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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can they really do this?? - CM related.

124 replies

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 29/04/2017 11:12

Now...before I start I have absolutely no objection to paying CM- at all.
I love my DSDs unconditionally.

DSD1 there is no CM as she is in her early 20's, DSD2 is 17 and this is who the maintenance is for.

When DSDs mum applied for maintenance she made out she had tried to set up an agreement with DP (she hadn't btw) so they went straight to attachment of earnings- this was 8 years ago, we have never not paid it, and the attachment of earnings order is massively relevant here.

So fast forward to this month- DP hada heart attack four weeks ago.
As a result, this month he was due to be paid SSP- about £80 a week.

The CSA have taken every single penny of it.

We have nothing to live on....literally nothing.

I know we need to pay CM, but basically it means our 4 yr old is going to go without, and when I say without....we are going to be scraping the cupboards, and I have no idea how I am gonna pay the rent and bills.

We don't have savings, don't claim any benefits and DP will be back to work next week....we need money!!

We would have had no problem payiing a bit extra next month, when DPs back on a wage, we could have sorted something out.

AIBU to think that this can't be right??

OP posts:
Auspiciouspanda · 29/04/2017 13:25

TBH zil it's his own fault for not paying CM when he should have, I don't believe for a second his ex spun a tale and magically got an attachment of earnings like that, I haven't had any CM from my ex in 9 months and the CM people still won't make an attachment of earnings order so it's BS in my opinion

LagunaBubbles · 29/04/2017 13:25

I'm just sick of trying to read threads and not having a clue what they're about because of all the acronyms. It makes my rather addled brain hurt

Oh come on - the word "maintenance" is in the the 3rd sentence, that kind of tells you what its about!

Willyoujustbequiet · 29/04/2017 13:28

Auspicious

Totally agree. It just doesn't happen. The sympathetic replies need to understand that he must have not paid child support to get in this situation.

LagunaBubbles · 29/04/2017 13:29

How can you not have any savings if your husband earns enough for you not to work and be outside the limits for child benefit?

I hate posters who come on threads like this and question why people have no savings, some people just dont live in the real world where lots and lots of people ahve no savings. Like us. But this is MN where EVERYONE should have a giant pot of savings for hard times according to some people. Hmm

ZilphasHatpin · 29/04/2017 13:30

Yeah you're probably right there auspicious! I was giving the benefit of the doubt wrt the AOE but the truth is probably somewhere quite far in the other direction.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/04/2017 13:33

He could have chosen an AEO, I believe that the paying parent can choose that as an option, or atleast they used to be able to. So it could be that he chose this method of payment as the simplest, given that if it is under the old system it wont cost him anything and he never has to worry about making the payments himself.

JigglyTuff · 29/04/2017 13:37

Laguna - the OP's DP earns at least £60k if they don't get CB. You should not ever be in a position where you can't afford to feed your child if you're earning that kind of money. Honestly.

Cheby · 29/04/2017 13:47

They do get CB. Op sausage can't claim benefits EXCEPT child benefit.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 29/04/2017 13:47

OP have pm'd you. Happy to drop off a bag of basics if you're anywhere near me.

Cheby · 29/04/2017 13:48

*said

Fuck knows where sausage came from. I'm typing left handed while bf. 😂

victoriousblunder · 29/04/2017 13:50

OP have pm'd you. Happy to drop off a bag of basics if you're anywhere near me.

AllRoadsleadbacktoradley

This is so lovely I see, I will do the sameFlowers

Friendofsadgirl · 29/04/2017 13:51

OP said in her 2nd post that she only gets child benefit.

Original poster
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 29/04/2017 13:56

How can you not have any savings if your husband earns enough for you not to work and be outside the limits for child benefit?

We get child benefit.
God I wished we earned enough to not get CB!

In my area nurserys are very expensive, thanks to all the London commuters, so are unaffordable for people who work locally- how do I know? Because I used to work at one, as a Financial Admin, and the monthly childcare costs would have put us in the red- geddit??

I could earn a max of £900 - childcare to cover my working hours would have been about £1200 here.
As I didn't have a "career"- just a shop job- it wasn't worth going into debt just to hang onto an average job- we'd have been massvely in debt by the time DS was in school.

