Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to go to sleep in the dark?

98 replies

Bigglassofwineplease · 24/04/2017 07:14

This is beginning to driving a wedge between myself and my dp. He insists when he stays that he has the television on sleep timer so he can drift off with it on. After a long day, I like to be in darkness without any sounds or flashing lights. He is making me feel like I am not normal. I am, aren't I? I end up going into the tv-less spare room. If I am on my own, I put the TV on in the morning to listen to music and this livens me up and makes me happy as I put my makeup on and dry my hair. If dp is here, it's 'Good Morning Britain'. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 24/04/2017 08:35

Kids back at school now. Horray! The thing is...I want to be with him. I want to be in the same room as him. I don't want either of us to ship out. The compromise will have to be the TV going I think.....It's probably not rocket science I know....I was just wondering why each TV had a sleep timer on if people don't use it. That's one of his arguments.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 24/04/2017 08:36

If the TV goes though....he says wants the bathroom light on Confused ffs!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 24/04/2017 08:37

Maybe I can slowly work on the situation to reduce the way to total darkness......Wink

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/04/2017 08:40

He now needs a light on in the bathroom overnight?Hmm

Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 24/04/2017 08:46

That was a suggestion the other night. He wants to 'see me' and another reason why he doesn't like the darkness. I want to sleep not be seen!

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 24/04/2017 08:54

Is he 3?!

GaelicSiog · 24/04/2017 08:56

There is absolutely no way I would put up with that. I can't sleep with noise or lights, I am the lightest sleeper ever. YANBU. Has he even tried?

BadToTheBone · 24/04/2017 09:05

No TVs in bedrooms. He's the freak imo

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/04/2017 09:05

Him wanting to see you while you sleep is just a wee bit creepy. Confused
There seems to be another reason you're not telling us as well - but unless it's due to deeply based trauma, I wouldn't buy it. Get him one of those plug in night lights that babies have, and plug it in at floor level on his side of the bed - that shouldn't disturb you too much.

Ifailed · 24/04/2017 09:23

If he has a genuine phobia about the dark, then what is he doing to address it? meanwhile get a dimmable night light and put it on his side of the bed and get rid of the TV. If he complains, then its not a fear of the dark is it?

Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 24/04/2017 10:47

No other reasons as far as I know. I don't want to break up with him over this but the future makes me a little anxious thinking about bedtime issues every night. I'll see if I can find my ds night light. Hopefully that'll help him see how annoying he is being!

OP posts:
Crunchyside · 24/04/2017 10:54

It's not really "normal" to be unable to sleep without lights on etc and if its anxiety/fear he should get CBT rather than expect you to live with it.

I went on a spa break once for someone's hen party and we stayed one night in a luxury 5* hotel, I was sharing a room with another one of the women, I was so looking forward to it as I had a young baby and never got any sleep so the prospect of a whole nights sleep uninterrupted in crisp white hotel sheets just felt amazing. To my dismay the woman I shared a room with insisted on having the TV on until the early hours as she "couldn't fall asleep without it"... WTF?! This still gives me the rage to this day. I should've asked her to pay my room rate as she stole my good nights sleep! Grr.

So I have no sympathy for your DH... Especially as I've had anxiety and fear of the dark at night but instead of torturing my family by putting lights or TVs on I went and got CBT to sort out my issues!

Oldraver · 24/04/2017 11:01

I would have it, I like dark to sleep in and it's supposed to better for you.

We have recently bought a new set of phones, and it gives out such a glow, it's like having a great big fuck off night light...

Renaissance2017 · 24/04/2017 11:09

Whoa!!! The OP has already said 'insist' is a bit strong. So it comes down to he prefers. We all have preferences.

It also seems as though he's scared of the dark, but I bet he's embarrassed about it. Hardly surprising when, in this thread alone, it's been suggested he's creepy or should grow up or a freak.

Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 24/04/2017 12:50

He's gone back to his home today and I felt sad that I was happy Confused. Can't wait for my big bed in the dark tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 24/04/2017 12:51

I do love him and just want us to work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigglassofwineplease · 24/04/2017 12:53

Ironically,he is frustrated in the morning if it's too light and wants me to buy new black out blinds! Angry

OP posts:
lotusbomb · 24/04/2017 12:57

Gosh, my DP asks if the dim light from his iphone is bothering me if i'm ready to sleep before he is!

Your DP is being inconsiderate. The TV interrupts sleep, darkness doesn't therefore he is the one that should sleep in the spare room.

HandbagCrazy · 24/04/2017 13:05

Me and DH are opposites with this. He likes to get into bed in the dark and sleep straight away. I'm the one who likes to watch tv (I need less seep than him and am a night owl).
We compromised by not having a tv in the bedroom but I watch programmes on the lap top. It sits on a little table next to the bed (low so the light doesn't blind him) and I use headphones some nights.

On the other side - I hate tv in the mornings and like quiet. He likes watching the BBC. He gets up before me and watches tv, I get up and ready upstairs then put up with it for 20 mins before he leaves. Sometimes he turn is off when I come down.

Compromise is the best way forward but he doesn't seem very willing to meet in the middle does he?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/04/2017 13:21

Bloody hell there's no pleasing him Hmm, too dark at night to sleep without a light on but too light in the morning and wants you to buy black out blinds.

If you do decide to accommodate his wishes make sure he pays for those black out blinds.

SuperFlyHigh · 24/04/2017 13:33

My DB if I stay with him or he stays with me etc likes hall lights on (scared of dark or burglars being 2 excuses) I don't! I just switch the light off and ignore him.

An ex of mine liked to sleep with music in the other room (he was a stress head) it was his flat so I turned it off when he was asleep and when we moved in together I settled on a compromise of timer of half an hour.

I'm same as a few people, pitch black, prefer silence but if staying anywhere else will take eyemasks, gel ear plugs etc to ensure I sleep! Selfish I know...

purplehonesty · 24/04/2017 13:47

Dh likes the tv on and I don't so he watches his iPad with headphones on and the brightness turned right down

Works perfectly for both of us

user1andonly · 24/04/2017 13:50

He's starting to sound like a pita tbh!

One of my biggest regrets in my marriage was doing all the compromising early on because DH inisted he could only sleep a certain way. He like to listen to book tapes all night long and, when we were first married (23 years ago) he used a little cassette player with headphones... which woke me up with a loud click every time the tape finished. I, meanwhile, liked to read in bed for a bit before settling to sleep. This didn't work for DH though as he 'needed' the light off instantly. So I stopped reading in bed and usually lay awake in the dark as he also likes to go to bed earlier than me. I wish I could go back in time and give my younger self a talking to! The compromise should have been that he either stopped with the story tapes or he put up with the light on for a bit while I read - not having it all his way.

I stay up later than he does these days which means creeping in in the dark later on. I am waiting till the first of the dc leaves home permanently and then I am having my own room (and it will be my room - I am not camping in the 'spare' room and moving out when we have visitors like my mum does!)

I hope you manage to come to some arrangement that you can both live with - but don't give in and let him have it all his own way. Start as you mean to go on!

Mollyiscoddled · 24/04/2017 14:04

On a permanent basis I would go bonkers. No TV in bedroom here. If he wants to watch something it is downstairs. We are OK with that.

When we go away, there is always a TV on the wall, so I compromise. Listen to podcasts with earbuds, and I got lovely soft squidgy eyemasks in Tiger (great shop with lots of quirky things) have you got that shop in the UK? I reckon you have.

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 24/04/2017 14:29

I think in this situation he needs to compromise, but I feel like some of these responses are very harsh. It took me years to be able to sleep without light and sound after I was raped, which I don't think makes me childish.

Swipe left for the next trending thread