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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can they really do this?? - CM related.

124 replies

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 29/04/2017 11:12

Now...before I start I have absolutely no objection to paying CM- at all.
I love my DSDs unconditionally.

DSD1 there is no CM as she is in her early 20's, DSD2 is 17 and this is who the maintenance is for.

When DSDs mum applied for maintenance she made out she had tried to set up an agreement with DP (she hadn't btw) so they went straight to attachment of earnings- this was 8 years ago, we have never not paid it, and the attachment of earnings order is massively relevant here.

So fast forward to this month- DP hada heart attack four weeks ago.
As a result, this month he was due to be paid SSP- about £80 a week.

The CSA have taken every single penny of it.

We have nothing to live on....literally nothing.

I know we need to pay CM, but basically it means our 4 yr old is going to go without, and when I say without....we are going to be scraping the cupboards, and I have no idea how I am gonna pay the rent and bills.

We don't have savings, don't claim any benefits and DP will be back to work next week....we need money!!

We would have had no problem payiing a bit extra next month, when DPs back on a wage, we could have sorted something out.

AIBU to think that this can't be right??

OP posts:
wowfudge · 29/04/2017 12:09

Do you mean you were confused?

UppityHumpty · 29/04/2017 12:11

I think this is an employer error so should be fixed sharpish. Life lesson though - ensure you have some savings going forwards, even if it's just a tenner left over each month. When the youngest dsd is 18 CM will stop but you still need to save.

watchoutformybutt · 29/04/2017 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnUtterIdiot · 29/04/2017 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SemiNormal · 29/04/2017 12:17

It wrecked my head - What does this mean? Do you have to comment in slang FFS! There's no need for it. Grin

OP I feel for you and your husband, what a shitty situation to be left in, especially it being bank holiday weekend. Is there anyone who can loan you a small amount to tide you over? I'm sure those close to you would be more than happy to help you out under such circumstances?

HermioneJeanGranger · 29/04/2017 12:18

Yes, @victoriousblunder but that doesn't mean the monthly amount hasn't changed in that time.

TheWitTank · 29/04/2017 12:19

You haven't got nectar points or anything similar on any cards have you? Just trying to think of a short term fix for you food wise!

wowfudge · 29/04/2017 12:21

OP - speak to anyone you make regular payments to asap. Better to forewarn them than have them chasing you for payment. What about putting your wages into a credit union account? Should you need access to a short term loan in the future, it's a better way of borrowing then via a shyster pay day loan company. Can any relatives tide you over for a few weeks?

Isadora2007 · 29/04/2017 12:30

As an ex wife I would transfer money back to my ex husband should something like this occur. Can you contact her? And just ask for a small amount to tide you over?

happypoobum · 29/04/2017 12:32

Well, it's very unlikely they went straight for AOE order but nevertheless, you are where you are now.

You say DSD at least has her mums income this month, but you also work. Why is your income not available for food?

If DP earns so much that you don't get any tax credits, how are you living hand to mouth like this with nothing in reserve? Do you not even have a credit card for emergencies?

If it's as dire as it seems then yes, food bank is your only option re food. I hope DP makes a speedy recovery.

Original poster
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 29/04/2017 12:33

Myoriginal......I'm worried about my kid, and our house, and you are picking on some utterly inconsequential bit of my post, and have made quite the song and dance about it. I'm hving a bit of a sense of humour failure at the mo, and I don't reall appreciate it, so bog off and start a a thread of your own if you cant wrap your head around something that other people seem to have managed perfectly well!

Look, I know the attachment bit sounds dodgy, it seemed dodgy to me as well- I've asked if he hid things from me, I really don't think he did, and as I said- I used to double check all his post anyway, cos he's a scatterbrained pratt and would just leave it hanging about for ages, and once we nearly ended up in the shit cos he forgot about a bill.

And as an aside, we know we could have got the amount reduced when DS was born, but because we could just about scrape by, we left it at the higher amount, as we didn't wan't DSDs to miss out.
That might have to change now.

I knew posting about CM would get some potentially flamy replies.
Thats fine, I get it, there are so many deadbeat twats out there, but DP despite some failings, loves his kids and works hard for them.

