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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour dispute

31 replies

Kohi36 · 28/04/2017 16:40

New neighbours moved in next door to us a year and a half ago. We live in a row of terraced houses. Since they have moved in they have driven us insane. Slamming doors constantly until 1 am. They don't seem to be able to talk, they shout. Parties with no notice where the have no regard for us. We have a young child who sleeps in room with adjoining wall. We can hear everything in our house unfortunately. We put up with that noise for over a year as we didn't want to rock the boat but then last June they installed a concrete basketball court. Their teenage son plays every single day. In the summer, st the weekend and during any holidays he invites his mates over and they scream and hockey basketballs some days for between 2/5 hours. They would sometimes play until 10.30pm. We spoke to them about this after about a month of this and we came to an agreement that he wouldn't play beyond 9pm. He stuck to this but he would still play anywhere from 6/7 - 9pm every day so we had this through every dinner, every bath time, every bedtime for my son. It got so bad last summer that I would go out for a walk/drive until 9pm while my husband stayed in house as I couldn't listen to it anymore as he would play during the day for hours too. We can hear it in every room of our house, over the tv, over the radio. We had a big row about it again a few weeks ago as he started with bringing the Mates over and they would play for hours on end again once the evenings got longer. Result is we aren't speaking anymore and they will do as they please. Basically told us to F off that he is only a child and he can do as he please. We just came home an hour ago and he has been out there slamming basketballs for the past hour. We're at the stage now where we don't want to come home. We can't relax in our own home. Is there anything we can do? Has anyone dealt with similar? I'm in the early stages of pregnancy and don't need this stress.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 28/04/2017 16:43

From what I've read on MN, you need to contact Environmental Health team at the council and they will help you record noise levels.

Do they rent or own? Is it HA house?

Neverknowing · 28/04/2017 16:45

This sounds horrible op but they're right they can't tiptoe around their house because the noise carries. We can hear literally everything in our house too, it's annoying but there's nothing we can do.

BerylStreep · 28/04/2017 16:46

Speak to environmental health for advice.

I don't know if they will do anything - I think there is an acceptance that children need to be able to play and do normal activities, but they might have a view if it is excessive.

I don't think there is much point in speaking to them further about it.

If you are planning sell you would probably have to declare it though.

MovingtoParadise · 28/04/2017 16:46

I would say that bouncing a basketball in daylight hours is normal family noise

Flowers I totally get that it's irritating

Original poster
Kohi36 · 28/04/2017 16:46

They own the house

OP posts:
ZilphasHatpin · 28/04/2017 16:49

That basketball would drive me to insanity! I can't cope with the constant bouncing of balls. I feel your pain OP! burst his ball with a big knife

Original poster
Kohi36 · 28/04/2017 16:54

ZilphasHatpin on really bad days I fantasise about getting a chain saw and sawing down the basketball hoop. I have sensitivities to noise after I spent 3 months in the NICU by my sons incubator listening to the alarms constantly going off. The banging of the basketballs gives me heart palps when it is really loud. It's like it's a trigger for me

OP posts:
ZilphasHatpin · 28/04/2017 16:59

I really get it. I have noise sensitivities too. Collecting DC from school today and another child was rattling a bottle along the railings. It took everything I had to just keep walking as a fast as I could to get out of earshot of it.

I'm trying to think of what you could do to reduce the impact. Ear plugs? My neighbours dog barks constantly and I've been wondering if there is an exercise I can do to train myself to tune it out.

happypoobum · 28/04/2017 17:12

I do sympathise but I suspect you won't get very far with a complaint about this.

Children are being encouraged to get out and play sport rather than veg in front of x box etc.

I think if I were you I would just move.

bigbluebus · 28/04/2017 17:16

I doubt there is anything you can do about it sadly - although it does seem like he spends an unusually long amount of time on this one activity so seeking advice from Environmental Health might be a good idea.

We used to have 4 boys living next door to us. They spent most school holidays/evenings/weekends attached to computer games indoors as their DM worked and their DF often worked away. You always knew when their DM had arrived home from work as she would throw them out into the garden and we would be subjected to 1 hour of a football slamming against the fence between out gardens. It was their fence - so not a lot I could do on that score but they usually got bored within an hour and skulked back inside.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 28/04/2017 17:17

If you cant get them to be quieter, have you thought about seeing someone about how much it bothers you? I wonder if hypnosis could desensitize you or some meditation / therapy so it didn't have the "trigger" action you said you experience

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 28/04/2017 17:18

Try noise cancelling headphones, the Bose ones work well. They might just do the trick. A hedge is also good to muffle sound.

