Aibu to worry about handing a child to their parent who's clearly been drinking

[OopsDearyMe]

My dd 8 had a playdate today her mum told me that her dad would collect. The parents aren't together due to alcahol problems.
When the dad arrived he wreaked of alcahol, struggled with eye contact and his eyes were bloodshot.
I let her go but now I'm wondering if I should have told the mum ?
Mum was out on a girls night herself.
Was I right?

Ratatouille
Part of me agrees with you
My reaction when my manager ordered the wine was to ask "am I allowed?"
The approval had been given by the director of the company
In my absence there is always a second in charge who is more than capable of running the nursery, which she continued to do once I returned

The event was a one off, it isn't something that happens every week and probably will never happen again

A City nursery was so concerned about at least one dad they put a sign in the entrance saying no child would be handed over to a parent or carer who appeared to be intoxicated. It seems from some posts here that the legality was dubious but it worked.

Zilpha I think the point you've missed is that 'legal rights' and 'physical possibilities' are not one and the same and that you do therefore have a choice.

The choice is to go against what you've been trained to do and the law, so it's obviously a big call to make and shouldn't be done lightly.

But you are wrong to say that you have no choice. You always have a choice.

The law does allow for you to make a judgment call, that's why there is a caveat about 'immediate danger'. That's for you to decide. That's your choice. Does it qualify as immediate danger? You decide.

I know Ofsted is attempting to beat the common sense out of everyone, but try and think outside their box!!

What was the mother meant to do when she was out on the piss herself I would ring social services.

No, i didnt miss that point. I have acknowledged it several times.

In your last post you said 'I would have no choice'. I think you've missed the point about having a choice.

And I have no dealings with ofsted.

Oh fgs!

Ratatoille I mentioned the MPs because of the double standards involved: outrage over a nursery manager having two glasses of alcohol, yet no outrage over the people running this country having access to 9 bars!

When I worked in IT departments, the boozy Friday lunchtime was the norm, as it is in many sectors. Salesmen drink with their clients and it's never deemed unprofessional.

The response over two glasses as a once off for a nursery manager who does not actually care for the children is an over-reaction.

Ime alcoholics often look bloodshot and smell of booze even when totally sober (for a change)

Not much you could have done, I'm sure the child was fine, for a start I doubt the mother would have left it for him to collect while she went out early drinking herself if she had any of the concerns you have. Maybe comment he looked hungover or something but anything else may just be unwelcome beaking about someone's private life (although depends what sort of relationship you have)

It's not really double standards. I imagine a lot of people are outraged about it, but we don't bring it into every conversation because it's irrelevant.

The examples you have given are completely different. I accept that there are certain sectors where it's the norm. In mine, it would have been highly unprofessional and inappropriate, as I believe it is for a nursery manager as well. That's just my opinion. Presumably it's the manager's job to actually manage the nursery? So if a situation arose she would be required to get involved. Whatever the case, in my opinion it does not demonstrate professionalism or sound judgement and I would not like my children enrolled there.

alcoholics often look bloodshot and smell of booze even when totally sober (for a change)

In the evening it's more likely to have been drinking than a hangover.

I'm sure the child was fine, for a start I doubt the mother would have left it for him to collect while she went out early drinking herself if she had any of the concerns you have.

They've split up. She wouldn't know he'd been drinking.

I'm assuming a play date with 2 8yo would be over by late afternoon/teatimeish. Could be wrong obviously. I didn't say hungover either (although I said op could suggest that was it) I said sober. My df could go for a few days without a drink yet he still smelt of it and looked like shite. Just offering it as a possibility.

I know they have split up, surely when you split up with someone you don't suddenly stop remembering what they are like? Especially as she knows he has alcohol problems.

My ex used to drink when it was his turn to pick up the DCs. I didn't know. I would have preferred someone to ring me and tell me rather than hand them over to him.