Also we never really saved because when we were lucky enough to be earning 2 wages, we were both servicing debts from before the relationship, then I fell PG, had severe HG (hospitalised 5 times!) and had to quit work.
Childcare round here is extortionate, if I had gone back to work we would have been in the red every month. (No GPs around to help)

We are trying to rectify this now- after 5 years I have managed to get a job in my local, and am working every hour they can give me, it's minimum wage, but at least it'll fill the CV blank in a bit, and give me a starting point again.

Glad to know they technically shouldn't have taken every penny, that was the point I mainly wanted clarified.

We are gonna spend the weekend assessing our options, and work out a savings plan- even if it's just £30 a month or something, so we don't end up in this shit agian.

DP's heart attack came out of the blue, he is so young, so it wasn't something we had considered a possibility IYSWIM?

OP posts:
Original poster
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 29/04/2017 12:34

happypoobum I have literally only just started this job this week!!
Won't be paid for another 2 (week in hand)

OP posts:
Original poster
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 29/04/2017 12:41

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions btw.

I can't up the overdraft- I'm on it's limit, and Ipromised myself when I got out of my debt a few years back that Iwouldn't get another loan or credit card, the overdraft was the only thing that stayed!

I might be able to borrow £100 or something from my mum, but she doesn't have loads herself so might not be able to help.

I'm sure we'll manage somehow!
We've got through so much already- so much fucking bad luck, especially money and healthwise, it's so frustrating when you are just clawing your way back out, and something like illness throws you back in again.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 29/04/2017 12:50

The problem isnt the CSA its the payroll staff who do the deductions by the sounds of it, as they are supposed to only take up to 40% of his total earnings and if that is less than what he is supposed to pay then so be it.

You need to speak to the CSA to confirm this and then get onto payroll about it as they probably havent sent it to the the CSA yet as they have until 19th of the following month to send it.

neonrainbow · 29/04/2017 12:51

Get a life myoriginal.

Op i hope everything works out. I would suggest calling your bank to see if they will extend your over draft.

londonrach · 29/04/2017 12:58

Me to myoriginal. Op theres nothing wrong with going to the food bank if youve no money for food. Your dd needs food. dh having a heart attack, no money for food thatd what the bank is there for. If you feel bad about it replace the food when you back on your feet. Hope things get better. X

katronfon · 29/04/2017 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZilphasHatpin · 29/04/2017 13:04

This is why I think child support payments should be taken like PAYE. Loads of people earn differing amounts every month and their tax and NI contributions are calculated every month. Why can't they work it out so child support is calculated the same way?

Willyoujustbequiet · 29/04/2017 13:07

They NEVER move straight to attachment of earnings.

Why are people ignoring this in replies

Any idea how many hoops there is to jump through before your wage gets deducted! Hmm

It only applies to consistent non payers.

RandomMess · 29/04/2017 13:12

CSA/CMS are open today - get on the phone to them as I'm no idea what you can do if your DP can't speak to them??? You need to ask what he needs to do so you can phone them up on his behalf.

Auspiciouspanda · 29/04/2017 13:13

Zil how would the mother/father that gets the child maintenance ever supposed to budget if the amount changes every week/month?

TheGreyBlock · 29/04/2017 13:14

On the new CMS system, they will only recalculate payments mid year if the NRPs income changes by 25% or more, so if he received less one month, they wouldn't recalculate payments.

But with a deduction from earnings there should be a protected portion of the wages, so his employer sounds like they have sent more to the CMS than they should have.

If they took the maximum they could have though, he would still owe the difference between the lower amount and the full monthly amount and they'd just collect that in arrears in the future.

He needs to ring them asap. They should deal with his employer.

TheGreyBlock · 29/04/2017 13:15

*if the NRPs YEARLY income changed by 25% or more.

ZilphasHatpin · 29/04/2017 13:16

Zil how would the mother/father that gets the child maintenance ever supposed to budget if the amount changes every week/month?

Good point, but it isn't fair on people like OP and her DH who have no money at all for this week because CSA have taken it all. Is it? The system as it is isn't working. It needs fixed.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 29/04/2017 13:18

How can you not have any savings if your husband earns enough for you not to work and be outside the limits for child benefit?

You could have gone to work after maternity but chose not to, you could have worked around his hours or shared the cost of childcare given his decent salary.

If his health is that bad he had a heart attack then he may not be coping with FT and you may need to reverse roles.