like this. The OP didn't ask for a lecture on savings or what a shit her husband is ( none of us have the foggiest idea what he is like and what the situation was regarding the CM situation) or how writing CM had "head wrecked" somebody. She asked for advice on her current situation. Post after post telling her she should have saved -no shit Sherlock! I'm sure she is fully aware of that, but it makes no difference at all now.
I hope you manage to find an answer OP and that your DH recovers well.

lifesjoys · 29/04/2017 14:58

FFS can nobody type full words anymore

My original can you tell me what "FFS" means??

LagunaBubbles · 29/04/2017 15:05

jiggly you've made it up about her DH earning £60K because they don't get Child benefit - the OP clearly stated they do get child benefit.

TheExuberant1 · 29/04/2017 15:14

Have to say I thought CM was childminder.

Phineyj · 29/04/2017 15:35

I give money and sometimes food to food banks. I'd have no problem with you using it - at least then you can get pasta etc. Maybe your work would feed you at the pub in lieu of some of your wage?

Jux · 29/04/2017 16:09

So did I, Exuberant, but when I read the op I worked out that it wasn't, as I'm sure you did too.

LanaKanes, a really really cheap way to eat is to buy dried pulses and use them for big veg stews. I lived like that for about 6m when I was really on my uppers years abck. There was a local market with fresh cheap veg where I lived.

Just check on the internet how to prep the pulses. I loved black eyed peas, adzuki beans, mung and cannellini.

Soak them overnight. Depending upon which bean, you might have to change the water and soak again.
Do not use salt when first boiling them. When they're cooked you can add salt to whatever you're using them in.
It sounds like a pallaver, but you get used to it very quickly.

I ahd a couple of brilliant books, I think Rose Elliot's? I lent them to someone and never saw them again.

Go to the food bank.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 29/04/2017 17:33

It's not impossible to save, even if it's just a tiny amount a week. It's one less item in the trolley, one less luxury etc. Even in dark times I always set aside to ensure an emergency fund.

The CM was still due, it's not his first child's fault he had more children and a spouse to support. He stretched himself way too thinly and the reality of a non working spouse meant no back up or assistance.

Yes childcare costs more than some wages dependent on job/area but pub jobs etc can easily be picked up and with more businesses open later there are more evening jobs than ever.

ijustwantfiveminutespeace · 29/04/2017 20:31

Can you guys speak to the ex and ask them if they will give you some of the money back???? Long shot,I know x

myoriginal3 · 29/04/2017 21:51

All aside. How is maintenance for one child the sum total of your income?

melj1213 · 29/04/2017 22:44

All aside. How is maintenance for one child the sum total of your income?

Usually it isnt but as the OP clearly said her DH only got SSP which will be at a far lower rate than his usual wage.

As a result, this month he was due to be paid SSP- about £80 a week.

ginnybag · 30/04/2017 00:01

Christ, Op is getting hammered here and the lack of grip on reality some people have is staggering. Plenty of people have jobs where sick pay is zero for the first 3 days and then around £80 a week. Plenty of people are in a position where they gave no room between income and essential outgoings.

OP, I head my company's Payroll team and this is their fuck up. A CMS AEO gives a monthly figure and also a stated protected amount. An SSP only month of around £340 - a figure which does line up pretty bob on with the deduction I'd expect given what you say he earns - shouldn't have been touched at all. Speak to them and insist on correction ASAP. Theyve no right to withdraw that money from him.

SabineUndine · 30/04/2017 00:14

OP I am in London and you indicate you are in the London area. If I can help with food to tide you over please DM me. I mean it.

AnUtterIdiot · 30/04/2017 01:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onadifferentplanet · 30/04/2017 08:16

To the people saying ask the ex to give it back, she won't have received it yet. The employer has until the 19th of the month following the deduction to send it to the CSA, after processing she is likely to receive it around 5 working days after that, so around a month after the deduction. The money is almost certainly still with the employer right now.

TOADfan · 30/04/2017 14:56

I would contact his employers by law he needs 60% of his net income left, they are legally not allowed to take more than 40% so they should have took 40% of his SSP not all. As other posters have said it is still with his employers so i would speak to them.

Also report your ither child as a Roc you will get a reduction.

As an aside he would only have been put on a DEO if a case was set up and he was paying the mortgage instead of CM. In that case his ex partner would be within her right to get the DEO.

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