Falling asleep during contact?

[user1487854472]

My young dd sees her df very little (a couple of hours, here and there). I have been very accommodating and allow him to my home for contact, despite previous DV. All contact has to be supervised. All I want my dd to have a relationship with her father. AIBU that i got very annoyed that he fell asleep, after seeing her for just a couple of hours? Last visit was a fortnight ago. Surely it isn't too much to expect him to focus on his daughter for the whole of the very short time he sees her? According to him I am being very unreasonable.

He sounds very invested in the relationship. . .
What an arse.

Fortnightly he should be hanging on her every word. .
Offer to do monthly if he can't commit to her. .
Or fuck all which is what he deserves. .
I understand contact is about what's best for the dc but is effectively being snubbed a positive contribution to her good well being??

I guess it would depend why he fell asleep.

He works less than 35 hours a week and he generally finishes work before 5pm. Today was had been off work all day. There's no excuse for falling asleep.

I have big arse splinters on this.

I agree with you that it's very poor show from him (unless he was sickening for something)

But I also agree with him that the 'quality' of the contact is not your business.

No way would I allow contact in my home with a disinterested parent who had form for dv.

Tell him to sort out a contact centre, then he can fall asleep there.

Having supervised lots of contact in a previous job, those who fell asleep were using heroine or the like. It is completely unreasonable behaviour in your home. When he falls asleep visit needs to finish. I'd personally meet out on neutral ground, if he were to be violent or aggressive it is your responsibility to keep DD safe, much easier to do in public.

You don't state her age but would you let him take her to the park or something? Maybe he genuinely doesn't know how to interact if he sees her so little. Since you are doing this for your dd, not him, could you set up some activities for them to do together while he visits?

I'm not saying it's ideal but he sounds a bit clueless. If he's making the effort to turn up and you want to facilitate the relationship maybe you'll have to go that extra mile.

Dd is just under a year old.

I have done so much to facilitate contact. I've encouraged a relationship from when she was a newborn, putting aside my differences to hopefully benefit my dd. But I see no benefit, other than her being hurt and continuously let down. I have taken her to soft play areas frequently and he sits on his phone for a great deal of the time. I have encouraged him to take over with her swimming lessons, go to different groups but he won't.

What more can I do? I'm feeling incredibly disheartened.

I have been in your position, tried everything but I couldn't make him care, hard as I tried. My children's' dad also never saw them but fell asleep when he did. I carried on the contact because I felt the kids needed a relationship with him but it hasn't had much benefit.

My kids are late teens now and he sees them once in a blue moon. The irony is, they now have a great step dad, a proper parent to them, ex hates it and is envious of my dh; but still won't bother with his kids! Despite having a lovely stepdad, I do feel it must have affected their self esteem. How could it not? They won't discuss it with me.

I think you have to let as much love as possible into your dd's life through other family members, and make sure she forges close relationships with them.

What more can I do?

Nothing. Better no Dad than a crap one. Stop trying. His relationship with her is for HIM to forge.

I can't stress enough how you ought not to have him in your home. He is acting dreadfully and him coming to yours just makes it easy for him. He has to arrange an activity, perhaps soft play you could wait outside so he has to take the lead but it's a safe space?