SeaCabbage · 28/04/2017 17:18

Surely you will have to move? I cannot see any other way around it. They are not going to change their behaviour. They sound horrible.

I really feel for you.

EatSpamAmandaLamb · 28/04/2017 17:24

I don't think there is much you can do as EH won't look into a complaint about a child playing no matter how annoying that is. I feel for you though, that constant noise would knock me sick.
Our next door neighbour has a dog who barks for 20 hours a day, non stop, rain or shine. When my anxiety is very bad I have to play grey noise apps constantly in our house (Rain Rain is a good app) which whilst it doesn't drown out the noise completely it tends to retrain me to focus on the pleasant noise.

I know it is childish but I would give them a blast of music early doors when they have had a loud party over night. A nice 8am chorus of something shitty and irritating - Vengaboys and a toddler banging on saucepans.

Whosthemummynow · 28/04/2017 17:24

I think you might be being slightly unreasonable here, playing basketball, whilst annoying is a perfectly normal noise. Which they agreed to stop at a certain time. You cannot dictate what others can do in their own homes

AgentProvocateur · 28/04/2017 17:25

"They sound horrible" - really? It's not their fault that there's poor soundproofing between the houses, and they agree to stop basketball after 9pm (until the OP complained again). Neither of you are wrong - you're just incompatible as neighbours. When you live next door to someone, you have to expect noise. And it affects us all differently. Family noise and a basketball wouldn't bother me, but a happy dog would drive me insane. They're not going to change, so you'll have to put up with it or move.

AgentProvocateur · 28/04/2017 17:26

A yappy dog

Original poster
Kohi36 · 28/04/2017 17:34

Thanks for advice everyone. We are saving to buy a site in the countryside but it won't be for at least a year or more before that happens. We had two years of a dog barking from 7am - 7pm from the neighbours on the other side at a time when I had to quarantine my premature baby. So as u can imagine my tolerance for my neighbours after the past few years is at an all time low. The neighbours before them were a domestic violence situation where the police were frequently called. We live in what is considered a sought after area but there is no sense of community or consideration for others. I agree that it is good that he is outside exercising but it is excessive. He is nearly 15 and doing exams in June so don't know how he has so much spare time! I need to learn coping skills until we move especially as I'm pregnant now

OP posts:
pixelated · 28/04/2017 17:49

Be careful about making a formal complaint to EH or the council in general if you own your property as you will have to disclose any disputes when you sell.

I've lived next to the neighbours from hell and honestly, if it gets too much sadly all you can do in the end is move.

flumpybear · 28/04/2017 17:50

I'd be getting my walls insulated for noise and move my child to a
Front bedroom

PhyllisNights · 28/04/2017 18:10

You need to take hand written notes with description of noise complaints alongside time stamps. You can then present it as evidence.

Also, depending on the type and length of noise complaint, it would be a good idea to call the police. I've rang the police regarding long late night parties in the past.

MsJamieFraser · 28/04/2017 18:20

It makes no difference if you are a home over a a renter, noise complaints still have to be dealt with. Contact your council and environmental health.

Funnyface1 · 28/04/2017 18:28

I'm not advising neighbour wars because I don't want to add to your troubles. But just to tell you about my experience. Having asked the neighbours politely to not let their children race around the house banging on walls at 11pm at night, then asking a bit more firmly and getting nowhere, the only solution I have found is to retaliate.

Neighbour can't really control her kids and since her dh works nights she lets them stay up stupidly late so they can all sleep in the next day. But I have children and don't think it's fair to be kept awake all hours by them. They don't care about us so the only way I get through is to bother them the next morning. Why should they sleep if they won't let me?

Anyway it works. Every now and then they forget and noise level goes up. I remind them and they stop again. With people like that they only change if it affects them. You're neighbours may have a change of heart if you give them a taste of their own medicine.

mrswhiplington · 28/04/2017 19:10

After the next noisy party I would suddenly have the urge to hoover / drill / hammer, very early in the day. Make sure you hoover right up against the adjoining walls for a long time, those floors can get very dirty you know.Grin

ZilphasHatpin · 28/04/2017 19:14

Do you know what I find to be the most irritating music ever? Whatever that jazz crap was that Carrie in homeland listened to. I can't stand it.

I reckon you could stick some of that on really loud. Then fuck off out for the evening.