AND FOR THE LAST TIME- I HAVE SAID IT LOADS ALREADY- HIS EX ASKED HIM TO PAY THE MORTGAGE- IN LIEU OF CHILD SUPPORT- SADLY HE DID NOT GET THIS IN WRITING- IT WAS A LITTLE MORE A MONTH- AND WAS AFFORDABLE AT THE TIME

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 29/04/2017 13:58

Auspicious whys it the ops fault that you can't get money off your ex? Don't take your bitterness out on her.

Original poster
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 29/04/2017 14:03

And to be clear- DP earns nowhere near £60,000

Thanks for all the lovely messages, and kind offers- and espcially thanks to those who read my posts properly.

Look, we are the people who earn just a little too much to get benefits (except CB) but due to the area we live in (not ness through choice btw), living costs are high, but local wages are min wage mostly, unless you can get on a career path.
DP is a heating engineer- not self employed- and his wages are really not great.

OP posts:
Original poster
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 29/04/2017 14:08

@LagunaBubbles
"I hate posters who come on threads like this and question why people have no savings, some people just dont live in the real world where lots and lots of people ahve no savings. Like us. But this is MN where EVERYONE should have a giant pot of savings for hard times according to some people"

Yeah this.

Maybe we could have made different choices 5 years ago.
But we are where we are.

OP posts:
needsahalo · 29/04/2017 14:08

Auspicious whys it the ops fault that you can't get money off your ex? Don't take your bitterness out on her

The CSA doesn't just do an attachment of earnings on the say so of one of the parties involved in a child maintenance case. It's not how it works. Bitterness has fuck all to do with it. It's a simple fact of the system. Too many new partners with no clue who are quick to blame the ex.

Of course, none of that means the CSA should have taken all in this situation. I would hazard a guess that they hadn't been informed of the OP's partner's situation although probably the last thing on their minds.

Hope,it gets sorted, OP.

Auspiciouspanda · 29/04/2017 14:10

Neon don't remember saying that at all, what I said was his story is BS and it's his fault because if he hadn't dodged paying child maintenance then they wouldn't be in this mess.

FlossymooToo · 29/04/2017 14:11

You can apply for ESA. I know that does not help in the here and now but if he will be off sick for a while it may help if you are entitled to it.

HappyFlappy · 29/04/2017 14:13

To those saying "Why don't you even save £10 a week" - there are PLENTY of people who can't afford to put by £10 a MONTH, never mind a week. Many people live quite literally day-to-day, and not because they are profligate or feckless, but because THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY MONEY!

Despite what the DailyWail may tell you, life on benefits or on minimum wage is NOT all beer and skittles and colour television sets.

It is bloody hard.

You have no idea.

Auspiciouspanda · 29/04/2017 14:14

Flossy ops partner would only be able to claim when his SSP entitlement runs out

HappyFlappy · 29/04/2017 14:18

what I said was his story is BS and it's his fault because if he hadn't dodged paying child maintenance then they wouldn't be in this mess

Maybe, maybe not Panda - but the ones who are going to suffer are OP and their child, and it certainly isn't their fault.

OP - if you need to visit a food bank, then go - they won't give you anything you're not entitled to so don't think you are taking food out of the mouths of others. You can't not feed your DS, even if you are prepared to go without yourself.

I do hope you get this sorted soon - and please go back to the CSA and get re-assessed.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/04/2017 14:22

myoriginal You probably need to step away from the keyboard rather than derailing the OP's thread - a distressed poster doesn't need someone ranting about acronyms and abbrieviations.

FlossymooToo · 29/04/2017 14:23

Sorry I meant in the longterm as in he will be on sick for a while so ssp will stop. I think you can apply around 3 months before ssp will stop so it saves any gaps in income.

bbcessex · 29/04/2017 14:28

Bloody hell. Some very judgmental responses amongst the good stuff.

OP.. I know bugger all about child maintenance but I'm very sorry you DP has had a heart attack, esp at such a young age. How bloody worrying for you.

I'm glad it sounds like he's on the mend. Sounds like a financially shit situation...

Please do make use of the food bank.. what's the point of you and your DD struggling even more , unnecessarily?